


Make Two Halves Whole

by awkwardrainbow, Lexawoodz



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artist Clarke, Eventual Smut, F/F, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Like Lots, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, Messy Artist Clarke, Mutual Pining, Photographer Lexa, Slow Burn, Social Media AU, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, lots of fluff, twitter au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2018-12-09 16:09:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 79,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11672544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardrainbow/pseuds/awkwardrainbow, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexawoodz/pseuds/Lexawoodz
Summary: Clarke Griffin and Lexa Woods probably wouldn't have met if it wasn't for that small group chat on stan twitter. They're both in completely different fandoms and Lexa has never made it appoint to exactly make friends online. She just liked to tweet, and Clarke appreciated her tight knit group of people never much looking to expand it. But they did meet and although they don't live close to each other, both residing on different sides of the USA, that doesn't stop them from falling in love with each other.  It's not easy being in love with someone that is so faraway, or at least feels so faraway, it makes it even harder when so many of their followers come together in the desire to see them as a couple. Will their love be able to handle the pressure of outsiders and distance or will they crumble before they get the chance to thrive?or that long distance relationship AU where clexa are fangirls that fall in love with each other.





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyy, so if you're new here I hope you like this story about two girls hopelessly falling in love with each other online. It ends happy and has a lot of fluff (but lets be real there will be angst too).
> 
> If you aren't new here and you know me, it's nice to see you again and this is what I've been working on with my good friend Chelsea. We're doing this one together, so I really hope you guys like it because we're having a lot of fun writing it and coming up with ideas for it. You know me by now so you know there will be angst but there's also going to be a copious amount of fluff. Alright, go ahead and read now. :)

Clarke logs into twitter just like she does every morning after blinking the sleep from her eyes, it's really a bad habit checking social media as soon as she opens her eyes but can you blame her? 

As the application opens up she sees she has a few notifications, mostly from the girl Raven, who she's been going back and forth on with theories about who A could possibly be. They had quite a few good ones going. 

Raven (or spacehastings,) had a fairly popular account. Her theories were liked by many and it didn't help that she was pretty and smart. Clarke and Raven have been mutuals for about 6 months now and they talk pretty frequently. In the beginning Clarke was rather intimidated by Raven, but after talking to her for a while she learned she was pretty laid back. Raven was the closest thing to a best friend she had on Twitter. Although she didn’t really make a habit out of making friends on the website. 

Clarke scrolled through her timeline re-tweeting and replying to a few tweets here and there before switching over to her group chat she currently had with Raven and a girl named Octavia. 

Octavia was only added to their chat a few months ago but they quickly got along. Octavia was very outgoing and fun. She kept the chat alive most of the time. Luckily all three girls lived in the same time zone, something that doesn't happen often with online friends. Raven and Octavia lived close to each other, both residing in California, while Clarke lived in Washington State. 

Living in Washington State had its down falls but also had its perks. First off, the weather was horrible. It pretty much rained like every day. It was god awful cold. Also, you have to deal with everyone asking you if you know you live in the Twilight state. In all honestly, Clarke wouldn’t recommend living there if it wasn’t for the scenery. The mountains and the trees, they were spectacular. Plus the colors, when the seasons changed from summer to fall were an artist’s dream. Clarke loved to just sit outside soaking up the last rays of heat before the air turned chilly and cold. 

 **Badasstark:** Heyyy bitchesss

 **Badasstark** : do any of you watch Game of Thrones?!? 

 **spacehastings** : No. it came back last night didn't it?

 **Badasstark** : Yes! I'm exploding I need to scream about it. Clarkeeeee??

  **LGBTemison** : Heyy sorry O I don't but I heard it was good?? 

 **Badasstark** : WHAT?? How can you two even call yourself human if you haven't watched it?!? 

Clarke rolled her eyes. She found herself doing that a lot towards Octavia's actions, although it was purely out of amusement.

 **spacehastings** : I have a friend who watches it, I could add her? She's kinda lame tho.

 **Badasstark** : yes yes do it i need someone to talk to about it!

 **LGBTemison** : yeah sure, maybe it will shut O up (; 

Clarke normally didn't like adding random people into their chat, mainly because she liked to keep her friend circle kind of tight. She found out rather quickly most people just wanted to be her friend because her mom was one of the top surgeons at the local hospital and her dad worked as an engineer for the government, making her family better off than most. People at her school really only wanted to use her house or mansion rather, as a party spot. She lived on a lake in a house that could easily fit seven other families.

She had a few friends she held close to her. Murphy was one of them. They'd grown up together, going from elementary school, to middle school, and finally high school together. Their friendship seemed odd but Clarke was one of the few people who understood Murphy's weird sense of humor and Murphy was always willing to sit for hours and let Clarke draw him so she could get practice, so it was an obvious friendship. 

_Lexa has been added to the chat_

**gayenerys** : Uh hi?

 **spacehastings** : hey weirdo, welcome to the chat. I brought you in so Octavia could shut up about her throne of games 

 **Badasstark** : GAMES OF THRONES 

 **gayenerys** : You know most people don’t appreciate being called names, but hello to you too Raven.

 **spacehastings** : Yeah sure whatever 

 **gayenerys** : Anyways, Hello Octavia, I see Arya is your favorite? 

 **Badasstark** : Fuck ya! She’s badass af. Did you see her take down the two guards??!? Idk if I wanna be her or on top of her 

 **LGBTemison** : Octavia you say that about every girl you see in a tv show. 

Also hello Lexa, I’m Clarke. Welcome to the madness. 

 **gayenerys** : I'm more of a Daenerys Targaryen kind of girl but Arya is pretty cool. Hello Clarke, thanks...I think. 

 **Badasstark** : Cos everyone woman on that show is hot and badass Clarke ugh

Clarke laughed; Octavia was always the dramatic type. She clicked out of the group chat and went to find Lexa's account. She typed in the user name gayenerys in the search bar, not exactly getting the reference but it seemed cool nonetheless. Once she located it, she scrolled through the girl’s tweets for a few minutes, noticing a lot of them were either about Games of Thrones, soccer, or photos she assumed Lexa had taken of different landscapes. She quickly hit the follow button and went back to the group chat. Scanning over the few messages she had missed of Octavia mostly just yelling about random things. She realized that Lexa has seemed to disappear as well.

Clarke locked her phone and proceeded to start her day. She had the whole summer to do whatever she wanted, but really it was just going to be another day spent lying in bed and drawing. But first she needed to brush her teeth and take a shower. 

 

 

Clarke could draw all day if her mom would let her, she devolved the passion as a young child, loving how all the colors and shapes looked. She wanted to capture them. And she had, on small white papers all around her room.  Most of the time you could find her with Charcoal colored hands, an array of different color markers filled her book bag at all times and at least three sketch pads half filled with drawings. She loved to draw landscapes mostly. Being able to capture the way the leaves blew in the wind or how a small flower laid among a field of green.

Starting as a senior in high school next year, she knew she wouldn't have much time to draw as much in her free time, which would instead be spent doing homework and applying to colleges. Clarke was a fairly good student, she made A's and B's mostly. She’d much rather be in the art studio though rather than be dealing with teachers rambling on about one thing or another. She didn’t understand why she needed to know that Washington’s teeth weren’t real anyways. Was that really going to help advance her in life?

A loud noise came from her phone as she was coming out of the bathroom fresh from her shower. Towel wrapped in her hair, she reached over to grab her phone off her bed to see she had a notification for a direct message from Octavia. Quickly swiping opening the message to see what Octavia said, she was greeted with a photo of a girl, a beautiful girl actually. Long brown hair hanging in curls, light green eyes, a jawline that went on for days, and killer cheekbone. A slight simmer could be seen on her face and judging from the soccer uniform the girl was sporting, one could figure it was from sweat. 

 **LGBTemison** : who is that? 

 **Badasstark** : Lexa! I was stalking her twitter after everyone so rudely left me alone in the gc. 

Clarke chuckled; Octavia could talk all day if you let her. 

 **LGBTemison** : Whoa!  She seems nice tho. A little quiet. But it's hard to get a word in with you around (; 

After replying, she scrolled back up to the photo or Lexa, clicking to make it larger. She stared at it for a few seconds, quickly coming to the conclusion that Lexa had to be one of the most beautiful girls she's ever seen in her life. 

 **Badasstark** : I’d do her easily. Judging by that photo she seems to be fit if you know what I mean (; 

 **LGBTemison** : again you say that about every girl! Also don't go perving on the new girl already. 

 **Badasstark** : oh come on!

You can't tell me that you wouldn't do her given the chance!?!? 

Clarke rolled her eyes, yes Lexa was beautiful but "doing" her wasn't exactly what has come to mind. It was more like, wanting to know what her favorite color was, or how she likes her coffee in the morning. Did she even like coffee or was she more of a tea person? She wanted to get to know Lexa as a person. Lexa seemed quiet but wasn’t everybody before they got to know the people they were talking with? 

 **LGBTemison** : goodbye Octavia. 

Before clicking out of the chat, Clarke quickly saved the photo of Lexa. Solely for the purpose of drawing her, Clarke has to practice drawing people. At least, that was totally the reason she told herself. She surely would get tired of drawing Murphy after a while; she’d need a new subject. Was it weird to draw a girl she said 8 words to at most? It couldn’t be....Right? Lexa would never see it anyways. Clarke is sure she wouldn’t mind. With those final thought she once again got up off her bed to start her day...for real this time.

 

***

 

Lexa glares at her phone. It’s been doing that all day, the constant ping. This is why she doesn’t like group chats; they’re really just quite obnoxious. Normally she’d have muted it by now but she didn’t, for some odd reason anyways. She didn’t mind Raven so when she was added she didn’t immediately leave, and Octavia was… interesting. Clarke she wasn’t sure what Clarke was… quiet like her, only appearing every once in a while to playfully joke with her friends. She was humorous, but distant. Lexa supposed she understood that.

She’s never been a big talker, online or in real life so she hopes they aren’t expecting much and they must not be because nobody has managed to kick her out or demand her attention quite yet. “Would you pay attention to your damn device?” Anya grumbles from where she sits on the couch next to her. “I’m trying to enjoy this episode that you watched without me.” Her arms are crossed along her chest in general sassy Anya fashion and her gaze hasn’t left the screen, in fact, Lexa isn’t even sure if she’s blinking.

“You really think I’m going to wait a whole day for you?” The brunette teases back, a soft smirk attaching itself to her lips though Anya doesn’t even offer her a glance to notice it. Her eyes are too busy focused on the television screen across from them, large and glistening with the images of latest Game of Thrones episode.

She does manage to roll her eyes though. “You’re obsessed, I think it’s unhealthy.” And Lexa can’t help but find the irony in that since Anya hasn’t even blinked one moment through the whole episode and she was thirty minutes in. Lexa was wondering how long she could manage to stare at the television like that until there was a whole through the thing, and then she wondered if she looks the same when watching the show.

She assumes she probably does. “It’s healthy.” Lexa argues and picks up her phone from the arm of the couch that she leans against. It vibrates and tweets in her hand almost obnoxiously and she can’t help the glare that surfaces at it’s continues noises. “I’m not doing drugs?” She tacks on for good measure, as if that’s a valid reason to be as obsessed with the show as she is.

“And I would kick your ass if you were doing drugs.” Anya says blatantly, finally with her eyes blinking away from the television for one moment to glance at her seriously. Lexa manages a soft chuckle at her before Anya’s attention is enraptured once again by the television screen.

“I’d like to see you try.” Lexa says.

“Is that a challenge?” Anya’s tone rises and octave with her eyebrow shooting up with her words but her eyes yet again don’t part from the images in front of her.

“Definitely.”  Lexa states firmly.

“Maybe later, after your phone shuts the fuck up.” Her tone is a bit harsh but it only makes Lexa manage another light chuckle before she’s pressing the power button her phone and watching the screen light up temporarily to look at the notifications that are there. Only direct messages from Octavia and Raven going back and forth, they did that a lot. It was kind of amusing, but not enough to often keep Lexa’s attention.

“Hey, do not address my phone in such a hostile manor.” Lexa presses the power button to let the screen darken again and clutches it to her chest, as if it’s precious. “That’s my baby you’re talking about.” It’s dramatic, but it’s so Lexa that Anya says nothing, only rolls her eyes.

“Just please mute the damn thing.” Anya huffs, falling quiet a moment as her favorite character pops on screen.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lexa waves her off and unlocks her phone, pushing open the twitter application and waiting for it to load up. It does rather fast, the device buzzing in her hand even as it loads.

She pushes the envelope icon that indicates direct messages and slips into the group chat to see what they’re all so chatty about. None of it is really too extensively important, as most of its just random things that girl Octavia has muttered in her spare time. She really did never shut up and Lexa wasn’t completely sure if she liked that yet, but she was trying to be more optimistic about things.

Clarke seemed to of popped in around the same time as her however, and icon of Shay Mitchell pops up in the chat log.

 **LGBTemison** : should I start GoT?

Lexa smirks at that, because yes, yes she should.

 **Badasstark:** Yesssss why are you even asking?

 **spacehastings:** I’m scared that u’ll make me watch it.

 **LGBTemison:** you were saying you needed something new to watch

 **spacehastings:** I’m not watching that, too much medieval.

 **Badasstark:** stfu raven, Clarke watch it, istg it’s the best show ever.

Lexa bites her lip a moment as dots load up to show that Clarke is typing. She doesn’t let her finish before she adds her own message, pushing herself into the conversation. Well, it’s not exactly pushing if she was added to the chat, she has to remind herself that she’s not irritating anyone by speaking.

 **gayenerys:** watch it.

 **Badasstark:** See, lexa knows what’s up

 **LGBTemison:** I guess I could start it while I draw.

Lexa’s eyebrows knit as she tries to think of Clarke drawing, but she doesn’t even know what the girl looks like so the image fizzles quickly. She thinks it cool she draws, she’s always wanted to be good at that, but never could. Part of her wants to ask to see it, but she doesn’t know Clarke well enough and she doesn’t want to be weird.

 **gayenerys:** some ppl think that s1 is a little bit boring, but just pay attention and I’m sure you’ll enjoy the show. :)

 **spacehastings:** adding you was a mistake, next ur all gonna come at me.

 **gayenerys:** hey, she’s willingly watching it. We’re not making her do anything.  
**LGBTemison:** alright, alright, I’m trying it.

 **gayenerys:** keep us updated.

 **Badasstark:** you have to stay and talk in the gc to be updated lexa :P

Lexa frowns a moment and starts to type out an apology for being so quiet but Clarke beats her to sending and she ends up erasing her message after reading Clarke’s.

 **LGBTemison:** just becuz u talk a lot O doesn’t mean everyone does.

 **gayenerys:** I think I’ll just lurk thank you very much.

“Okay, when I said shut your phone up, I didn’t mean, pay attention only to your phone Lexa.” Anya is glaring at her and she doesn’t realize it until she glances up.

She rolls her eyes. “I really can’t win with you can I?” Lexa chuckles and shuts her phone off as it’s stopped buzzing for a moment, but she finds herself opening it immediately again after it buzzes up and she sees Clarke’s user with another response.

 **LGBTemison:** I’ll keep you updated Lexa

Lexa smiles briefly.

 **Badasstark:** WOOOOWWW her but not me? How long have we been friends? This is betrayal.

 **spacehastings:** shut up Octavia

Lexa laughs and Anya rolls her eyes at her again but she says nothing, rather used to Lexa getting lost in her second world at random times. Lexa clicks out of her group chat and decides to make a few tweets about the episode last night and each tweet does okay. Her following is a nice size, people often like her tweets but she doesn’t have many friends online. There’s only one she might direct message sometimes and shares tweets back and for with but really she isn’t online much to make friends. It’s mostly just an outlet for her. It’s something to help her get out of her own head at particular harder times.

She has a few friendly mutual that will tweet her sometimes, but nothing extreme. She wouldn’t exactly consider those ones friends. It’s nobody she’d die for, or fly across the world for. Just a few people she likes talking to every once in a while. Costia is the closest thing she has to a friend really online. So she comes to the conclusion that it’s probably good for her to be in a group chat, as it’ll get her around more. The same way going out to parties with Anya or joining the soccer team was good for her.

If she had it her way, she’d hardly say anything to anyone and just stay behind her camera all day, snapping the world into still moments that can be captured forever. “Who could possibly ever like Cersei?” Anya asks after a moment, a long scene with her playing out on the screen. Lexa is hardly paying attention to it, having already seen it the night before.

Lexa snaps out of her own thoughts almost instantly. “She’s well written.” She offers up as an explanation though she isn’t a big Cersei fan herself.

“That doesn’t mean you like her.” Anya reasons and Lexa nods because she’s right, but there are some people that do rather like her. She doesn’t bother mentioning that though.

“True.” Lexa phone pings and she glances at it but it’s not Clarke so she leaves it on the armrest of the couch, instead focusing on the episode she’s already seen and discussing some points with Anya beside her. It’s a typical summer day for them, too hot for Lexa to want to go outside and snap pictures and or for Anya to feel like kicking around a soccer ball. They spend most summers in Lexa’s rather large and beautiful house, mostly watching television.

 

 

“Lexa,” She hears her name being called through the large house but she’s almost not bothered to move from her position, squatted down with her Camera as she stares out of a large window at a bird picking at a leaf on the ground. The leaf is dead, but the bird is alive with color, and the sun is on its way down so it looks just right.

“I’m in here.” Lexa shouts back as she snaps a few photos, watching the bird take it’s time tearing apart the dead leaf. It’s kind of cute, there’s no real purpose in pecking at the leaf but the bird does anyway, maybe for fun, Lexa isn’t sure.

“Oh, you’re taking photos, what caught your eye this time?” Her mother smiles over at her and she glances behind her to see it for only a moment before focusing back on the bird, not wanting to miss a moment that she can’t capture in a photograph.

“Look.” She says gently and points out the window at the little bird. Her mother walks up beside her, following where she points and smiling even wider at the sight.

“I bet you got a good photo.” She sounds so proud, and of course Lexa can’t help but feel warm as her mother stares at her with admiration. She’s always been so supportive of her photography, so proud of her for it. Lexa’s almost sure she’s her number one fan, buying her all the equipment she needs and always helping her put together portfolios. She gushes over every single photo Lexa takes, even the not so good ones, and Lexa is never annoyed by it.

She’s lucky to have a mother that supports her so massively. “A few probably.” Lexa snaps some more as her mother kisses the side of her head before walking back toward the hallway, grabbing the bags she had been carrying from the ground.

Before she fully exits the room however, she’s turning back around. “You’re Dad called about the festival you wanted to go to, that’s in the park right?”

“Anya wants to go, what did he say?” Lexa glances over her shoulder at her mother and she’s giving her that look that she always gives her whenever she can’t give her a straight answer so Lexa already knows what she’s about to say he said.

“He said he’s working on a big case but he’ll try his best.” And that usually means no, but Lexa can’t be mad about it. She did ask him last minute and he normally spends most of his free time with her anyway. He’s just always working, just like her mother. They love her, she loves them, they just work, a lot.

Lexa sighs a moment before standing from the position she had been crouched in and letting her camera hang around her neck, with one hand supporting it as she walks over to follow her mother into the kitchen.

“I’m sure he will.” Lexa hops up on the counter as her mother sifts through bags she had brought home with her, take-out with some groceries. Lexa’s mom isn’t home often and she doesn’t cook much, usually Lexa does the cooking, but she works hard at the national treasury bureau and Lexa understands that.

“He tries his best Lex,” Her mother offers up a soft smile and Lexa returns it with a nod.

“I know.” Lexa hops off the counter and pulls her camera from around her neck, setting it where she had just been sitting very gently, hovering over it as if it’ll hop off itself and she needs to remind it not to move. “You got apples right?” She asks after she’s finally done hovering her camera, glancing into the paper bags her mother had brought home with her.

“I did,”

“Red?”

“Of course Lexa, is there someone else I buy food for besides you?” She grins at her daughter with amusement and Lexa chuckles.

“Anya?” She offers up as playful question.

“She only thinks I buy food for her.” Her mother pulls out the bag of apples and hands them to Lexa who takes them to put them away, though she washes one off for herself.

Lexa’s phone begins to ping almost continuously in her pocket and she sighs heavily, her mother’s eyebrows going up as she glances over at her, not used to Lexa’s phone being so active. “New friends?” She asks curiously and that makes Lexa chuckle because her mother knew her well enough to know that she wasn’t socializing much with anyone this summer.

She had barely left her house outside of going to work at the bookstore down the street “Polis Books & Café” or hanging out with Anya somewhere, which was normally her house if not Lexa’s. Though Anya wasn’t a big fan of her own home, often taking a spare bedroom at Lexa’s just to get away. “Sort of.” Lexa answers anyway, because maybe that statement can be true if she can manage to make herself socialize in this group chat.

She takes her apple and heads out of the kitchen for her room. She pulls her phone from her pocket and unlocks it as she walks, deciding now would be a good time to maybe check the chat again as it has been a few hours.

 **Badasstark:** Clarke what ep r u on?

 **Badasstark:** Clarrrrrke

 **Badasstark:** you can’t ignore me forever

 **Badasstark:** CLARKE

 **LGBTemison:** FFS WHAT

 **Badasstark:** Updates Clarke

 **LGBTemison:** just started ep 2, a boy just got pushed out a window, Im trying to watch

 **Badasstark:** That’s bran

 **LGBTemison:** ik that, he loved climbing, that prince charming dude is evil

Lexa bites into her apple as she kicks her bedroom door completely open with the tip of her foot and contemplates on interjecting. She decides after a moment that she will, though she doesn’t want to bother Clarke by distracting her from the show the same way Octavia is. She is however curious about what Clarke thinks so far. She is for some reason interested in talking with her, though she isn’t completely sure why that is.

 **gayenerys:** Prince charming? Jaime?

 **LGBTemison:** that the guy fucking his sister? Which is gross btw

 **gayenerys:** yeah that’s him, why refer to him as prince charming?

 **LGBTemison:** he legit looks exactly like prince charming from Shrek

 **gayenerys:** lol I never thought of that.

 **Badasstark:** I’m starting to think Lexa only likes Clarke in this gc

That actually manages to rip a chuckle from Lexa as she flops onto her bed, adjusting into a sitting up position against her headboard as she takes another bite of her apple. Clarke was the least annoying of all three of them, so maybe that was true.

 **LGBTemison:** Octavia omg

 **gayenerys:** hmm, maybe ;)

 **spacehastings:** OMG

 **LGBTemison:** ;)

 **Badasstark:** DON’T FLIRT

 **gayenerys:** oh my, okay, I was kidding, I just love the show

 **spacehastings:** Lexa’s gay if you can’t tell Clarke

Lexa rolls her eyes and hopes Clarke doesn’t immediately start thinking she’s weird.

 **gayenerys:** don’t be rude

 **LGBTemison:** thank god, we have a strict no heterosexual rule in this gc

 **gayenerys:** not a bad rule

 **Badasstark:** ur @ is clever than

 **spacehastings:** it is?

 **Badasstark:** Daenerys GAY Daenerys GAYenerys!

 **spacehastings:** dansajgkajsgklj a character in throne of games?

 **Badasstark:** ur pissing me off

 **spacehastings:** what did I do?

Lexa laughs and shuts the application after a while of Raven and Octavia going back and forth. Clarke seems to have disappeared so she doesn’t particularly feel like staying. She’s always excited when someone new gets into the show and Clarke seems nice, so maybe they can talk more and Lexa wouldn’t mind it too much.

She likes drawing. She keeps thinking about that for some reason and finds herself clicking onto Clarke’s profile, scrolling through her tweets as if a drawing will appear. Most of it is not that however, and Clarke has slightly a bit more followers than she does, not by many, just a tiny bit. She is however, friends with a lot more people. Noticing her twitter is pretty active and full of all kinds of Pretty Little Liars related things and mutuals she must be more than friendly with.

Lexa thinks maybe Clarke is probably just interesting to everyone and that can’t be that surprising really, she is quite funny and friendly. Some of her tweets are witty; some of them are just fandom nonsense, mostly what you’d expect on stan twitter. Lexa isn’t the biggest fan of Pretty Little Liars but she does like it a little, that is how she met Raven anyway.

She spends a good amount of time scrolling far down Clarke’s tweets before she decides to stop and gets distracted with other things, deciding that tomorrow she’ll ask Clarke for updates on where she is at in the show and maybe that can get them talking and maybe she can make a new friend, if she can manage to socialize a bit better and actually converse. She can manage it, she’s not the worst, after all, people somewhat like her tweets so she can’t be all that bad to talk too, hopefully.


	2. chapter two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, here's another chapter, enjoy it. :)

Clarke was a little over half way through season one of Game of Thrones when her phone began to ring loudly. She paused the episode on her laptop before picking up the phone and accepting it. 

"Hey Murph" the blonde greeted her friend. 

"Hey, there's a bonfire going on down at Jasper's tonight. You coming?" Murphy asked his blonde friend. Jasper was known for having crazy parties, they usually tended to get a bit out of control. Last month the cops showed up because someone decided they were going to climb on the neighbor’s roof and set fireworks off of it. Clarke remembered telling Raven about the party that night and Raven was ready to travel up from San Diego to Seattle (where Clarke lived) to join the hooligans who set off the fireworks. Apparently Raven had a thing for explosives, more often than not the girl could be found tweeting about some kind of rocket or machine she was working on. 

Clarke looked down at her laptop, she was half way through an episode and it was starting to get really good. Normally Clarke would always accept an invite to get drunk off cheap beer and "moonshine"; Jasper's signature drink, but today she just wasn't interested. Plus, once she finished this episode she could message Lexa and Octavia about it. 

"Nah not today, plus I promised my parents I'd hang with them today." That wasn't totally a lie. She told her mom she was going to be staying in for the night, so that technically counted as hanging with them right? 

"Lame, see ya later Griffin" Murphy said ending the call. Clarke tossed her phone off to the side of her bed and quickly hit play on the laptop. 

 

 

Twenty minutes later she was done with the seventh episode. She closed her laptop removing it from her lap. She picked up her phone from where it rested on her bed. Opening the twitter app, she went to write out a new tweet:

_Just finished the seventh episode of GoT! @gayenerys thanks for getting me hooked (;_

After sending out her tweet to twitter sphere, the blonde clicked on the envelope icon on the bottom. Bypassing the group chat, which she was sure was filled with Octavia’s drama, she opened up a new direct message. 

_New message to Lexa_

**LGBTemison:** omg I'm half way through the season! Why didn't I ever watch this sooner?!?? 

 **LGBTemison:** Prince Charming is still an ass *rolls eyes* go figure it's always the uptight man children ruining it for everyone. 

 **LGBTemison:** also I totally capital L love Daenerys!! She's so badass. Plus I feel kind of bad for Sansa but I'm not sure about her yet?? Please tell me she gets better cos I want to love her the same way I like the rest of the stark children.

 **LGBTemison:** Lexa???

Clarke sighed, maybe Lexa was busy? She exited out of the message screen and went back to her timeline. She scrolled through it for a few moments before getting bored. She really wanted to talked to someone about the episode, she could go to Octavia but she'd probably just talk over her and spoil a bunch of it for her.

The girl really wished Lexa would answer. She realized that the other girl wasn't exactly the most social person in the group or even on twitter for that matter but she still kept up enough when she needed to. Deciding to go a different route with communicating with Lexa she tried to go for the indirect way. 

Opening up a new tweet she wrote: 

_When you wanna talk about GoT but someone (lexaa!!!) won't dm you back!!?!_

Sending the tweet out once again, Clarke exited the app, pocketing her phone. She slipped off her bed and out of her bedroom. She walked into the kitchen to find her mom getting ready to leave for work. 

"Hey mom" Clarke greeted her mother who was in the kitchen gathering up her coffee mug and belongings. 

Abby turned around with a smile, "Hey sweetheart, I was just about to go up and say bye to you." The older women walked towards her daughter. "Your dad will be home a little later." 

"Late shift again?" The blonde asked as she opened the fridge to check the contents inside. Deciding she wasn't actually hungry just bored she shut the door. 

"Yeah, I was called in. They're short shifted." Abby explained leaning in to kiss her daughter on the cheek. "I'll see you later honey." 

"Bye, love you." The daughter said as her mom walked out the door. Sighing, Clarke went back up to her room to grab her paints and canvas. At least she could paint uninterrupted for a while since no one was home. She walked out onto the balcony setting her things down on the table.

She loved living on the lake. It brought on so many pretty colors she could paint over and over again. Half of her room was filled with paintings of orange and red skies and glistening blue waves. Clarke sat down on the paint splattered chair, the one her mom screamed at her for ruining, and began to bring the scene of the sun reflecting on the water to life.  A few hours later it was becoming too dark for Clarke to even see what she was painting, so she finally gave up, gathering up all her materials and making her way back into the house.  

"Dad" Clarke called out into the still household. She got no answer back.

After dropping off her things at her bedroom and trading her now dirty shirt for a new one, she ventured into the living room. No sign of her father could be found. She decides to check the kitchen, hoping by some chance her father was in there, even though it was quite unlikely since the only meals Jake could make were either on the grill outside or pancakes.

When she entered she noticed that the lights had been turned on, indicating that someone had been home. Sitting on the counter top was a small note scribbled in Clarke’s father’s handwriting. 

_Clarke, ran out to get some food. I don't think your mother would appreciate me killing the both of us with food poisoning._

_Dad_

Clarke chuckled throwing away the note. That was so typical of her father. He was always much better with jokes and mechanics than food and cooking. She made her way back into her room and relaxes back on her bed. She decided she should check up on her twitter, it had been a few hours after all. She tends to get lost in her art and forgets the outside world exists. 

Once she’s logged in she saw she had a few notifications, tapping on the little bell icon she went through the few RTs she had gotten after tweeting about Game of Thrones to ex. One notification made her stop to read it. She quickly clicked on it to expand it. 

 **@gayenerys:** ( _replying to @LGBTemison_ ) wow someone's impatient....I was at work. 

Clarke chuckled but realized she had no idea where Lexa lived. Was she even from America? Where did she work? How old was she? She realized she didn't know much about Lexa at all. 

 **@LGBTemison:** ( _replying to @gayenerys_ ) working??!? This is important how could you be working at my time of need?? 

The blonde figured she would take the teasing route while replying; it had seemed Lexa had done the same. 

It was almost instant that Clarke was getting a notification of a new tweet.

 **@gayenerys:** ( _replying to @LGBTemison_ ) yes Clarke working, is that a new concept to you? 

The blonde stared back at her phone in shock, she didn't know the quiet girl in the group chat could be so sassy. 

Biting her lip the artist hit the reply button and wrote out:

 **@LGBTemison:** ( _replying to @gayenerys_ ) I can feel the sass all the way over here wow. To think I just wanted to ask a question. 

The back and forth continued on a little longer before Clarke's phone began to vibrate violently with messages from the group chat. Sighing, she tapped the direct message icon and prepared herself for whatever it was that Octavia was going on about now. Shockingly it was Raven this time. 

 **spacehastings:** hey can you two gays stop flirting all over my tl 

 **Badasstark:** did we not say no flirting?!?? I expect this from Clarke but Lexa?? I'm shocked. 

 **LGBTemison:** I'm bi Raven and we aren't flirting...also wow rude O, I don't flirt with everyone. 

 **Badasstark:** Clarke you flirt with anything that has legs.

 **spacehasting:** oh you two were flirting anyone with eyes could see that. 

 **gayenerys:** uh....?? I wasn't flirting. No one except you two think that we were. 

 **Badasstark:** put it to a vote Rae!

 **LGBTemison:** bad idea Octavia ! No Raven don't do that. Even if we were flirting would it matter?!? 

 **LGBTemison:** Also O, I’m pretty sure you’re getting me mixed up with you. 

 **spacehastings:** excellent idea Octavia! Yes Raven do that. 

Clarke sighed; her friends were being quite annoying. She wasn't flirting with Lexa and Lexa said she wasn't flirting with her so what was the big deal?  She was just being friendly and playful and it seems Lexa was doing the same 

 **spacehasting:** wow....not even five minutes and half my followers say you two were flirting....interesting 

 **gayenerys:** just cos your followers say we were doesn't mean we were raven. 

 **gayenerys:** Clarke and myself have already said we weren't. 

 **gayenerys:** wouldn't flirt with her regardless. 

Clarke sucked in a breath of air, for some reason Lexa saying she wouldn't flirt with Clarke hurt. She wasn't sure why it stung but it did. Lexa and Clarke hadn't know each other for more than a couple weeks but she was fond of the soccer player, and she thought Lexa felt the same but maybe not? What she did know was that Raven and Octavia need to stop butting in. She didn't want Lexa to feel weird talking to her now. 

 **LGBTemison:** you two are annoying me goodbye. 

There was a knock at her door before her father pocked his head around her door. "Hey kiddo" Jake greeted his daughter. "Foods on the table, hot and ready from the store." 

"Thanks dad, I'll be down in a minute.” Clarke nodded as her father smiled and walked back down the stairs. Tossing her phone down on her bed, she slid off her bed making her way downstairs.

Clarke loved spending the evenings with her father. They were so much alike and the conversation usually flowed well between the two of them. Jake always wanted to know about her art work or what was going on in her life. Don’t get her wrong, her mother was interested as well but her dad was always more in depth with his questions. Clarke and Jake were able to have dinner together at least three time a week, he worked a lot but his hours weren’t as bad as Abby’s, which is a great thing as Clarke usually always had one of her parents’ home at night.

 

***

 

The last thing Lexa needs is for Clarke to know that she finds her personality interesting enough to actually flirt with it… not that she is, because why would she when she doesn’t even know Clarke that well, but she is intrigued by her. She’s interesting and says interesting things and she has an interesting way of thinking, that’s not weird to think about somebody, right? Even if you don’t know what they look like?

Raven and Octavia were obnoxious but she is aware they must only be joking. She isn’t exactly sure why and she doesn’t understand why the hell Raven is making posts about them but she doesn’t bother questioning her about it (even if it did offend her she probably wouldn’t say anything).

Instead she’s more interested in getting to know Clarke better and hopefully Clarke’s friends had not made that incredibly weird and destroyed that possibility.

Lexa opens her chat with Clarke and hovers over the “start a message” line for a moment as she thinks of something to say, of a good conversation starter. She’s not the most social and she’s not the best at starting up discussions but she knows she’s not a complete dud to talk to.

The problem is just getting to the talking.

She clicks and begins to type into her phone’s keyboard.

 **gayenerys:** are you gonna watch anymore GoT today?

And it isn’t much, it’s completely neutral, but also something. It’s something at least and she waits a moment until she sees the little bubble with the three little dots appear next to Clarke’s icon of Shay Mitchell.

She exits out of direct message before Clarke sends it; she doesn’t want to seem weird, like she was waiting on her, even if she kind of is.

 **LGBTemison:** I’m having dinner but maybe

 **gayenerys:** why eat when you could be watching GoT?

 **LGBTemison:** have to be alive to watch it; are you going to give me spoilers?

 **gayenerys:** You wish.

 **LGBTemison:** I don’t want them anyway

 **gayenerys:** Sure you don’t. That’s definitely why you asked about it.

 **LGBTemison:** I’m glad you understand.

Lexa chuckles but gets distracted at the knock on her door, leaving her phone open on her bed; she stands up and crosses the room to answer it.

“Hey kid,” her Dad ruffles her hair and she smiles at him, giving him a hug and exiting her room as he signals for her to follow him. After work on Sundays she normally comes home to her Dad’s apartment. She sees him far less than she does her mom, who she lives with on average and has since their split because she just has more time to spend with Lexa than he does and even she doesn’t have that much.

Both of their careers are demanding, but they all agreed that Lexa would be better off living with her mom. In result of that she saw her father even less than she would had he still been living with them. Sundays were their day, as he averagely came home late and so did she, but they’d spend most of the night together.

“I made your favorite, how was work?” He asks her casually with his signature half smile.

“It was okay.” She enters the kitchen and finds that her father had already made up her plate. “Dad you know I’m 18, right?” She teases and he glares at her, but a light amusement crosses his features.

“If I want to make up my daughter’s plate like she’s six I’ll make up my daughter’s plate like she’s six.” He teases her playfully and grabs his plate as well, making his way to the living room. “Watch the game with me?” He asks but of course Lexa wouldn’t say no. She’s here to see him after all.

She nods her head. “Yeah sure. Just let me get my phone.”

“Of course, can’t be without that.” He teases further and Lexa chuckles as she abandons her plate to make her way back down the hall toward her room. She snatches up her phone, having left it open when she left the room, Clarke’s messages had come in and her phone had read them, leaving for a few amusing in-directs for her when she came back.

She responded to them with equal amounts of sass and sits down to have dinner with her dad. When the group-chat starts blowing up again she shuts the application and tells Clarke she’ll talk to her later, and focuses on watching the game with her Dad.

She wasn’t sure about staying in that group-chat much longer, truthfully she thinks she’s only still in it, or at least hasn’t muted it because she wants to talk to Clarke which is… interesting.

 

 

It’s later in the week that Lexa actually does mute the group chat. She mutes it because why should she keep it active after Clarke had decided to directly message her… consistently throughout the last week. Not to mention Raven and Octavia were actually annoying. Lexa was starting to worry that they would ruin whatever new friendship she’s started with Clarke because of their constant need to involve their followers in their “relationship”.

They’re not even flirting technically; at least Lexa didn’t think she was. They just got along. She didn’t even know what Clarke looked like, where she lived, how old she was. Why would she flirt with someone she doesn’t even really know?

Maybe she should be more shocked by the fact that she actually wants to know those things about Clarke but she actively decides she’d prefer to ignore that feeling instead of acknowledging it.

She chose a bad day to have her group chat muted however, perhaps there would have been some vague warning if she hadn’t had it muted, but she didn’t even check it. The first place she went when she opened the app on her phone was direct messages because sometimes she’d have one from Clarke. And she did, she had one asking about a particular scene but she wasn’t going to give her the answer she wanted, so she typed something vague in instead and an emoji to lighten the message.

She really should have looked at the group-chat first.

It was another hashtag of selfies day. She wasn’t expecting it but they appeared randomly. She did them sometimes, she wasn’t particularly in the mood to do this one however, so instead she just scrolled through her timeline briefly, but her scrolling came to a stop pretty quickly. “What the fuck,” She finds herself mumbling out loud having stopped dead in her tracks on her timeline.

She’s sure she’s staring at the most beautiful girl she’s ever seen. “What?” Anya looks up from her book where she sits at the end of Lexa’s bed, curiosity in her gaze but Lexa’s eyes are attached to the picture in front of her.

“Nothing. I’ve just seen god.” She says almost breathlessly, it’s probably dramatic but she doesn’t feel like it’s an exaggeration at all.

“What are you talking about?”

“Look.” Lexa sits up from the lying position she had been in and climbs across the bed toward the end to sit near Anya. “Look at her face.” Lexa drops her phone on the bed and clicks on the picture so it expands across her phone screen. She flips through the two there. “Have you ever seen someone so beautiful in your life?” She gushes, her eyes unable to look away to see the roll of Anya’s eyes beside her.

“Lexa you are so gay.” Her tall friend mutters with a slight amused huff.

“She’s fucking beautiful!” Lexa exclaims and points to the picture on her phone as if Anya doesn’t actually have eyes in her head.

“Who is she?” Anya studies the picture a moment. “Is she famous or something?”

“No,” Lexa admires the picture for a long moment, taking in the features of the girl’s face, her long blonde hair and the kind of blue eyes that remind her of the sky. She decides then and there that Clarke’s eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue she has ever seen. She’d even go as far to say that maybe that’s her new favorite color. She already liked blue anyway.

“You are so gay Lexa,” Anya rolls her eyes again and moves her gaze back to her book as if that could ever be more interesting than the beautiful girl still expanded across Lexa’s phone screen.

“How can you not be when a girl that looks like that exists in the world somewhere?” She is being dramatic now, but it’s nothing Anya isn’t used too.

She exits out of the picture and moves back across the bed to lean against her headboard. She clicks the quote tweet option.

_I have never been so blessed in all my life._

She clicks on the group-chat and quickly discovers more pictures, Clarke asking which her best ones are and Lexa’s breathe catches audibly. Anya just looks at her and chuckles before focusing back on her book.

“Your weakness for blondes is showing.” She mumbles quietly beside her with a voice full of teasing and light heartedness.

“I am not weak.” Lexa playfully snaps back and begins to type into the message bar.

 **gayenerys:** they are ALL your best ones.

 **spacehastings:** I will screenshot this and post it Lexa

 **Badasstark:** stoooooop flirting

Clarke responds to Lexa’s Direct Message first before she seems to bother with the group-chat conversation so Lexa switches over, reading over her message and chuckling slightly.

 **LGBTemison:** wow helpful lexa, real helpful

 **gayenerys:** I try my best. :P

And then Clarke enters the group-chat conversation so Lexa switches back over when she notices a few new messages from that.

 **LGBTemison:** thank you lexa.

 **LGBTemison:** you both are idiots.

 **Badasstark:** and you both are in looove.

 **LGBTemison:** you sound like my eight year old cousin

 **spacehastings:** he also realizes u and lexa are in love?

Lexa rolls her eyes and exits the group-chat, moving over to her twitter notifications which a few have rolled in, one from Clarke but a few also from others that shocked her a bit.

 **@LGBTemison:** ( _replying to @gayenerys_ ) aren’t you cute (;

And right below her are a few comments from random people Lexa hasn’t spoken to on twitter before.

“This is soo cute, I ship it.”

“Another day another flirt.”

“Get married already.”

Lexa’s not even close with these people. She doesn’t know them, she’s never spoken to them, and of course, stan twitter she’s got a hefty amount of followers so she’s experienced some things like this before but this just felt… weird? Weird because she didn’t know Clarke that well and Clarke didn’t fully know her, weird because these people didn’t know her or Clarke just the same and yet here they were… _why_?

Lexa decides to ignore it, shrugging it off and liking Clarke’s comment. She moves back to her direct messages when she’s noticed Clarke has messaged her back.

 **LGBTemison:** You aren’t weirded out by my friends right?

 **LGBTemison:** they’re just joking but I will make them stop if it bothers you

Lexa smiles to herself and thinks a minute before responding.

 **gayenerys:** it’s a little weird, but I’m not bothered.

 **LGBTemison:** are you going to do the #?

 **gayenerys:** dying to see my gorgeous face?

 **LGBTemison:** ha ha funny, but it’s only fair since you’ve seen mine ;)

 **gayenerys:** guess I will have to be fair then.

Lexa moves out of her direct messages and tweets a few selfies she knows she looks good in, her best ones that she hasn’t already posted before. She doesn’t think she’s half as pretty as Clarke, but she looks okay enough in them.

It doesn’t take long for the blonde to respond to it.

 **@LGBTemison:** ( _replying to @gayenerys_ ) I like your face.

 **@gayenerys:** ( _replying to @LGBTemison_ ) I like your face too.

She gets a bit annoyed as a few comments pop in from a few more strangers.

“date.”

“I ship it!!”

But she manages to even scoff when she sees Octavia’s reply.

 **@Badasstark:** ( _replying to @gayenerys and @LGBTemison_ ) you both make me sick

“Lexa I’m trying to read, it’s a phone.” Anya teases loudly, her disinterest in the book was clearer than ever, she could see the boredom stapled on her friends face when she looked up at her.

“Shut up.” Lexa sticks her tongue out at her friend and Anya chucks the book at her, though she doesn’t aim for her and instead it thuds against the wall beside her head an falls behind the headboard of her bed, clunking to the ground below her bed with a loud thud.

She chuckles a bit. “You’ve lost that book forever now.” She informs her as if Anya couldn’t easily crawl under the bed and get it. She knew she wouldn’t though, Anya didn’t like tight spaces and it would probably be Lexa to get it later when it’s ticked at her brain enough to annoy her, knowing that a random book lies misplaced under her bed instead of in a neat order on her book shelf somewhere.

“It sucked anyway.” Anya tells her and huffs dramatically as she rolls over on the bed onto her back and stares at the ceiling.

Lexa pockets her phone for now, finding the invasion of her and Clarke’s followers a tad bit annoying and decides she needs a distraction as well. “Want to go shoot some pictures?”

Anya’s head turns to the side so she can see her. “You mean use me as your model again?” She teases truthfully because most likely. Lexa takes a lot of pictures of Anya, mostly because it was the only other person in Lexa’s life that she was comfortable with outside of her parents. Anya was also very confident so she never minded whenever Lexa wanted to use her for a good shot.

“Come on, we can bring your favorite soccer ball and you can invite Lincoln?” She gives Anya the eyes because she knows just hwo well that look always gives her almost anything she wants by the girl.

Her friend scoffs once she sees it. “You don’t like hanging out with Lincoln outside of school.” She tries to protest but she’s bored enough to agree and that look never fails on her, she’s weak for it.

“I don’t like hanging out with anyone but you and the internet.” Lexa informs her so she knows that argument doesn’t work.

“True, you really want to shoot for a bit huh?” Anya sits up on her bed and Lexa nods.

“Yeah, come on.” She’s reaching for her camera on the table beside her bed before Anya is even saying yes.

“Okay, okay. I’ll call him.” Anya rolls her eyes but she smiles at her nonetheless. The eyes always work.

 

***

 

Walking back into her room after dinner that night, Clarke wasn't feeling particularly tired. She figured she could shower and maybe it would make her feel less awake.  Besides she needed one after spending hours in the sun painting. Grabbing some pajamas, the blonde walked into her en-suite bathroom. 

Stripping her clothes off, she turned on the water and waited for it to warm up.  Once the water was a favorable temperature Clarke stepped in.  She started humming to herself as she went about her shower routine.

Not many people knew Clarke was into music as well as art.  Well if you don't count all her twitter followers. She had been writing a song for a few days now and hasn't been able to find the right words to finish it and it was increasingly becoming more and more frustrating. Her humming quickly formed into singing as she lathered her hair with shampoo.

By the time she had turned off the water she felt confident enough with the rest of the lyrics she had formed. Quickly dressing she walked back into her room, grabbing her guitar from where it sat on its stand in the corner by her desk. She hopped on her bed, strumming the guitar, figuring out the melody she wanted. Once she had that done she sang through the song softly.

She never really made a habit of posting her music online. She normally just kept it to herself but every now and then when she felt she had a really good song going she wanted opinions on it. Her followers seemed too really love when she popped up with a video so she figured now was as good as ever to tweet one out.  She spent the next hour or so recording herself over and over, trying to get it just right. She didn't want to put out something that was half assed and sloppy.

Finally after what seemed like ages, Clarke felt confident with what she had produced. She logged onto twitter through her laptop attaching the video file to a new tweet:

_New song I've been working on. Thoughts? Emotions? Feelings?_

She hit send and waited to see what everyone thought about it. A few comments came pretty fast.

"You're voice! I'm in love!"

"Wow this is great"

 **@spacehastings:** (replying to @LGBTemison) clarkes done it again! Fav work my friend.

Clarke smiled at Raven’s comment; she was always supportive of Clarke’s creations.

Clarke was just about to sign off when a new notification came in.

 **@gayenerys:** (replying to @LGBTemison) is this what angels sound like?

Clarke was grinning ear to ear now and if anyone looked closely they’d be able to see a slight tint of pink on her cheeks. Every nice comment she had gotten on her video made her smile but there was something about Lexa's that made her stomach do a little flip. Chalking it up to excitement over her new friend liking her music, she replied to the tweet.

 **@LGBTemison:** (replying to @gayenerys) charmer (;

As soon as it was tweeted her notification went wild.

"Supportive girlfriends"

"Goals!"

"Have you wrote a song for Lexa yet?"

Clarke quickly exited out of twitter and slammed her laptop shut. All this attention on her and Lexa was starting to give her anxiety. She couldn't deal with it, she couldn't tweet Lexa without people going crazy. It was starting to become annoying slightly. It was just fun and games when Raven and Octavia would joke about it but random followers? No, Clarke wasn't really having that.

 

***

 

Lexa’s sitting down at the park with Lincoln and Anya for the second time that week when they decide to take a break from letting Lexa photograph them again as they pass the ball back and forth. The sun had gone down quite a while ago, and the park was lit up only by street lamps now and the buildings lights that surround it.  

A few notifications sit from Clarke, a few direct messages but she bypasses them and opens up a different notification from her closest friend online instead, deciding that she’ll talk to Clarke again in a moment, after her friends have seemed to die down on the topic of their “relationship” which wasn’t anything because they didn’t even really know each other that well… even if Clarke was rather interesting and Lexa did want to know her, it was none of their business.

She’s known Costia since she joined the fandom on twitter and they have the same favorite character so they got along pretty fast. She didn’t really like talking to people or anyone else really (even though others have tried to get to know her) she just didn’t like talking to people much. Costia was an exception.

 **daenerystormborn:** this mad queen stuff is actively annoying me

“Oh no, she’s on her phone again.” Anya teases loudly as she plops into the grass by the bench next to her, snatching up her water bottle from the ground and unscrewing the lid to guzzle the contents of it down. Lincoln is toing at the soccer ball beside them, looking smug since he won the last round him and Anya played.

“We’re taking a break.” Lexa protests but relaxes when Anya smiles at her. Lincoln shrugs and toes at the soccer ball some more from where he stands now including himself in the conversation. He was friends with Anya, not really with Lexa, but they did get along perfectly fine when necessary and he was a really nice guy.

She replies to Costia and scrolls back through her timeline, allowing her attention to move from the scenery and toward her device.

Clarke messages her again and she moves to answer it but stops. There’s too much going on, Clarke’s friends and now random people in their mentions, it’s weird. Maybe if she just doesn’t reply right away people will leave her and even Clarke alone about it and then Lexa can talk to her like a normal person without people being so invasive about it.

She frowns because she wants to talk to Clarke but exits out of the application instead, receiving a text from Costia she goes to that instead.

 **Cos** **:** why is raven putting up polls asking if ur flirting with some girl and why are you flirting with some girl?

 **Lex** **:** because she’s incredibly annoying and I’m not flirting.

 **Cos** **:** aren’t you flirting?

 **Lex** **:**   No. I don’t even know her that well.

 **Cos** **:** She’s pretttty

 **Lex** **:**   Yeah so?

 **Cos** **:** Sooo u like blondes, ur flirting

 **Lex** **:**   Now you are being annoying.

Costia messages her on twitter so she flips back to that notification and answers the opposite one about the show. They do that a bit, flipping back and forth between texting and direct messaging, Costia taking to twitter to tell them how well they can multi-task and it makes Lexa laugh before she’s logging back out and ready to snap a few more pictures with Anya.

She always likes the ones she gets the best when the sun is going down, but she’s been trying to practice her night shots too. Though in the middle of taking one picture of her friend as she kicks the ball almost aggressively toward Lincoln’s head her mind conjures up the image of Clarke and for a brief moment, she wishes she could photograph her instead… she shakes off the thought though, thinking maybe that’s strange… It shouldn’t be, Clarke is beautiful, she’d be great to photograph, that’s all it is. That’s the only reason Lexa thought about it because she likes taking pictures of beautiful things.

She’ll message Clarke back when she gets home for now, she just needs to clear her head and focus on her photographs.

 

***

 

"Clarke, are you even paying attention?" Clarke’s head shot up from where it had been buried in her phone. Her eyes flicked from the TV screen playing some action movie on it to Murphy who was staring at her with a smirk.

"Huh? Yeah of course" the blonde waved off her friend locking her phone.

Murphy’s eyebrows shot up in a challenging way "Yeah? What's going on in the movie?"

Clarke glanced back to the TV screen, she had no idea what was going on to be honest. She was far too stuck in her phone; more importantly, in twitter. "Easy, the girl got taken and now the guy is being the hero and saving her." She said with fake confidence.

Murphy laughed shaking his head "Not even close Griffin" 

"Oh please I'm sure that's happened at least six times in this film since that's all women ever do in these action movies according to the male directors." Clarke rolled her eyes, she wasn't a big fan of action films for that sole purpose. She heard Murphy mumble something but her phone had pinged with a new notification from twitter and she was quick to look back down at it. 

Her heart sped up a tad thinking it might be Lexa but quickly slowed back down when she saw it was just Raven talking about something she had built in the group chat.

Bypassing the chat all together, Clarke went back to scrolling her timeline. There wasn't much going on, it was mostly filled with Lexa talking to some girl she's never seen on her timeline before. Lexa and the unknown girl seemed to be talking about Game of Thrones; at least that's what it looked to be about. Clarke didn’t read all of it because it had quite a few spoilers.

Clicking on the direct message icon, Clarke went into her and Lexa’s private message to make sure the girl hasn't replied and she had just missed it.  Seeing that it was still unread and unanswered the blonde sighed. Lexa was clearly on twitter why wasn't she answering her? Why was she actively having a whole conversation with this other girl but not Clarke? Had she done something wrong?

Clarke thought back to all the times Lexa and her had talked over the past week or so, she couldn't recall anything she had done wrong to warrant her to be...ignored. Was that even what was happening here? Was she being ignored? It's certainly felt like it. Lexa was on twitter, she could understand not answering if she was busy but she didn't really seem to be at all.

Sighing, the blonde decided she would throw out a random tweet to see if Lexa would notice and message her back.

_Much rather be watching GoT right now instead of this overrated action film_

Clarke waited a few moments to see if Lexa would take the bait, she hadn't, instead she had a few other comment on it saying things like:

"Skype date with Lexa and watch it.”

“Lexa’s made a monster outta you with GoT"

Clarke didn't understand why she and Lexa were getting so much attention, they were just friends. They've not even know each other for a month and people were shipping them? This was such a new thing to Clarke, a new and weird thing. Was this a thing people really did on twitter?

Not wanting to be bothered with the application anymore and Lexa potentially ignoring her, the artist sighed and exited the app with a slight pout on her face. She let her phone drop in her lap and tried to focus back in on the movie that was playing and not the brunette that was invading her thoughts more often than not lately. It wasn't an easy task.


	3. chapter three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew this was almost late. But nope, it's not. Success, enjoy this chapter. :)

Lexa likes that she has Wednesdays off. She gets up early, makes breakfast for her mother before she has to leave for work, gets a run in and has a shower. It puts her in a good mood and normally sets in motion a rather good day. But things weren’t working out super great for her on this morning. So far she’s burned the pancakes, her mom didn’t have time to sit down and eat anything, she tripped and fell on her run and scrapped her knee and she’s completely out of her favorite conditioner. So it’s safe to say by eleven in the morning she’s rather frustrated when she finally unplugs her phone and gives it some attention.

She messages Clarke back like she hadn’t ignored her the day before and deciding that today was probably not a good day for her to go out and take some pictures she made her way into the living room and plopped on the couch and switched the television on. She spent most of her time here anyways, and if she was going to scrap her knees and burn her food perhaps it was just best she kept to herself.

 **LGBTemison:** Why the hell would you run in the morning?

 **gayenerys:** I like it, endorphins Clarke

 **LGBTemison:** right ur insane

 **gayenerys:** maybe ur insane for not running?

 **LGBTemison:** I 100% guarantee you that only crazy people run for fun.

Lexa felt a smile break out on her face as she flipped through a few channels on her screen. She took a moment to find something that doesn’t make her want to rip her own eyes out before replying back.

 **gayenerys:** so what do you do for fun?

 **LGBTemison:** I paint like a normal person

 **gayenerys:** pretty sure being able to paint isn’t a normal talent

 **LGBTemsion:** how so?

 **gayenerys:** Normal people don’t have talent ;)

 **LGBTemison:** my paintings aren’t always good

 **gayenerys:** I’m sure they’re great.

Lexa had every intention of staying on her couch after the fiasco of a morning she had but leave it Anya to come barreling in her house at around 1 in the afternoon, shouting about the snacks Lexa makes her bring over because she doesn’t keep anything unhealthy in her house. Which isn’t true, sometimes Lexa thinks she eats like a teenage boy.

She’s actually giggling at something Clarke says when Anya finds her way into the living room and plops in the seat beside her, placing the bags of snacks on the coffee table in front of them. “I’m feeding you and you don’t even have the respect to say hi when I come in.” Anya is giving her that Anya look, as if Lexa has highly offended her but Lexa isn’t offering her the proper amount of attention to really notice it.

She doesn’t even bother responding until after she’s sent off another message. “I see you every day.” Lexa offers up with a slight tilt of her eyebrow. There’s a smirk still stapled to her face that hasn’t fallen off since she started talking to Clarke, but that’s just another fact she’ll choose to ignore.

“What are you giggling about?” Anya leans over to try and see her phone but Lexa clicks the power button so the screen plunges into blackness and she rests it protectively against her chest.

“It’s not nice to peep at people’s private objects.” With her free hand the brunette pushes at her friend’s head so she backs up and adjusts herself to sit up on the couch, trying hard not to cackle at the look of pure offense on Anya’s face.

“Privates obje- you know what Lexa, you’re weird.” She snaps like she’s never called Lexa weird before and the brunette struggles not to let her laugh out. Anya reaches into a paper bag and pulls out Lexa’s favorite chips but when she moves to hand them to her Lexa doesn’t notice, her attention and gaze caught back on her phone, a small smile on her face as she reads over the message Clarke had just sent her.

Lexa spends the next two weeks of her summer spending most of her time on her phone, getting to know Clarke, talking to Clarke and tweeting her. Her attention is stolen and many times Anya is slapping her head or her mother has to say her name one too many times until she notices her. It’s begun to be a problem, but Lexa chooses to ignore that fact.

She’s reprimanded plenty of times but she doesn’t really mind. The more she talks to Clarke the more she wants to talk to Clarke, the more interesting she is, the more curious Lexa is about her, the more questions she wants the answers too, the more time she wants to spend right there in conversation with her. It’s another thought that Lexa forgets to think about when she’s staying up entirely too late with her eyes glued to the screen as she waits on a new reply.

She grows more used to their followers tweeting them about how they find them cute and saying they should date. It’s apparently just a thing at this point. It’s a little weird but she finds she cares less about it the more her and Clarke talk, the closer they get.

By the end of the two weeks their direct messaging is filled with conversations. Lexa knows Clarke favorite food, favorite thing to do, her favorite color, her favorite movies. Lexa knows that Clarke hates drinking soda without ice and loves colorful pictures. She knows Clarke loves to paint but she doesn’t like to paint certain things and that she really isn’t much of a morning person.

By the end of the last two weeks of Lexa’s summer she knows things about Clarke she took weeks to learn about Anya when they had become friends and yet she still wants to know more and that thought should be something to give her pause because she doesn’t do this. She doesn’t make friends with people online, not really. She doesn’t even talk to Costia this much, nor does she ever reply this fast.

But she doesn’t think about that, in fact, the only thing she really thinks about by the time she’s falling asleep is Clarke, and what she might be dreaming about, and maybe she’ll ask her that when she wakes up because getting Clarke off her mind is something that she wasn’t expecting to be a struggle.

 

***

 

Clarke had a million things she should be doing but she wasn't doing any of it. Instead she was sat on her bed laughing at something Lexa had said. Biting her lip, she typed out a response. This is how it's been for the last few days now, both girls talking back and forth in their spare time. Well in Clarke's instance it was just about every moment she had spare or not. There was just something about talking to Lexa that made Clarke feel lighter and happier.

Normally the blonde would be stressing over heading back to school right about now but instead that's the farthest from her mind.  School started in the next few days, Clarke really should be stressing over her classes, college apps, and all the homework she's going to have being a senior. But no, all that seemed to be on the artist mind was the girl on the other side of the phone talking about a photo she was able to capture today. 

She could probably listen to Lexa talk about her photography all day. The way the photographer talked so passionately about her photos brought a smile to Clarke’s face. She could relate on how a simple task could bring so much joy. 

 **LGBTemison** : where do you live? 

 **gayenerys** : Uh...That's a random question. 

 **LGBTemison** : is it? I mean we've been talking and I realized idk if you live in America or Guam something?!? 

 **gayenerys** : If I lived in Guam it would be like 1am right now. 

 **LGBTemison** : so you're saying you don't live in Guam??

 **gayenerys** : No I don't live in Guam Clarke. Actually I don't know where you live either for that fact so why should I tell you where I live?

 **LGBTemison** : easy Seattle 

 **gayenerys** : LMAO wait you live in Washington? 

 **LGBTemison** : well that's where Seattle is located yes. Why is that so funny? 

 **gayenerys** : It's not...I mean it is but it's only funny cos I live in Washington too 

 **LGBTemison** : WHAT? YOU LIVE IN SEATTLE TOO?

 **gayenerys** : Washington....D.C.  Or rather a small place named Polis. 

 **LGBTemison** : what...Lexa god damn it that's on the other side of the country. 

The conversation went on from there, the duo talking about anything and everything. 

Sometime around midnight Clarke passed out, phone in hand with Lexa’s direct message still open. For the other girl living in D.C. She seemed to stay up rather late considering it was almost 3am in Washington DC. 

This went on for the next few days.

Morning: direct message Lexa good morning. 

Afternoon: direct message Lexa about her day. 

Evening: direct message Lexa till one of them falls asleep. 

Do it all over the next day. 

Although a few days later that routine changed, it was the first day of senior year for Clarke at Arkadia High. She thought she was prepared, it should have been just like all the other three years of high school Clarke had went through.

It wasn't. 

Clarke only made it to her third class of the day before she had to escape to the bathroom. She couldn’t even make it half a day, she felt pathetic.  Her chest felt tight and heavy, her breaths came out short and hard. 

She quickly locked herself inside a stall, thankful that it was empty, and slid down to the floor. Closing her eyes she tried to calm down but her body wasn't on her side that day and she had no such luck with stopping the anxiety attack that was taking over her. 

She didn't really have many close friends she could even ask for help. Sure she had friends in her classes but they really aren't people she’d go to when she’s locked in a bathroom stall trying not to cry. 

There was Murphy but even with how close they were, he was never really able to help her. Not for lack of trying however, Murphy was more of a friend she went to if she needed tough love, not someone she had heart to hearts with. She loved her friend but right now wasn’t the time to text him for help. Besides she didn’t want to interrupt his first day back at school.

Clarke felt her phone vibrate from where it sat in her back pocket, sliding it out she tried to focus on the screen long enough to read the notification.  Wiping her tears away with the back of her free hand she swiped the notification to the side opening a direct message from Lexa. 

 **gayenerys** : how's your first day of school going? 

Clarke's shaky hands made an effort to type back to Lexa but it was proving to be quite a hard task. 

 **LGBTemison** : I wOUlDnt kmow I'm lOcked in a BAthroOm stall. 

 **gayenerys** : Why are you locked in a bathroom stall?  Are you okay? 

Clarke took a deep breathe, or tried to rather. She really tried to focus on stopping her shaking hands. It should have made her smile or feel good that Lexa seemed to be so concerned about her but right now all her energy was focused on breathing.  

 **LGBTemison** : I am having a panic attack lol 

 **gayenerys** : Are you okay? Take deep breathes, hold your breath then let out air slowly. Don't answer back just focus on your breathing. 

 _Breathe in. Count to ten. Exhale. Repeat_.

Clarke repeated the actions over and over before she begun to feel her chest ease up, air filling her lungs easier the more she calmed down. Leaning her head back against the stall wall, she waited a few more minutes before she was able to reply to Lexa. 

 **LGBTemison** : thank you. I feel a little better now. Sorry for just throwing that on you. 

 **gayenerys** : No, don't be sorry. It’s okay. I'm glad you're feeling better tho. Do you wanna talk about it? 

Clarke bit her lip; she normally wasn't one to just shout out her problems. She was a more suffer alone till it got to be too much type but something about Lexa asking made Clarke want to tell her everything. 

 **LGBTemison** : ... I'm just...schools really overwhelming and it's only the first day. There's all these deadlines we already have to meet for college apps, papers to write, and I honestly just want to sit at home and paint. 

 **LGBTemison** : damn it I'm sorry. We've only known each other for a short while and I'm already throwing all my emotional baggage on you. 

Clarke laid her head back against the stall squeezing her eyes shut. The last thing she wanted to do was to word vomit everything she was feeling. Especially to someone she's only really starting to get to know.  

She opened her eyes to look down at her phone, seeing no new messages or even an indication that Lexa was writing a message back. 

"Great, way to go Clarke you probably scared her away" the blonde mumbled to herself. 

 

***

 

The moment Lexa pops out of her last class of the day she’s opening up the twitter application again, her eyes focused on her phone as she dodges past and in-between different amounts of teenagers. They always love to stop in the middle of the hallway to talk to each other rather than going to the side and if Lexa were braver she’d bump into them and tell them to get out of the way, but she’s never had much courage for confrontation.

She reads over Clarke’s messages and feels her heart tug in her chest lightly at the thought of Clarke being scared and alone in a bathroom stall with nobody there to help her or comfort her. Lexa can only do so much on the other side of the country.

 **gayenerys:** don’t apologize; you can throw your emotional baggage on me whenever you need to. I know how stressful it can be, sometimes you just need someone to talk to and I’m good for that.

She sends it off just as she stops at her locker. She hopes that it’s at least a little bit comforting, to at least know someone will listen to her when she needs it. She supposes that this is the first real moment that she might be seeing more of Clarke than just the outside of her and the basic that it takes to get to know someone.

She’s at least grateful that Clarke had seemed to trust her with some of the information. “You never look at anything else Lexa.” Anya complains as she collapses against the lockers beside Lexa’s. She clicks her phone shut and spins her combination in as she rolls her eyes at Anya yet again, a common occurrence.

“Do you want a milkshake?” She asks sweetly as she pulls her locker door open.

“Yes Lexa, yes I do. I hate it here.” The brunette chuckles and places the new textbook she checked out into the storage compartment, slamming it shut afterwards. “The first day and we’re already getting nagged about college, and to think I want to go to law school and make my suffering worse?” Anya huffs heavily beside her and lets her head collapse against the locker doors she’s leaning against.

“You figured out which university you want yet?” Lexa spins the lock a few times and tugs it to check to make sure it’s completely locked before she offers Anya her gaze.

“No. It’s the first day, I’d rather not think about it right now.” Anya pushes off the lockers as Lexa turns around to start heading toward the door. “I’ll put your bike in the trunk.”

She doesn’t reply to her friend as her phone buzzes in her hand and she pulls her attention to it quickly.

 **LGBTemison:** I don’t understand why they have to put so much pressure on everyone; it’s the first day of school.

 **gayenerys:** They think it’s their job.

 **LGBTemison:** thanks Lexa, again I’m sorry.

 **gayenerys:** stop apologizing, it’s not any trouble.

 **LGBTemison:** okay, okay I’m sorry.

 **LGBTemison:** oh shoot… I said I’m sorry again, sorry

 **LGBTemison:** wait, damn it.

Lexa feels a giggle bubble up in her chest and escape her before she can stop it. Anya just side eyes her, perfectly used to this by now and grabs Lexa’s bike for her to lead it to her car.

 **gayenerys:** don’t worry, your adorable.

Lexa blushes when she realizes what she’s sent and exits out of the application as if that will help make the message disappear completely before Clarke is able to see it. But she knows that’s not the case, it’s out there now, that message sits in Clarke’s inbox and she can’t take it back. She’s just have to go with it.

“What are you as red as a tomato about?” Anya eyes her again as she pops the trunk of her car.

“Nothing.” She says immediately, cheeks only going redder as she thinks of all the possible responses to that message.

“Do you have an online girlfriend? Because Lexa those are dangerous.”

“Anya oh my god, no.” Suddenly exaggerate, Lexa pushes a hand through her hair, brushing the strands of it back just so they can fall easily back around her shoulders anyways.

“Like I know it’s hard to find someone to date and you’re the least social person I know, but I think you can find someone not online.” Anya rolls her eyes at her friend but with a teasing grin that Lexa doesn’t much notice as her heart picks up in pace and she runs her hand back through her hair again.

“Anya, stop.” Lexa laughs and shakes her head as she plops into the passenger seat of Anya’s car, the girl following suit after she’s stuffed Lexa’s bike into her spacious trunk.

Lexa’s just beginning to panic and regret the message when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket, but as Anya is backing out of her parking space she scums to the curiosity of what it might say and pulls the application back open to see Clarke’s reply, her heart picking up in pace for different reasons and she’s not completely sure why.

 **LGBTemison:** thanks, cutie (;

 

Lexa pulls her bike into its hidden corner and locks it up, making her way up the steps into her house. Her mother normally gets home late on Mondays, but Lexa feels a sigh of disappointment when she notices a note that tells her she might not be home at all tonight an tosses it away.

She itches to check her phone but she knows there won’t be a message there from Clarke since she hadn’t replied to her last one, mostly because she doesn’t know how. This is a time that she wishes she wasn’t so bad at talking to people.

She pushes the thoughts back once again, grabs and apple and makes her way to her room. First day and she’s got some homework and some papers to sign for the year so she gets to that, trying hard to push out the thoughts of Clarke that naggingly linger at the forefront of her brain. It’s only gotten worse with time and she wonders what it means, but always stomps on the question before she can think too much about it.

It’s a lot later when Lexa sets her homework aside to grab her phone, snatching it up and typing in the passcode quickly. Her thoughts of Clarke are too consistent to ignore causing her to open up the twitter application and making the wait for it to load up a little annoying. She dodges her notifications and goes for the direct message folder in the corner.

She taps on Clarke’s name and begins to type.

 **gayenerys:** I understand the anxiety.

 **LGBTemison:** what do you mean?

 **gayenerys:** I mean like… I have problems with it too. That’s all. I know I told you this earlier, but I really mean it when I say you can come to me if you need to. I actually understand it really well.

 **LGBTemison:** im sorry you know what it feels like too.

 **LGBTemison:** you know, you can come to me too.

 **gayenerys:** anxiety buddies?

 **LGBTemison:** LOL yeah, sure, anxiety buddies. (;

Lexa smiles widely and starts a new conversation with Clarke, something lighter that carries on through the rest of the night until Lexa falls asleep with her phone beside her face on the pillow beside her, still open with Clarke still on her mind as she drifts off.

That’s the first night she dreams of her.

 

***

 

It was a week later when a crisis fell upon Clarke once again. 

 **LGBTemison** : jskajdg only a week into school and they already want me to draw a portrait of someone?¿

 **badasstark** : and why is that an issue? Don't you like to draw?

 **LGBTemison** : it's an issue cos I have to draw a friend but my friend is busy

 **spacehastings** : just draw anyone and say it's a friend? 

 **gayenerys** : You just have to draw a friend right? Do they have to be there in person?

 **LGBTemison** : Raven I'm not drawing a random person I see that's weird and Lexa yes to the friend thing and no to them being here. 

 **gayenerys** : Well...I'm free? I wouldn't mind helping out. 

 **badasstark** : ofc Lexa would volunteer 

 **spacehastings** : Lexa stepping up her flirting game 

 **LGBTemison** : would you two shut up. Thank you Lexa, just a photo of your face would be much appreciated (: 

It didn't take long for Clarke to get a notification of a new direct message from Lexa. She switched over to the message and was greeted with vibrant green eyes. 

 **gayenerys** : Is that alright? I didn't know exactly what you needed. 

Clarke found herself shaking her head; there was nothing just alright with that photo. In fact it screamed beautiful, captivating, mesmerizing. It was a simple photo of her, the curly haired brunette, nothing more than just her looking into the camera with a small smirk. 

She swore Lexa's face was hand made by gods. God himself had to of sculpted the brunette’s face. She briefly wondered if Lexa had taken it right now or if it was one she had taken before and had on her phone. 

 **LGBTemison** : Wow your face is amazing. 

Before Clarke could stop herself the words were out there. 

 **LGBTemison** : I mean that's perfect! Thanks for saving my ass cutie. 

Saving the photo of Lexa, Clarke sits down at her desk pushed against the wall in her room. Grabbing her sketch book, she stared at the photograph for a minute to get a feel of how she wanted to draw the beautiful face staring back at her. 

An hour later, the artist was ripping yet another sheet of paper out of the sketch pad, groaning out in frustration. No matter what she did she couldn't seem to get Lexa's eyes right, or her jaw, or any of her honestly. No matter how she drew it, it never seemed to capture just how beautiful the girl was. 

 **LGBTemison** : your face is incredibly hard to draw do you know that? 

It was almost instant that those three little bubbles next to an icon of Daenerys showed up. 

 **gayenerys** : I was not aware but may I ask why?

 **LGBTemison** : because your face is handcrafted by gods Lexa 

Clarke stared back at the photograph of Lexa, almost as if it was taunting her. She could do this, she's drawn people before. It shouldn't be this hard but for some reason this drawing seemed way more important than all the others. Taking a deep breathe, she brought the pencil back to the pad. 

Paying attention to every line and curve she drew, she managed to finish in another two hours. Dropping the pencil, she sat back looking at her work. Clarke wasn't completely satisfied with it but she had to admit it was one of her best portraits she's ever drawn. 

Snapping a picture on her phone of what she had drawn, Clarke decided maybe she would tweet it out. Get the opinions of her followers.  Going on to the Twitter application, she hit the icon for a new tweet:

**_@LGBTemison:_ ** _Drawing I just finished. Any thoughts on it? ps anyone recognize this cutie (:_

It was only a matter of minutes before the tweets started rolling in. 

_AMAZING you’re so talented Clarke!_

_Omg that’s Lexa!_

_Clexa is rising_

_Girlfriends who draw each other stay together._

Clarke stared back at her phone screen confused; what the hell is a Clexa? Once again people were obsessing over her and Lexa and she didn’t understand why. She hadn’t seen any of her other followers ever do that to other people that were friends with each other. Hell they don’t do that to Raven and her and they've been friends for a while. 

 **LGBTemison** : wtf is a clexa?!?

 **spacehastings** : You and Lexa

 **LGBTemison** : What?

 **badasstark** : you really don’t know your own ship name? 

 **gayenerys** : Ship name? 

 **gayenerys:** Why would we need a ship name?

 **spacehastings** : You two are the biggest idiots alive. 

Clarke rolled her eyes; Raven and Octavia are the least helpful people on this planet. Why did she and Lexa have a ship name? Wasn’t that for people in relationships hence the name? Once again she was faced with the uncertainly about why people shipped her and the brunette.

Sure they tweet each other and talk quite a lot but isn’t that what friends do? Wasn’t Twitter made for talking with people and interacting with them? She wondered if Lexa was just as confused as her. She seemed to be by her answer in the group chat. But she didn’t know if she should bring it up to her or not, it was kind of weird to bring it up.  _“Hey, so people ship us and have given us a ship name. How do you feel about that?”_  Yeah, that wasn’t something you brought up to your friend in a normal daily conversation. 

Feeling a headache coming on Clarke decided that she would just avoid her timeline and Lexa all together for the rest of the night.

 

***

 

Lexa feels her face flushing red before she can stop it, pressing one hand to her cheek as her eyes examine the art in front of her. It’s a sketch, it’s not even finished, but it’s beautiful. Lexa has never seen herself drawn before and she never thought she’d care to, or would even like it, but Clarke… _Clarke is so talented_.

It’s her, but it’s… how Clarke sees her. It’s what Clarke sees when she looks at her picture and something about that just takes Lexa’s breath straight out of her lungs. She saves the drawing, reads through some of the comments about it before she goes back up, favorites it and quote tweets it.

**_@gayenerys:_ ** _This is incredible!? Clarke is literally perfect._

Not long after she finishes that she gets a response from a line of people she doesn’t really care about, gushing about her appreciation because apparently appreciating your friend’s art automatically means you should be girlfriends.

She rolls her eyes and clicks away from it, going back to her direct message folder and clicking on Clarke’s name.

 **gayenerys:** you really are so talented. I’m quite speechless.

She sends it off, waits a moment on Clarke’s reply but when it seems like it’s going to take longer than normal she clicks out of it. She clicks back on the drawing and stares at it for an extra-long moment. She examines the smudges and light eraser marks and added details. She stares at it until she’s sure a picture of it is stuck in her head and a piece of her wishes, for only a moment, that she had been there why Clarke drew it, so maybe she could have captured the concentration on her face while she did it.

She wonders what Clarke’s face looks like when she’s trying to concentrate.

“Is that your face?” Lexa jumps a moment, being abruptly pulled from her thoughts, but relaxes and lets her eyes glance at Lincoln before she looks back at the drawing.

“Yeah, someone drew it.” She mutters quietly, her voice softening as she thinks about how long it had taken, about the crack Clarke made about her face being sculpted by gods so it was hard to draw and her face reddened a bit more, again, she pressed her hand to her cheek as if that would help cool it down and make the blush disappear.

“That’s really good,” Lincoln leans over her to get a closer look at it and she automatically feels herself move slightly away from him. He’s far too close for her liking; she’s not big on close contact.

“It is.” She agrees and he just stands there for a moment, bent over, staring at the image and Lexa silently waits for him to move farther way from her, holding her breath. Eventually he does, standing back up straight and heading back over to his place on the carpet where Anya sits with books open as they study for the test on Friday.

She lets out her breath and goes back to looking at her notifications but feels a tick of disappointment when none of them are from Clarke.

“Lexa, just because you’re in AP Literature doesn’t mean you don’t have anything to study for. In fact, I’m pretty sure you have more to study for.” Anya sasses her playfully as she glances up from her books.

Lexa just waves her hand at her. “Shut up.” She huffs and she pulls herself from the couch and makes her way over to them, plopping on the floor close to Anya and watching them go through their notes and textbooks. She had finished her homework already and had prepped notes for her own tests. She didn’t really have the need to study. She got it done early so that she’d have free time to talk to Clarke. Another fact she’ll ignore.

Her phone buzzes and she checks it but huffs disappointedly when it’s only Raven commenting on her comment to tease her and Clarke some more. She slips into the group-chat to check and see if Clarke is maybe caught up in the conversation there but she doesn’t seem to be there either.

 **badasstark:** Lexa I have to ask you a serious question.

 **gayenerys:** I don’t like questions.

 **badasstark:** okay, Clarke has to ask u a serious question.

 **spacehastings:** u cant just use Clarke’s name to get whatever u want

 **gayenerys:** where did Clarke go?

 **badasstark:** she was probably so stunned by your face and her drawing that she died.

 **spacehastings:** okay, that’s a bit dramatic O

 **gayenerys:** it is

 **badasstark:** back to my serious question, lexa do you play any other sports beside soccer?

 **gayenerys:** how do u know I play soccer?

 **badasstark:** uve tweeted about it dumbass, it’s an important question.

 **gayenerys:** I do not, why?

 **badasstark:** too bad, I was hoping we could bond over track

 **spacehastings:** she’s just jealous you like Clarke more than us.

 **gayenerys:** Clarke is pretty

 **spacehastings:** that’s gay Lexa.

 **badasstark:** I am pretty as well!!!

Lexa feels a light chuckle leave her at that and move to reply, but hesitates as Anya peeks over her shoulder. “Are you talking to your girlfriend again?” She asks teasingly into her ear and Lexa pushes her back with a scoff.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” She protests harshly. This catches Lincoln’s attention, who drops his pencil to focus on the conversation suddenly unraveling in front of him.

“My lack of attention from you proves you wrong.” Anya teases further with a widening innocent grin that Lexa yet again scoffs at.

“Lexa has a girlfriend?” Lincoln finally asks.

Lexa huffs and crosses her arms along her chest. “No.”

Anya immediately interrupts her. “Yes, she’s online.”

“Those are dangerous.” Lincoln says with fake concern as he meets Lexa’s eyes, a touch of grin at the corner of his lips as she glares at him.

“That’s what I said.” Anya agrees with him with a nod of her head.

“I don’t have a girlfriend! And she’s not dangerous.” She exclaims, an exasperated hand making its way through her hair, pushing it back for it to only yet again, fall back into place.

“Ah but a girl is involved.” Lincoln says it like he’s catching her in a lie and she feels a blush touch her cheeks before she can stop it.

“Of course it’s a girl, she’s blonde, it’s the blonde one right?” Anya grins at her.

“Ah, Lexa does like blondes.” Lincoln tacks on.

“How do you know that?” She snaps, pulling her knees to her chest as if it will help protect her from the onslaught of her friends.

“He’s known you since eighth grade squirt.” Anya pats her head and Lexa immediately snaps her hand away, the touch feeling unwelcome and unwanted.

“Don’t call me squirt.” She grumbles unhappily as she glares at a spot across the room.

“What’s her name?”

“It’s Clarke right, the blonde of the picture you showed me, she’s pretty Lincoln.”

“I hate you both.” Lexa huffs and pulls herself from the floor, making her way across her bedroom and swiping up her camera. The small tick on her brain that screams get away from them going off loudly in her own head as she places the strap over her head and around her neck and holds the camera protectively to her body.

“No you don’t. Where are you going?” Anya stands up too but Lexa doesn’t notice much, more focused on leaving the room.

“I’m going away from you.”

“Lexa we were just kidding.” Lincoln tries but Lexa makes her way out of the room, not bothering much to listen to him. She makes her way quickly down the stairs, realizing she’s left her phone behind this time and isn’t quite in the mood to get it back. Instead she makes her way out of the house, grabbing her bike and taking off down the street, passing familiar buildings until she turns onto a clearing that leads up to her favorite spot.

When she gets there she makes her way around the older building to the back, where she climbs up the latter until she makes it to the top. The gravel at the top crunches under her shoes as she makes her way to the edge on the other side, sitting along it and pulling her camera up to her face so that she can adjust it and capture the way the city looks at night. She can nearly see the whole thing from up here and it always helps her think.

She snaps a few as her heart begins to pick up aggressively in her chest and she is forced to think about why, why it does that when she thinks about her… and she’s always thinking about her. It’s not that it means anything, maybe it means nothing, but the fact of the matter is, it doesn’t feel like nothing and that’s just something she doesn’t get.

She hasn’t known her that long, so why does she think about her so much?

She pulls her legs from over the edge and stands on the ledge, walking along it to another spot. She stays standing as she pulls her camera back to her face and adjust just right to take another picture. She’s taken a thousand here but she comes back every time. Almost as if this shot is missing something.

Maybe it’s missing somebody.

But that’s a thought that Lexa pushes out of her mind yet again because if she thinks about it too much, she thinks maybe it would be nice for Clarke to be in this shot, just one picture that she could capture of her, but it’s silly, it’s a pointless thought. She’ll never know Clarke beyond her twitter username, and like all the other friends she’s ever made online, she will eventually fade away from her and forget about her, everyone does.

On this night, that thought turns Lexa stomach unpleasantly, and she can’t help but think before she can stop it that she actually really doesn’t want that to happen. Maybe she hasn’t known Clarke that long, but it’s long enough to not want her to go anywhere.

She’s gotten used to friends floating in and out of her life, getting to know her to leave her behind and let her go. Everyone does it, people grow out of each other and she’s never been the easiest person to want to keep around.

She’d really like Clarke to be a friend that stays.

 

 

It is midnight when she makes it back home. Anya is asleep in the guest room when she checks and Lincoln is gone. She pushes the door to her room open and puts her camera away securely, planning on going over her photos the next morning and maybe posting a few.

She picks up her phone from the floor where it lies alone, surrounded by the carpet and a note beside it that has her name on it. She picks it up, opens it and chuckles at the little stick figure doodles of Lincoln and Anya apologizing to her. It’s nothing compared to Clarke’s drawing but it still makes her heart squeeze in appreciation for a moment.

She sets it aside and picks up her phone, the battery running low as she check over a few notifications. She manages to roll her eyes as she sees something Raven had posted:

**_@spacehastings:_ ** _Some clexa news for you guys with a side of Octavia being jealous_

And under it is a screenshot of their chat conversation with Lexa calling Clarke pretty. She’s almost expecting to wake up soon to Raven running a news account about them and she can’t help but laugh at that thought because how ridiculous would that be.

She plugs her phone in and goes about her routine, getting ready for bed. Change of clothes, brush her teeth, and takes her make-up off. Once she’s done, she falls into her bed with a heavy sigh and stares at the ceiling for a long time. Sleep seems to be away from her on this particular night and out of habit, she grabs her phone to accompany her.

But when she opens it she finds herself clicking on Clarke’s name again, almost subconsciously and then she scrolls through their chat, all the way through it up until the first message, and then back down again, glancing through it as if it’s a book to be read. She doesn’t know why she’s doing it. She clicks on Clarke’s icon and goes to her page, she scrolls through that for a while too, looks at her likes until she feels tired.

She doesn’t know why she’s doing it but she does. She clicks on Clarke name in her direct message folder again and hovers over the “start a message” line for what feels like minutes as her mind thinks of many things she could say, maybe even wants to say.

She isn’t completely sure what those thoughts are, maybe how she’s confused about the attention, maybe about how she likes talking to her, maybe about how much she’d really like to photograph her on-top of her favorite building. Or maybe it’s deeper than that, maybe about how she’s scared she’ll become too boring for her, maybe how she’d like to ask her to stay her friend even though they haven’t been friends that long.

She doesn’t say any of that.

Instead, she types something else completely.

 **gayenerys:** I’m glad we met.

Afterwards she clicks out of the application and sets her phone aside, rolling over in her bed and letting her eyes fall shut as she begs sleep to finally take her. A flash of images of photos of Clarke behind her eyelids, she can’t get her off her mind. She is the subject of her thoughts and when Lexa finally does fall asleep, it’s the second night that she dreams of her.


	4. chapter four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another :D

Clarke never thought her life would come to this, never thought she would be so addicted to talking to some girl on the Internet, hanging on her every word. But here she was, sat on the couch in her living room while some program played on the TV in front of her. The blonde had sent Lexa a direct message about five minutes ago and the brunette had yet to reply but that didn't stop Clarke from refreshing her messages every few seconds. 

Lexa has been filling her mind every second of every day. She'd see a pretty sunset and she wished Lexa was there to experience it, thinking that perhaps the girl would have liked to photograph it. She goes to class and can't help getting distracted because she thinking about how Lexa is doing in her classes or if she was eating lunch then. It was getting out of control but Clarke didn't make an effort to stop it. She couldn’t even if she tried so what was the point?

Talking to Lexa made Clarke feel like her stomach was flipping, like at any moment she could plummet down an invisible mountain but she was safe. Talking to Lexa was like when you stand on a high ledge and you look over, your stomach races to your throat. It's the most freighting but amazing feeling ever. 

At some point Clarke moved to sit out on her deck in the backyard of her house. It was always a peaceful place. The breeze off the lake was cool against her skin. Both of her parents were at work, they would be for a few more hours, so she had some time to herself. She dipped her toes in the warm water below her watching as it ripples around. School had remained to be stressful but she was handling it well enough. She was able to keep caught up on her homework fairly well. They were only in the first eight weeks of school still though so really Clarke wasn’t holding her breath.

The blonde’s phone vibrated against the wooden deck, she glanced down to see what the commotion was about. Not surprised, it was a direct message from the group chat. Lexa and Octavia had been going back and forth about something to do with sports and fitness. Not really up Clarke's alley, she opted to stay out of the conversation. She also didn't feel very talkative today, far too caught up in her own thoughts. 

Sighing, the artist laid back against the deck closing her eyes feeling the sunshine warm her face.  She's never felt like this before. She’s never experienced these types of... emotions towards a person before. She thinks it's a good feeling but it's also scary as hell. She desperately tried to find a word to describe how she felt but she couldn't. The only word that came to mind was falling. Because that's exactly what it was. She was falling for Lexa.  

It didn’t take long for her phone to ring, she knew it would it was Friday night after all. She picked it up sliding the answer key to the right. 

“Hey Murph” The blonde answered into the phone sitting back up from her laying position. 

“Griff party tonight you in?” The voice on the other side of the phone asked. 

Clarke knew she should stay in and work on her drawing that was due next week but with all the thoughts in her head she needed to go out and have some fun. 

“Yeah, what time?” She asked, standing up and proceeding to walk inside the house. 

“I’ll pick you up at nine” Murphy answered. 

Pulling the phone from her ear to check the time she saw it was only 7pm. She has plenty of time to shower and get dressed. “Sounds good see ya Murphy” Ending the call she walked into her room closing the door with her foot. 

Standing in front of her closet she flipped through her clothing choices. Figuring it was just going to be another bonfire (even though it was the beginning of fall, what sense did that make?) she opted for shorts and a cute tank top. She pulled the items out of her closet and tossed them onto her desk, knocking off half her homework in the process. 

Walking back over to her bed, she grabbed her charger plugged into the wall and plugged in her phone. She sat down on her bed, opening up the Twitter app. By passing her direct messages she went straight from a new tweet:

**_@LGBTemison:_ ** _Been feeling really weird lately. Nothing a good party and alcohol can't fix thought (;_

She locked her phone and tossed it on her nightstand, heading towards the shower.

 

***

 

“You seem grumpy.” Anya hopped up onto the counter as Lexa flipped the page of the book she wasn’t supposed to be reading while she worked. The place was dead, as it normally was on Friday afternoons and her boss was pretty lax… sometimes.

“Get off the counter,” Lexa grumbles with her eyes focused on the words, rather than on her friend. She knew as soon as Anya entered the store that she wouldn’t be getting anymore reading done, but she for some reason, always tried.

“Definitely grumpy.” Anya kicks her legs out and side eyed her friend. “Is it your girlfriend?” Lexa can see the beginning of her smirk from the corner of her eye on her friend’s face and the automatic huff that releases from her chest is sign enough that she’s not in the mood to be teased about this. Not to mention Clarke hasn’t answered her last message, so she’s still waiting on that.

“I don’t have a girlfriend.” Lexa snaps the book shut and stands up straighter to look at Anya. “Get off the counter; you know if my boss sees she’s going to lecture me again.” She pushes at Anya’s shoulders until she’s hops down from the counter with a chuckle. Her boss hates Anya with a passion, one that Anya takes full advantage off. The only time Lexa’s boss has ever yelled at her has been when it’s comes to Anya. It’s not exactly understandable but Anya finds it extremely amusing.

“Come on, you’re off in thirty minutes. Talk to me about your girl trouble.” Anya pushes her eyebrows up and down as she adjusts her position opposite of Lexa on the other side of the counter.

“I don’t have any girl trouble Anya.” Lexa rolls her eyes. “I’m working.” She knows that’s not going to get the girl off her back, nothing will when Anya wants her to talk about something, but she can put off the conversation as long as possible.

“There’s one other person here besides you,” Anya puts both her hands to each side of her and looks around. “Me.” She clarifies as if Lexa herself cannot see how completely empty the store is.

She again, rolls her eyes. “So buy something or leave?”

“You’re being rude this afternoon.” Anya is smirking at her again and leaning against the counter with her arms folding along each other across the surface.

Lexa knows she’s not getting rid of her. “I am not, your being annoying.”

“I haven’t seen you on your phone much today.” She presses further and Lexa manages a glare at her.

“You really want to talk about this?”

Anya just stares at her a moment, they stare at each other, as if it’s a challenge. The taller girl squints, as if she’s studying Lexa’s will power and then she releases the heaviest sigh she can possibly make. “Come on Lex, I always have to shake your shoulders to get you to talk about stuff that bothers you, just this once make it easy?”

Lexa lets out a heavy sigh. “I don’t even know if I like her like that.”

“But you might?” Anya rests her elbows against the counter and props her chin up in her palm as she stares at her best friend, ready to listen.

“I don’t know.” Lexa looks down at the book she had flipped shut and plays with the edge of it. “She’s pretty and nice but… she lives faraway, so it doesn’t matter anyway.” The brunette shrugs her shoulders and continues to stare down at her book, hoping the topic will fall off before she has to talk anymore about it.

But it’s Anya and she never gets that lucky when it’s Anya. “It does too matter.” Anya touches Lexa’s hand lightly after a thoughtful moment and the brunette meets her friend’s eye line again. “Tell me about her please?” She mumbles quietly, sincerely, and Lexa feels her heart tug softly in her chest.

“Okay.” Lexa lets out a quiet huff and picks at the pages of her book again as she softly explains Clarke to Anya in the best way she can and how she’s been feeling about her. She fumbles through it, never having been best about voicing her feelings but she manages it to her best friend.

 

 

She scrolls through her twitter feed while she cooks dinner. The day had been slow, long and slow and she hasn’t spoken to Clarke much throughout it so that’s something that’s bothered her a little. She thinks it’s kind of ridiculous that it does but she’s nearly accepted by now that she prefers talking to her as much as she can.

 Normally she’d just message her, but examining Clarke’s earlier tweet she had decided against it, not wanting to bother her while she tries to figure out whatever she’s apparently feeling. Lexa wonders what it is, she wonders if she’s okay. She wonders if it would just be better to message her and find out. Maybe she could use an ear? No, she would message Lexa about it if she wanted to talk about it… right?

She can’t help the slight concern for her, sitting on her chest as she thinks of all the things that could be wrong. It’s silly, she should just message her. But the last thing she wants to do is overstep.

Lexa pulls her phone from her back pocket and opens it, clicking on the twitter app and letting it load up, she opens her direct message folder with Clarke and stares at the last messages there before she clicks on the line, but before she types anything she clicks the powers button again, pushing a stressful hand through her hair slowly and letting the strands brush back into place.

She doesn’t want to bother her. But she does want to know how she is. They’re friends now, it should be okay for her to ask, and the worst thing that could happen is Clarke tells her to go away or leaves her unkindly on read. That’s the worst thing and if that happens she can just apologize and deal with it. Most likely that’s not going to happen, most likely Clarke would either tell her she wants to be left alone or she will message her later when she’s feeling better. It’s not going to hurt to ask her how she is.

She unlocks her phone again and types into it, her heart picking up annoyingly in pace in much the same way it’s been doing quite often when it comes to the blonde girl on the other side of the messages.

She hits send while she lets out a heavy breath.

 

***

 

They'd been at the party for about two hours now, it was nothing more than cheap beer, high schoolers, and shitty music, but it was exactly what Clarke needed. She was well on her way to being drunk. She could feel the tension and thoughts leaving her body. Bringing the red plastic cups to her lips she took another gulp of the yellowish liquor finishing it. Walking over to the keg of beer that sat in the middle of the opened field they were in, she filled up her cup once more.

Suddenly, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Sliding it out, she looked down at her screen. Lexa’s username popped up indicating there was a new message waiting for her. Her stomach did a little flip causing her to feel sick for a moment. Swiping her finger across the screen to open the Twitter app, Lexa’s message popped up. 

**gayenerys** : Hey how are you?

**LGBTemison** : fab ha! Feeling pretty good. 

**LGBTemison:** Alcohol does that

**gayenerys** : :/ Do you have a safe way to get home?

A smile appeared on Clarke’s face at that question. Of course Lexa would ask that. Of course Lexa would be concerned.  Swaying slightly she tried to walk away from the majority of people. Biting her lip, she looked around for Murphy; spotting him within a group of guys she realized he was quite drunk as well. Clearly neither of them thought about how they'd get home but she was kind of too drunk to care at the moment.

**LGBTemison** : Nope, my friend is just as drunk as me lol

**gayenerys** : Clarke how are you gonna get home? 

**gayenerys:** Can you call someone for a ride?  Please be safe.

Clarke stared down at her phone; she suddenly didn’t feel like drinking anymore. It felt wrong, like she wasn’t supposed to be doing it. (She wasn’t since she was underage but that was beside the point). She stumbled over to a trash can tossing the contents of her cup in. 

**LGBTemison** :  You’re so nice to me. fuck lexa. 

Her head was spinning, not in the “I’ve just had too much to drink” way but in the “I’m feeling so many emotions and i don't know how to handle them all” way. Her throat was burning with words she wanted to say or maybe it was vomit. She wasn’t sure. What she was sure about, was the fact that Lexa made her feel good, made her feel wanted, and cared for.  She needed to tell her, she had to tell her. It was becoming too much to keep in, the alcohol blurring her mind. 

**LGBTemison** : god i like you so much. 

**LGBTemison** : so so much .  

**LGBTemison** : Fuck I've drank too much. don't hate me

She needed to sit down, her head was spinning. Falling to the ground she grabbed her head. She hadn’t been this drunk in a long time. Checking the time on her phone she saw it was past 12am, Lexa was up so late. Why was she up this late? 

**gayenerys** : Clarke no, I could never hate you. 

**gayenerys** : Let me buy you an Uber? 

**gayenerys:** I want to make sure you get home okay.

**LGBTemison** :  ur so nice and pretty. 

**LGBTemison:** I can’t type anymore dammit . 

Her mouth was so dry, she needed water but she knew there wouldn’t be any. Closing her eyes Clarke tried to get her head to stop spinning. She wanted to talk to Lexa but she couldn’t type anymore. She wasn't able to focus on what was being said or spelled. 

**LGBTemison** : number

**LGBTemison** : Phone number

**gayenerys** : 534-845-0763

Clarke quickly tapped on the number causing her phone to launch into a phone call. She was met with an angelic voice. “Clarke?” The voice said causing Clarke to suck in a breath of air. 

“Lexa” The blonde breathed out. 

“Hey” Lexa said softly. “Are you okay?” 

Clarke closed her eyes once again, savoring the sound of the voice on the phone. “Yeah... I’m just really fucking drunk cutie” She chuckled. 

She heard Lexa exhale softly, “Can I call an uber for you?” she asked again.

“Yeah” Clarke finally gave in, she knew she wouldn’t have a choice given the fact that she had no way home and she was too drunk to call her parents.  Giving Lexa her address, Clarke walked over to the parking lot leaning against a car and waited. Lexa although wouldn’t get off the phone till the other girl was safely in the Uber.

 

***

 

Lexa listens to her breathe for a moment instead of saying anything. Her mind conjuring up the best image it can of a tired drunk blonde in the backseat of a car, probably trying not to fall asleep on her way to her house. She can feel her heart racing and her hands beginning to shake and the uselessness she feels is irritating.

“You don’t have to stay on the phone Lexa.” She hears Clarke mumble through the static. Her voice a bit raspy but gentle and Lexa feels her face flush slightly listening to it, a reaction she doesn’t quite understand as she fiddles with her fluffy blanket and twists it up in her free hand.

“I’m not hanging up until I know you’re safe.” She mumbles truthfully, her voice soft and quite. Maybe it’s as tired as Clarke’s sounds, she is tired, but at the same time she’s wide awake, unable to sleep while she thinks about Clarke, still all alone and drunk and so far away from her. This is all she can do to help, she’s not about to hang up on that.

“You’re so cute.” Clarke giggles and Lexa’s lungs burn a moment as she struggles to take in a breath.

“Are you almost home?” She can feel her face burning up and is thankful Clarke can’t see her.

“Yeah, I’m getting out of the car.” She giggles and Lexa hears some shuffling and she sits up further in bed like that will help her see Clarke or help her walk to the door when it really doesn’t do much at all, her hand twists further in the blanket as her heart picks up in pace. She wishes she was there to take care of her.

“You should drink some water, how much water have you had?” Her voice is doing that unusually high thing it does when she gets worried and she tries hard to think thoroughly so that she can find some way to manage to keep it down.

“You’re bossy.” Clarke giggles cutely again and despite the worry Lexa feels, her heart flutters and a small smile attaches to her lips at the sound.

“I’m your friend.” She mumbles gently and it’s quite, she’s not even sure it’s audible at first.

“My very, very pretty friend.” Clarke says it in a voice that sounds different than the sleepy one in the car and Lexa’s hand shakes in her blanket, she twists the material further to try and get it to stop as her thoughts race before she can stop them.

“Are you inside Clarke?” She opts to focus on that instead of the fact that Clarke had just called her pretty and that fact has made the shaking in her hands worse and the speed of her heartbeat even faster than it had been before.

“I like the way you say my name.” The blonde on the other side of the line says instead of answering her question.

She feels her eyebrows knitting together. “Huh?”

“How do you say it like that? It sounds nice, say it again.” Lexa’s breath catches at the sound of her voice.

“Clarke?”

“Yeah.” Clarke giggles and she hears something crash that’s pretty loud. A shaky breath leaves her as she adjusts in her bed, but she can’t help her, she’s too far away from her.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

“Yes cutie, I’m great.” Clarke laughs. “I ran into the table, the plant is on the floor.” She sighs heavily and Lexa can imagine her, standing in her hallway, whatever her hallway looks like, staring down at a broken plant like it’s too much work to clean up. She itches to clean it for her, but she can’t.

“Do you think you can manage to get water?” Lexa’s voice has risen and octave again and she manages to roll her eyes at herself, hoping Clarke didn’t notice.

“Yes I can Lexa.” Her voice is warm, so warm and raspy in a way that Lexa hadn’t first been expecting. She thinks she could maybe listen to Clarke talk forever, even if she didn’t retain any of the information she may talk to her about.

After a moment, she pushes that fact out of her mind, as it’s one she doesn’t completely want to think about. “Okay, please do that.”

“Yes ma’am.” She giggles again and Lexa’s stomach flips at the sound. She wishes it would stop doing that.

She listens for the noise of the faucet as Clarke fills a cup of water, she hears her gulp it and she tells her to slow down and drink it slowly and Clarke listens and giggles and calls her cute a half a dozen times more and Lexa tries hard not to let it affect her, to detach herself from her thoughts for long enough to just focus on talking the blonde into her bed but she can’t manage to do it.

Whatever feelings she’s developing for Clarke she can’t seem to manage to escape… she isn’t completely sure she wants too. “I’ll stay on until you fall asleep.”

“Hmm, you’re too nice to me.” Her voice sounds so sleepy. Clarke wonders what she looks like right now. She wonders if she’s curled up in her bed at this point, with heavy eyelids or her eyes shut and a cute smile on her face.

She feels a sigh escape her at the image. “You deserve nice, Clarke.” She mumbles honestly and lets the blanket untwist from her hand.

“Seriously how do you say my name like that?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know so…I don’t know.” She huffs heavily and she hears Clarke shuffle in her bed. She listens to her intently as she breathes. Maybe she should talk but really she isn’t quite sure what to say. There’s a lot that has been said and she needs to process it, needs to think it through and her mind has already begun to do so rather than waiting until after Clarke was sound asleep and they had hung up.

The quiet had extended for a long time. She can hear Clarke’s heavy breath in her ear and she stays quiet for a moment, just trying to listen, as if she listens hard enough she’ll be able to actually see her. “Are you sleeping yet?”

“No.” She states simply.

“Okay.”

“Lexa, you don’t have to stay on the phone. I’m safe.” Clarke shuffles in her bed slightly, Lexa can hear her and her hand goes back to twisting up in the blanket.

“I’m just taking care of you the best way I can.” She admits softly.

“That’s so…” Clarke huffs in her ear and her hand twists more. “I like you too much.” She grumbles it, it’s quiet and jumbled like she didn’t even mean to say it out loud and Lexa’s heart leaps into her throat the same way it had earlier when she first read over words much similar to that.

“Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa’s voice shakes as she listens to Clarke sigh contentedly in her ear. She twists and untwists the blanket in her hand and waits on her reply, the blonde taking a bit to the point that Lexa thinks maybe she had fallen asleep before she was able to reply.

But just as Lexa is releasing the blanket from her grip and she’s lying back in her bed, Clarke’s warm voice travels through the speaker and sparks her adrenaline back up. A soft, “Goodnight Lexa.” Is whispered into her ear and Lexa’s heart continues to race. She thinks she won’t be able to sleep much for the rest of her night, already having trouble before, she knows this certainly isn’t going to help.

Getting Clarke off her mind is actually impossible.

 

***

 

Clarke woke up with a groan. Rolling over onto her stomach she buried her face in her arm. Her head was pounding and she was quickly reminded why she never usually got that drunk. On top of her head throbbing, her eyes were burning. No matter how hard she tried to keep the light out it was no use. That’s one thing Clarke hated but loved about her room.  She had a huge window next to her bed that let the morning sunshine radiate into her bedroom.

Sighing, she turned over onto her back.  She couldn’t remember much from the night before. She knew there had been too much alcohol that was apparent. Reaching over to her bedside table she grabbed her phone off her charger, amazed that she remembered to plug her phone in, in her drunken state.

Swiping the home screen open the blood from her face drained, staring back at her was Lexa’s name sitting there at the top of her call log. Suddenly everything hit her like a tidal wave. Her tweet, Lexa’s messages, the confession, the phone call. Dropping her phone, Clarke threw her hands onto her face. How could she be so careless. So stupid to have gotten so drunk and confess to Lexa how she was feeling. She had only figured out for herself what all her thoughts and emotions meant. “Fuck fuck fuck” She mumbled. 

She knew what she needed to do, grabbing her phone back up off her table opening a new message she typed in Lexa’s name. 

**Clarke (9:00 A.M.)** **:** Hey, it’s Clarke but I guess you already knew that. Um look about last night. I’m sorry for how i acted and what I said. I was just really drunk. Stupidly drunk. I 100% get if you don’t wanna talk to me again. God, I’m so sorry. I don't usually get like that. Yeah...just i’m sorry. 

Not thinking twice she hit send. She owed an apology to Lexa especially if it was gonna be the last time she ever spoke to her. She really wouldn’t blame the girl if she never wanted to deal with Clarke again. Throwing the covers over her head, she groaned. How did she fuck this up so badly already?

 

***

 

Lexa collapsed against the field, sweat dripping down her neck as the sun shined brightly down at her. She needed this, she needed this more than her morning runs because this is what helps her clear her head, and it’s been nothing but a jumbled mess since the night before. Even with her lack of sleep causing her to be far more exhausted than normal, she needed this.

Anya only chuckled above her, like they hadn’t been working all through the morning and even a bit of the afternoon. “Tell me again, why you want to do this?” Lexa asks her, the exhaustion seeping into her bones easily as she throws an arm over her face to shield her eyes from the bright sun above them.

“You’ve never complained before about training early?” Anya corks an eyebrow at her and smirks widely. Lexa may complain but Anya also knows how much Lexa loves Soccer, so any time they train for it, despite her complaining about it, she does quite enjoy it.

“I’m complaining today.” Lexa grumbles and reaches her hand to the side to pick up her phone. The moment she settles down from her workouts is the moment her mind gets time to think and when it gets time to think it thinks about Clarke and that’s just something that Lexa has been unable to help lately. She opens her eyes in the morning and her first thought is of Clarke. When she closes them at night her last thought is of Clarke. When she’s walking down the hall of school to her next class, even during a class, she’s still thinking about Clarke and her phone call last night and having Clarke’s number now… all of it makes it a bit worse.

But it’s worse in an addictive way, in a way that Lexa is helpless to stop, that she doesn’t even want to stop. “Tell blondie I said hi, and then tell her that if her pretty girlfriend plans to make captain this ear then she needs to focus and practice before tryouts.” Anya pushes her eyebrows up and down as she bounces a soccer ball on her knees skillfully.

_Show off._

“Shut up.” Lexa rolls her eyes and clicks the power button on her phone, her heart picking up in pace a moment. A new text from Clarke lies brightly on her screen and she had resisted all morning being too overbearing and texting her the moment she woke up, so now she immediately unlocked her phone.

She reads through Clarke’s text and takes in a heavy breathe. Her mind races a moment as she thinks through a response. Something calm and less urgent than the feeling that’s taking place in her chest, the one that she doesn’t exactly want to think about but hasn’t exactly gone away since the night before and she read over Clarke’s “I like you so much”. It’s still there at the front of her brain, taunting her, and she can’t decide what to do with the information… what she even wants to do with the information.

_Is it even accurate information if she was drunk?_

**Lexa (12:11 P.M.):** It’s okay, don’t be sorry. Why would I stop talking to you because you went to a party and had fun?

Clarke only takes moments to reply.

**Clarke (12:11 P.M.):** becuz I was just… you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.

**Lexa (12:12 P.M.):** I don’t mind, I’m actually glad you let me help you.

**Clarke (12:13 P.M.):** I shouldn’t have needed it, but thank you.

**Lexa (12:14 P.M.):** Don’t worry about it okay, it’s fine, and I’m here for you, as your friend I’m going to be here when you need someone.

Lexa sits up from the grass and runs a hand through her sweaty hair as she stares at her phone. She waits for the reply for what feels like forever when it’s only really moments. She wonders how Clarke is feeling, if she’s sick or hangover and she briefly wishes she could be there to take care of her.

The thought it abrupt and makes her huff aloud. She exits out of her messages and drops the phone a moment, standing up and running her hand through her sweaty hair again as she begins to pace. She isn’t sure what she’s feeling and she still doesn’t know what to do with it.

“Lexa calm down,” Anya lets the soccer ball drop and moves closer to her friend, who continues to pace.

“What do I do?” Lexa can hear her own voice shake as the words leave her. She hates feeling like this. Heart hammering and clammy, shaky hands. She clenches them and unclenches them and then runs them through her hair again as she paces in front of her best friend. Her breathing is harsh but she isn’t focused on that part.

“What do you mean?” Anya’s eyes follow her; the concern stretches because Lexa only paces when she’s beginning to have a panic attack, they both know it.

“I don’t know I think she likes me... I mean she said she likes me but she was, she got drunk last night and said she likes me, “so much” and I gave her my number I have her number, what do I do?” Her voice is raising an octave as she moves back and forth. She can’t help it, she can feel a million questions running through her head and she doesn’t have the answer to most of them and she hates not having the answer to things.

“First you need to stop.” Anya grabs Lexa wrist and pulls her to a stop in front of her. “Breathe in for me and then out and then tell me again what you’re trying to say.” Lexa does, follows Anya’s directions capably and watches her eyes a moment as the thoughts shuffle through her head.

“I have Clarke’s number now.” She mumbles. “Because last night she went to a party and got drunk and I was worried about her… worried but I can’t do anything anyways.” Her shoulders shrug, the same as last time when she said that as if it wasn’t a big deal but it is a big deal, to her it is.

“And what’s making you freak out?” Anya says slowly, in that collected voice she always does with her when she’s about to lose it.

“I don’t know, I’m not good at this.” Lexa’s hand shuffles through her sweaty hair again and she looks at everything but Anya.

“What is this?” She asks her slowly again, her voice still leveled and calm.

“I’m not sure Anya.” Lexa’s voice is the opposite and it shakes.

“Okay, well relax a moment. So you have a pretty girl’s number now? That’s not bad.” Her friend smiles widely at her, brightly as if it’s a great thing that’s happened and it makes Lexa’s heart plummet slightly to her stomach and she doesn’t understand the feeling.

“She was drunk Anya!” She huffs it with immense exaggeration, like Anya isn’t getting this at all in a way, it doesn’t feel like she is.

“Okay, okay, I got the drunk part. But you still have her number. Take it easy Lexa, whatever this is, despite how far she lives, don’t worry about that; just… go with your gut. You might like her, okay. Then follow that, follow how your feeling. Don’t use your head for once, you always use your head, use your heart.”

A small smile manages its way onto Lexa’s face. “That’s the cheesiest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“And it’s true, just take a deep breath and approach the situation with your heart. So you might like this girl, and maybe she lives a little further from you but that doesn’t matter. You don’t like people very often so go for it, or at least, try to?”

“You told me online girlfriends are dangerous.”

“I was just teasing you, and I didn’t think you actually liked her. Now that I know you might, I’m trying to be a little more supportive.” Anya smirks widely at her and pats her cheek. “Check your phone and let’s get a few more rounds in before we call it quits okay?”

“Okay.” Lexa takes a deep breath in and lets it out slowly as she watches her friend grab the soccer ball and heads back over to the field. She turns, grabs her phone again, and unlocks it to look at Clakre’s message.

**Clarke (12:15 P.M.):** Lexa, stop being so nice to me omg

**Lexa (12:23 P.M.):** I’m sorry, it’s naturally who I am.

**Clarke (12:24 P.M.):** ur such a cutie.

Lexa feels herself hesitate, the things that Clarke had said to her the night before still slipping around in her mind as she again tries to contemplate them and decide what it means. Her thumbs type out a message, she hesitates, reads it three times and then, feeling braver with Anya’s pep talk, she hits send and watches it deliver itself, unable to take it back.

**Lexa (12:26 P.M.):** You’re far more adorable than I could ever be.


	5. chapter five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I am sooo sorry for how late this is. I put up a note, but I'll just repeat it here. I'm in the process of moving and Chels was in a hurricane and now I'm sick so things are just not working out the best but I promise we'll get back on schedule and stuff real soon and it won't be so messy. I apologize for that.

Today was an extremely bad day for her alarm to mess up since she had a test in second period. Not to mention starting the day off with a headache was only making it worse. She fumbled through her routine, she couldn’t find her eyeliner for ten minutes because she had dropped it the day before and forgot to pick it up and her hair was acting unusually frizzy. She couldn’t get her braids to cooperate so she pulled it back into a pony tail, only to have her hair tie break halfway down the stairs, forcing her to go all the way back to her room for a new one.

Her mother was already gone, she was too late to eat breakfast and her bike tire popped as she was pulling out of the driveway. It’s safe to say that her morning was not starting out too great. She finally got to school at around 8:30, argued with the office ladies about not having a good excuse, and got yelled at by her second period teacher for entering the class in the middle of it.

The only good thing that seemed to happen that morning was what came an hour later, in the form of a little text that made her phone vibrate in her pocket while she breathed out a heavy sigh at her locker, trying to take a break from this day even though it had barely started.

 **Clarke (9:32 A.M.):** good morning cutie. I think it’s important that we don’t discuss the complex character that is Sansa Stark at midnight on school nights because I am exhausted.

 **Lexa (9:32 A.M.):** that was your idea, not mine.

 **Clarke (9:33 A.M.):** Don’t act like you didn’t play a role in the conversation.

 **Lexa (9:33 A.M.):** Maybe if you were not so interesting to talk to we wouldn’t be having this problem?

 **Clarke (9:33 A.M.):** You can’t be cute and expect to rely on that to get away with the fact that you kept me up too late.

 **Lexa (9:34 A.M.):** You were replying of your own free will.

 **Clarke (9:34 A.M.):** I can’t help it when it’s you (;

Lexa’s face flushes red as the bell goes off loudly behind her to signal that she needs to be getting to her next class. She almost wants to say “fuck it” and just go home, as the day doesn’t seem to be working out so well for her, but of course she doesn’t do that. She’s never been one to skip.

 **Lexa (9:35 A.M.):** Get ready for school, slacker.

And after that she pockets her phone and takes off down the hall toward her next class, not wanting to be late to that one as well.

 

***

 

Waking up was never something Clarke looked forward to. It was always a struggle for her to drag herself out of bed and ready herself for the school day. 

Today was especially rough; she had made the mistake of staying up way too late talking to Lexa about Games of Thrones. While at the time it seemed like a great idea, this morning was proving it to be a mistake. 

Groaning Clarke rolled out of bed and went through the motions of her morning routine. She actually surprised herself because she was able to grab an apple on her way out the door and got to school 20 minutes early. 

Leaning up against her locker, she pulled her phone out of her bag and texted Lexa. It's becoming a habit. She texts the girl all day, tells her about her classes, how she hates that one girl from her class, how the tables at the cafeteria always seem to have a layer of stickiness on them. Anything and everything she could think of. 

Hearing a slam next to her, Clarke jumped. Throwing a hand over her chest she let out a breath. "Jesus Murphy" she rolled her eyes at the brown haired boy smirking at her

"What's wrong Griff? Not my fault you always have your nose in your phone" Murphy's smirk only grew more as Clarke shot him a glare. 

"Shut up I do not" Clarke grumbled, she knew it was a lie. 

"So how's the girlfriend today" Murphy inquired as he opened his locker up grabbing the books he'd need for the day. 

"Not my girlfriend" Clarke mumbled, although there was a slight spark in her chest that wished she didn't have to say those words. 

"Might as well be as much as you ditch me at lunch to go talk on the phone with her" 

Clarke sighed turning to walk to her first class. She felt bad cause she had been ditching Murphy in favor of talking to Lexa but could you blame her.  

Bidding Murphy a goodbye, she walked into her first period; science. Clarke enjoyed the class well enough, after all her dad was an engineer. Taking her seat in the back she slumped down in the chair. Resting her head on the desk, she grabbed her phone hitting the home button to light up the screen. Finding it blank she locked it once again and started to get her books out for the class. 

 

***

 

Finally, finally, finally it’s lunch. This day could not be any longer, it’s already going down as one of the worst of the year and they’re not even that far into the school year. Lexa fumbles with the materials in her hands, the folder of photos and adjusting her bag along her arm as she pulls her phone from her pocket to catch another moment to talk to Clarke because no matter how bad her day goes; just talking to her manages to make it at least a little bit better.

But just as she’s ready to unlock it someone knocks into her from behind and cackles loudly as she goes flying to the floor, her photos scattering across the carpet for everyone to see and her phone slipping out of her hand into the middle of the hallway as she tries to catch herself.

“Learn to walk, loser.” Some kid she doesn’t recognize kicks at a few of her photos and sneers down at her like she was the one that had run into him. Another girl trailing behind him laughs and purposely steps on her photos. Another one voices they’re disgusts over the photographs themselves.

Nobody helps her of course.

Lexa grits her teeth and pulls herself from the ground, grabbing all the images scattered along the ground and stuffing them into the folder again, some are already ruined and she can feel the sting in her heart at the sight of it.

Her jaw clenches as she picks up her favorite one and the girl’s heel had pocked a hole in it. She trails her fingers over the break in the image as if that would mend it and feels a heavy puff of air leave her before she can manage to rein in her emotions. She stuffs it with the others and then stuffs the folder in her bag as she goes to find her phone.

“Is this yours?” A girl offers her a gentle smile and her hand and Lexa thinks she looks familiar but she isn’t sure she knows her. She takes her hand and pulls herself completely up from the ground and takes her phone back, checking it over to make sure it’s not broken. “I’m sorry about them, they just think, just because they’re seniors now they can terrorize everybody.” The girl smiles at her gently but Lexa is too distraught and distracted to smile back.

She huffs a bit where she stands and tries to straighten out her clothes and her hair. “I’m a senior.” She mumbles almost bitterly. She doesn’t know how much worse this day could get.

“Oh, I know. Lexa Woods. Don’t mind Ontari. She’s been bitching because she knows you’re getting the captain’s spot this year. Are you okay?” The girl’s smile remains and it relaxes Lexa a bit but not by much.

“I’m fine.” Lexa says it a bit harshly, not quite meaning too and softens up a bit when she’s meets the girl’s eye line. She’s familiar and she should know her but she can’t seem to place her. “Thank you.” She mumbles and stuffs her phone back in her pocket.

“You’re welcome. It’s Luna by the way; I can see you trying to place me in your head.”  She laughs brightly but Lexa still can’t manage to smile back. This day just completely sucks.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” She offers instead and watches as the girl waves off her apology.

“No it’s okay. You’re pretty notorious for keeping to yourself, only know the girls on the team. I’ll see you around.” Her grin is still friendly but Lexa doesn’t trust it, at this moment she isn’t sure she trusts anyone. She just wants to go home and take a bath and be alone and mop over her fallen pictures by herself.

“Okay.” Luna waves at her and jogs off to catch up with her friends, offering Lexa one last glance before she disappears around the corner.

The brunette huffs again and checks the area to make sure she’s gotten everything, and once it seems like she does she hurries off to the cafeteria to find Anya.

“Whoa, is that a cut Lexa?” Anya is up immediately, rounding the table to come toward her. Her hands at her face as she scraps a spot apparently bleeding with the tip of her fingers. Lexa hadn’t even realized it was there until she touched it and felt it sting, causing her to wince away from her friend’s touch.

She brushes Anya off. “Its fine, some people in the hallway.” She mutters, her tone a bit more aggressive than she’s going for. She doesn’t like being pushed around much, in fact, she can’t really think of anyone that does like being pushed around.

“Again?” Anya greets her teeth and Lexa just shakes her head.

“It’s fine.” She tries to sound convincing this time when she looks up at her friend but Anya doesn’t seem like she’s having it. It’s the third time in the last two weeks, it’s not actually fine but Lexa can handle herself.

“It isn’t at all. Was it that one girl?” Anya’s fingers are back against her forehead again, as if the press of her fingers can make anything better when it reality all it does is make her forehead sting more.

She winces again and pushes Anya’s hand away. “It doesn’t matter, I’m fine.”

“Shut up, look at this.” Anya grabs her arm to examine another scrap she hadn’t even felt more closely. She isn’t sure which one is worse. “Let’s go to the office and,”

“No. I can barely feel it.” Lexa rips her arm from Anya’s grip and tugs the sleeve of her shirt down over the mark. “I’m okay.” She mumbles as she sets her bag down and takes a seat.

Anya follows suit though she’s eyeing her in that way she does when she doesn’t believe her. “What happened?” She asks with more level to her voice and less concern, but Lexa knows her. She knows Anya won’t let this go and she knows she won’t shut up until Lexa gives her something.

She decides to just tell her, a heavy sigh leaving her before she manages somewhat of an explanation. “I don’t know, I think they pushed me, they ruined my photos.” Lexa pulls her phone out as her pout begins. She’s really more concerned and more upset about that than anything else.

Anya grits her teeth again, her jaw working as her mind wanders surely along every plot of revenge she can think of. Lexa just lets it happen, she knows at this point in their friendship that there’s nothing she can do to stop it anyways. “I’ll be right back.”

“Anya I can take care of myself,”

“I know that,” Anya ruffles her hair and disappears across the cafeteria, probably heading for Lincoln.

Lexa sighs heavily and unlocks her phone.

 **Clarke (12:15 P.M.):** I hate history, there’s this one girl that always sits at the front and raises her hand every two seconds like she knows everything and then when someone gets something wrong, she scoffs at them.

 **Clarke (12:30 P.M.):** I wonder if I could get away with watching an ep of GoT in this class

 **Clarke (12:59 P.M.):** really wish you weren’t responsible and would text in class Lexa.

 **Clarke (1:25 P.M.):** LEEEXXXAAA

Despite her incredibly terrible day and her now slightly stinging arm and forehead, a smile breaks out on her face as she reads through Clarke’s messages. Her heart does that funny thing it’s been doing and speeds up to only slow down and then speeds up again. Her stomach flips at the thought of Clarke in class in the back, on her phone and glaring at a know-it-all in the front.

 **Lexa (1:31 P.M.):** Miss me?

 **Clarke (1:31 P.M.):** Very much. Are you at lunch?

 **Lexa (1:32 P.M.):** Yes, someone ruined my photos, so now I have to take new ones for my portfolio :(

 **Clarke (1:33 P.M.):** Oh no Lex, what happened?

 **Lexa (1:33 P.M.):** Not a big deal, I fell and people stepped on them. I’m having a terrible day.

 **Clarke (1:34 P.M.):** wth would they step on ur photos for? I’m sorry Lexa. ):

 **Lexa (1:34 P.M.):** It’s okay, at least I get to see my dad later.

 **Clarke (1:36 P.M.):** Right, for the new IT movie

 **Lexa (1:36 P.M.):** Yes. I am going to hate it, but at least I get to be with him.

 **Clarke (1:37 P.M.):** I’m omw to beat up every person who stepped on ur photos btw

Lexa laughed a little and moved to reply but closed her phone when she felt Anya’s hand on her shoulder. Lincoln was with her this time and they sat with her and pulled out her photos, going over each one and which ones got ruined and would need re-taking. They made jokes to make Lexa laugh until the bell rang.

Lexa texted Clarke on her way to her next class.

 **Lexa (2:00 P.M.):** My knight in shining armor. ;)

 

***

 

There was only 30 more minutes of school left. 30 more minutes till Clarke could get out of this hell hole and go home. She had been looking forward to going home and taking a nap. 

The blonde rested her chin in the palm of her hand as her English teacher dragged on about some classical book and the hidden meanings. 

Her phone vibrated against her lap where it sat, glancing down she had a text from Murphy. 

 **Murphy (2:24):** wanna grab food? 

 **Clarke (2:24):** sure. Where about?

 **Murphy (2:25):** Sonic! Free slushy day 

Clarke chucked Murphy did love his slushes. She sent him a text letting him know she was down for sonic. Maybe the sugar would wake her up a bit.  Glancing back up at the clock she realized she only had 5 minutes left of class. 

Swiping her phone open once more she sent a text to Lexa. 

 **Clarke:(2:28):** do you think the movie industry put all those creepy clowns in cities to promote IT?

 

***

 

Lexa’s day does not get any better after that. She spends sixth period being reprimanded by her teacher for not participating enough and keeping to herself too much. She struggles through answers, some of which she blanks on when she could really use remembering them.

By seventh period she can’t find her homework before realizing she left it on her desk in her room. In which her teacher Indra promptly states in front of the whole class that it’s entirely too early in the year for anybody to not be turning in their homework, and that “I forgot it” is not a good enough excuse and that there is no good excuse. It makes Ontari snicker, which is when Lexa realizes they have a class together.

She is so thankful for the final bell that she rushes out of class first, determined to get home as fast as possible before anything else terrible could happen to her on this day but her popped tire would make her have to walk, so instead she unlocks the bike and wheels it towards Anya’s car, but seemingly unable to make it there without another disaster happening, she trips over the curb of the sidewalk and rips her favorite jeans open on her pants, groaning as she again, for the second time that day, catches herself on the pavement, only this time, it actually hurts when she falls.

Anya is by her side in an instant, helping her up and grabbing her bike before Lexa can protest. “You are just having an awful day today, no, no, I’ll wheel this, just go sit it in the car Lexa.” Practically defeated by this point she does as she’s told and slumps into her seat after she’s buckled herself in, closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.

 _You get to see dad in a few hours._ She tells herself and feels her body relax a moment, the stress of the day draining as she focuses on that one thing she’s been looking forward to all day long.

She doesn’t say much on the ride home and Anya doesn’t force her too, just helps her park her bike where she normally does and hugs her before they part and Anya heads toward her work. Lexa is so thankful when she opens the door to her home that she forgets to be mad about everything else.

Just as she’s making her way to the kitchen though her phone vibrates and she pulls it quickly from her pocket with a sped up heartbeat at the thought of it being Clarke.

It’s not.

 **Mom (4:00 P.M.):** Lexa, I won’t be home tonight. You can stay with your father if you want, I’m sorry sweetie. Love you.

She huffs and tosses the phone on the counter, making her way to the fridge for something to snack on before getting ready to see her dad. It’s not the first time her mother has sent her a text like that, it won’t be the last. Both of her parents jobs are demanding, she knows that. It’s just a particularly hard day. But she’ll see her dad and she’ll talk to him about it and he’ll be there to comfort her and it’ll be fine. It’s going to be fine.

She does her homework and makes sure she sets it back in her bag before she goes through her photos and sets the ones aside that got ruined. She fiddles around with her portfolio before she decides to get ready for the evening. It takes her thirty minutes to get ready, knowing her dad will swing by to pick her up by seven. But by six fifty her phone is vibrating again and it’s not Clarke.

 **Dad (6:50 P.M.):** Hey Lex, I’m sorry I can’t make the movie tonight. I’m swamped with this new case and it’s going to require a lot of my attention. We’ll rain check okay, I’m sorry lexa. I love you.

By this point, Lexa is just really sick of this entire day. She throws her phone onto her bed and feels the sinking of her heart. The last positive thing that she had been looking forward to all day and now it’s gone and it doesn’t matter and there isn’t anything she can do about it. She’s just stuck in this miserable day and she’s alone and she doesn’t want to be.

She sits on the edge of her bed and buries her face in her hands and takes in a few deep breathes but her eyes are already prickling with the tears she trying hard to keep from falling. It’s almost as if they have a mind of their own.

She kicks her shoes off and pulls her legs up onto the bed and wraps her arms around them and lays her forehead against her knee, she sniffles and tries to tell herself it’s stupid to cry. _It’s stupid_.

The vibration of her phone distracts her for a second though she almost doesn’t look at it. She almost wants to throw it out the window and never look at it again, even if it’s not exactly the phone’s fault that she’s had such a miserable day.

Crawling across her bed, she picks her phone up, lighting it up and reading the text that Clarke had sent her. Something cute and adorable and fully Clarke.

She’s unlocking her phone and is calling her before she even realizes what she’s doing. Her heart plummets and she feels a sob rising in her throat before she can stop it as the soft curious “Hey cutie,” of the blonde girl’s voice.

She shouldn’t have called her. “I’m sorry; I’m going to hang up…”

“Don’t you dare, what’s wrong Lexa?” Clarke’s voice is filled with concern and it’s so much softer than it usually is. It makes everything inside of Lexa twist and burn with feeling and she isn’t sure she likes it very much in this moment.

She feels another soft sob leave her before she can stop it. “I’m having a really bad day, I’m sorry.” She chokes it out, she wants to hang up. She shouldn’t have called her, but just hearing Clarke’s breath in her ear is comforting. There’s a bigger part of her that doesn’t want to hang up at all.

“Okay, it’s okay. What happened, I’m here.” She coos into the phone and Lexa feels her heart melt as she lies down in her bed and curls up next to her pillows. She doesn’t say anything, she just listens to Clarke breathe and she cries.

Clarke doesn’t stop her. “You’re far too cute to be this sad.” Clarke lightheartedly mumbles into the phone.

Lexa sniffs at that, a small smile catching on her lips even if the heaviness of her heart doesn’t exactly allow her to laugh. “You have a nice voice.” She admits softly, curling her hand against her pillow case and pulling it closer to her as she sniffs again.

“Does my voice make you feel better?” Clarke asks delicately, and Lexa briefly wishes she could see her eyes. She wishes she could say all the things she really does feel about her. Clarke doesn’t even have to talk to make her feel better; she just has to be there. But she’s too afraid to say that, and she’s far too tired for any more things to go wrong.

Instead, she just simply says. “Yes.”

“I’ll just talk than.” Clarke mumbles and Lexa nods even though she can’t see her and she closes her eyes as she tries to imagine what Clarke looks like as she goes into a detailed explanation of her day and a conversation with her friend about something pertaining to a painting she made of him that apparently isn’t half as good as the one she made of Lexa and apparently he’s really offended by that

And after Clarke runs out of things to talk about she starts cracking lots of jokes, jokes that make Lexa smile and wipe the tears from her face, but a smile isn’t enough. And Clarke mumbles in her ear, “I’m not hanging up until you laugh.” And it makes Lexa smile more as Clarke continues her onslaught of bad jokes.

It’s only when Clarke mumbles something about her “being too cute to draw properly still and it’s ruining my art project Lexa, but in a good way.” Does Lexa actually giggle. She blushes enough when she reads Clarke calling her cute, its worse she thinks when she hears Clarke say it out loud with her very nice voice.

“You’re so dorky.” Lexa mumbles into the phone and Clarke chuckles.

“And you have the cutest giggle in the world but of course you do.” Lexa feels her cheeks heat up again.

They talk forever. They talk while Clarke does her homework. They talk while Lexa gets ready for bed. They talk until one of them falls asleep on the phone, but Lexa can’t remember which did so first. She knows afterwards Clarke will argue with her that it was definitely her, but Lexa thinks maybe that’s not the case at all.

Her day was terrible, but Clarke somehow made everything better.

 

***

 

The next day on Lexa was much better. She got up early and even had breakfast with her mom before she left. It helped that Anya came by to pick her up rather than making her walk to school and all her homework was done. She had little to no problems all day and Anya was ready to hit the soccer field in the evening to practice some more, and of course Lexa wanted to. She had to secure her spot as captain, which logically she knew she had, but Ontari wasn’t the nicest person and she wasn’t a bad player, so a small part of her brain worried that, that girl would have her spot instead… She’d rather die than see that happen.

She’s lounging on a bench scrolling through her twitter, waiting for Anya to finish up the rest of her meeting she has with the debate club before they can leave and head home for a few hours before heading to the soccer field. She keeps bouncing back to the group chat, having a particularly interesting conversation with the three girls that only makes her laugh. In fact, most of their conversations are quite entertaining, even if Lexa is quiet a lot; Octavia and Raven were funny enough and seemed to like her.

It was always a nice escape from reality… well, when they weren’t teasing Lexa or Clarke about this whole big Clexa thing that has started mostly because of them always dragging attention to it.

Lexa still doesn’t completely get the situation.

 **spacehastings:** ontari sounds gross.

 **LGBTemison:** she is gross.

 **gayenerys:** you’ve never seen her

 **badasstark:** she’s trying to steal captain from you Lexa, she’s gross.

 **LGBTemison:** she can’t steal captain from the greatest player on the team

 **spacehastings:** Clarke… ik ur girlfriends but at least see her play before you say that. Her hot friend is on the team what if she’s better.

Lexa has decided to start ignoring the girlfriend comments, as there’s no use in correcting them, they’ll only continue to do it and on top of that, a small piece of Lexa feels just a little bit sick every time she says the words “she’s not my girlfriend” that she’s decided to just cut the sentence out of her life for good at this point.

 **gayenerys:** I assure you Anya is not better than me.

 **gayenerys:** Even she knows she’s not better than me.

 **spacehastings:** I want to meet your hot friend.

 **LGBTemison:** we’re not girlfriends, and Anya would probably find you repulsive.

Clarke however does not seem to be in the same mindset when it comes to these things, and a small piece of Lexa still feels sick even when she reads the words when Clarke says them. But of course she’s not going to bring that up.

 **spacehastings:** how dare you, I’m charming as hell

 **badasstark:** no I’m with Clarke. Repulsive.

Lexa chuckles as Anya motions her to get up so they can head home. Most of the ride is silent as she continues to converse through the chat with her online friends and Anya doesn’t say much, seemingly more tired than usual. When they get back to Lexa’s place Anya heads for the guest room, that’s basically just her room with a small “be out in a bit” and Lexa knows it’s home issues again so she leaves her alone about it and decides she’ll make Anya’s favorite breakfast in the morning and work extra hard when they practice later that night.

She heads to her room and gets started on her homework, though she doesn’t get much done as the chat continues moving back and forth between different topics, like Clarke’s art project that Raven loves to tease them about because most of her art projects involve Lexa’s face. Or she and Octavia bounce back and forth discussing different sports and fitness routines, though that always bores Raven who is never scared to voice her unwanted opinion on how boring she thinks it is.

It’s a bit later when Lexa sets her phone aside for a moment to scribble out a few sentences on her homework, though her attention was grabbed again as her phone made a different notification noise, the one she has for texts.

 **Clarke (5:01 P.M.):** I’m calling you.

And approximately two seconds later her phone rings.

 

***

 

Clarke leaned back against the driver seat. She had been talking to Lexa on the phone for the past hour since she left school. Lexa seemed to have a much better day and Clarke was glad to hear that. Although she still seemed pretty bummed about her photos that had been ruined, Clarke assured her that she would take ones that were five times better. 

"Don't you have soccer practice soon cutie?" Clarke asked into the phone speaker.

She heard some shuffling on the other end, "yeah I'm getting ready now" Lexa answered. "I still have another 30 minutes though." 

Clarke nodded forgetting that Lexa couldn't see her. "On your way to becoming captain" 

"Well I'm trying but Ontari seems to be getting better every day" Lexa scuffed. Clarke could almost hear the athlete rolling her eyes. 

"You're way better" she said confidently. 

Lexa chuckled, "Clarke you've never seen me play" 

Grinning Clarke answered, "Don’t have too." 

 

***

 

Friday nights were normally lonely for Lexa when school was in session. Both her parents normally worked through the night and Anya was always going to some party with a group of people that Lexa normally avoided. Sometimes she would go with her, if Anya begged particularly a lot, but this Friday she sat piled with homework and a sense of not wanting to leave her bed.

She was much enjoying the banter she had going on in the group chat and Costia ranting about a mutual she didn’t particularly like so she wasn’t exactly completely alone.

 **daenerystormborn:** so this Clarke girl?

Lexa groaned aloud unable to help it as she typed in a reply.

 **gayenerys:** you’ve already asked me about her before.

 **daenerystormborn:** I’ve asked you three times and each time you skirt me. Some kind of best friend you are.

 **daenerystormborn:** don’t make me take to asking your followers becuz they are obsessed with what they call Clexa

 **gayenerys:** don’t do that ! Raven feeds them enough.

 **daenerystormborn:** okay then Lex, it’s time to talk.

 **gayenerys:** she’s just a girl. We’re friends. She’s funny and nice and talented and makes me feel happy.

 **daenerystormborn:** so it really is something more then and not just a random thing stan twitter decided to latch onto?

 **gayenerys:** they haven’t latched on, idk what they’re about. I think its Raven’s fault. But Clarke and I are friends, good friends actually. I enjoy talking to her.

 **daenerystormborn:** it doesn’t help that she’s pretty huh

 **gayenerys:** so?

 **daenerystormborn:** come on Lex, don’t play coy, u like this girl.

 **gayenerys:** it doesn’t matter if I like her or not, she lives like away from me and she’s far more interesting than I could ever be.

 **daenerystormborn:** ur not allowed to say that. Ur lovely and I’m sure she sees that too.

 **gayenerys:** I might like her maybe

 **daenerystormborn:** now we’re getting somewhere, how much

 **gayenerys:** Costia… I don’t know okay. We’re becoming really good friends. That’s kind of nice. She’s just… so pretty and she has a cute laugh.

 **daenerystormborn:** well my gay friend. Pursue this. Flirt, be the cute Lexa you have always been and win her heart.

 **gayenerys:** wow, real uplifting.

 **daenerystormborn:** that sounds extremely sarcastic and I’m trying to be helpful.

 **gayenerys:** flirt with her like how?

 **daenerystormborn:** omg lex you don’t need my help with that part you guys already kind of do it, just up the game a bit. Be a bit bolder.

 **gayenerys:** what if that freaks her out?

 **daenerystormborn:** it won’t and if it does she’ll probably tell you. Go big or go home babe.

 **gayenerys:** fineee, we’ll see.

 **daenerystormborn:** good.

 

***

 

Lying in bed watching Game of Thrones on a Friday night was about as eventful as Clarke's evening was going to get. Her parents had gone out to some banquet for her mom's job and she had respectfully declined. 

She had been scrolling through twitter while a particularly boring scene had played on her laptop screen.  A notification for the group chat; Octavia had now named Gay babes™, came up on her screen. 

 **spacehastings:** Hey griffster!!  Birthday coming up next week any plans? 

 **gayenerys:** it's Clarke's birthday? 

 **LGBTemison:** yeah oct 24th 

 **badasstark:** partayyyyy

 **spacehastings:** Lexa shame on you for not knowing your girlfriend’s birthday. 

Clarke rolled her eyes. Raven had been bringing up the fact that Lexa and Clarke had been talking more and tweeting about each other more lately. No, they weren't girlfriends. Did Clarke want them to be? Maybe? Possibly? 

 **badasstark:** are you gonna get her some birthday sex big L??! 

Clarke gasped as her eyes widened. Leave it to Octavia to take it to the next level. 

 **gayenerys:** Well first I'd buy her some flowers then take her out to a nice dinner then go home and give her birthday sex (; 

The blonde wasn't one to normally blush but her cheeks were turning crimson in color. Impure thoughts started to fill her mind, images of Lexa over her, her hair cascading over her shoulders. 

Squeezing her eyes shut Clarke shook her head. She couldn't be thinking of things like that. She shouldn't be. 

 **spacehastings:** griff?? 

 **badasstark:** I think you killed her Lexa 

 **LGBTemison:** such a gentle women cutie (; 

The artist phone pinged with the sound of a text. Swiping over the notification she read: 

 **Lexa (8:12pm):** If that message came off creepy I’m sorry! I was just messing around with Octavia. 

Lexa was adorable; the message wasn't creepy at all. Creepy didn't make her stomach do little flips. 

 **Clarke (8:13pm):** don't even worry about it Lex lol I'm glad someone can put O in her place. 

 **Lexa (8:13pm):** i really do want to get you a present tho. 

Biting her lip Clarke had an idea. 

 **Clarke (8:14pm):** I have an idea 

 

***

 

20 minutes later Lexa's face was appearing up on Clarke's phone. 

"Wow your face is amazing" Clarke blurted out. 

Clarke watched as Lexa looked away almost as if she was trying to hide her reddening cheeks. 

"I've never done this before" The shy girl said. 

"What? FaceTime?" Clarke answered cheekily.

"No" Lexa rolled her eyes. "FaceTimed with someone I've never met" 

Biting her lip the blonde asked, "Do you not want to?" Clarke didn't want to make Lexa do something she wasn't comfortable with. 

"No! I want to." Lexa reassured. "I really do. Your face is nice to look at" 

Clarke's grin grew from ear to ear, "you're cute" 

 

 

Awhile later, Clarke watched as Lexa poured the cake batter into cupcake liners. She smiled as Lexa looked so concentrated on making each cupcake the same size. 

"How's it coming cutie" Clarke inquired. 

Lexa turned around giving Clarke a little smile, "Great" Clarke watched her turn back to the stove, opening it up and pushing the cupcake tray inside. "Gonna be the best birthday cupcakes." 

Shaking her head Clarke chuckled, "I can't believe you're making cupcakes for my birthday"

"Clarke you deserve a birthday cupcake." Lexa exclaimed. "Even if you picked chocolate cake with chocolate icing" 

"Hey!" The birthday girl said in a tone of offense. "It's not my fault you like boring vanilla"  

Lexa stuck her tongue out and Clarke’s stomach did somersaults. 

 

 

Once the cupcakes were baked, Clarke smiled as Lexa went about putting a candle she found stuffed in a drawer, on top of the chocolate cupcake. 

"Okay so you have to blow out the candle and make a wish." Clarke bit her lip as Lexa explained as if this was a new concept to the blonde. 

"Typically someone sings first." 

"Oh," Lexa seemed to get rather shy quickly. "Um, well I'm not much of a singer." 

The blonde broke out in a radiant smile, "come on you can't be that bad." 

Lexa took a deep breath before Clarke’s ears were greeted with a soft out of tune melody of Happy Birthday. 

The blonde couldn't control her smile anymore, it reached from ear to ear as she listen to the shy brunette stumble over the words to the song. 

"Clarkeee," Lexa whined. 

"Continue," Clarke encouraged. 

"Fine." Lexa grumbled before Clarke heard her begin to sing again. As adorable as it was to listen to Lexa shyly try and get out the song, Clarke couldn't help but put her out of her misery. The girl started to sing with Lexa as they finished off the song together. 

"Make a wish." Lexa whispered holding the cupcake up.

 

 

Clarke was only half paying attention to Lexa rant about her history teacher. It wasn't on purpose of course. It was just that Lexa looked so cute wrapped up in a blanket burrito and her hoodie, her hair falling lightly over her right shoulder, that Clarke just had to draw her. 

She has completely zoned out to what Lexa said, she missed the question she was being asked. 

"Clarke?" She heard the brunette say louder. 

"Huh," Clarke’s head shot up to look into the camera. "What?" 

Lexa smiled back at Clarke in the camera. "I asked what you were doing that has you so focused.” 

"Oh um," Clarke looked down at the drawing she had sitting in her lap. "Drawing you" she lifted the drawing up to show Lexa. 

Lexa was silent but the artist could see a light tint to her cheeks. "Do you like it?" 

Lexa looked away shyly; "it's amazing" she looked back up in awe. "Seriously everything about it is just... wow." 

It was Clarke’s turn to blush. Lexa had complimented her artwork before but hearing her say it and seeing her reaction was something else. "Thank you," she mumbled back. 

The conversation went on from there. The duo talking about their favorite movies, Lexa's soccer practices, Clarke's art class. They talked till Lexa couldn't stop yawning. Till her eyes started to droop and Clarke couldn't hold back the giggles at how adorable Lexa was. 


	6. chapter six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So while I'm trying to get moved chapters are gonna be a little spacey. But once I get settled again I promise they'll all be on time. :)

Lexa grabs her coat off the rack almost without looking, her eyes pinned to her phone as lengthy texts come in from Clarke.

**Lexa (11:31 A.M.):** You have an adorable laugh; I don’t know why you’re self-conscious of it??

**Clarke (11:31 A.M.):** Idk I think it sounds weird, u think it’s adorable?

**Lexa (11:31 A.M.):** I pretty much think anything that you do is adorable. ;)

**Clarke (11:32 A.M.):** That’s good to know, are you on your way to the official soccer practice?

**Lexa (11:32 A.M.):** I’m supposed to be leaving now, but I’m waiting on Anya. Official makes it sound weird.

**Clarke (11:32 A.M.):** How? Official soccer player, official practice for an official soccer player

**Lexa (11:33 A.M.):** You’re being incredibly adorable; I’m going to need a moment.

**Clarke (11:33 A.M.):** Adorable enough to leave you speechless???

**Lexa (11:33 A.M.):** I can’t take it, you’re too cute.

**Clarke (11:34 A.M.):** Ur the cutie here not me.

**Lexa (11: 34 A.M.):** Trust me; I could never be cuter than you. :)

“Lex, you leaving?” Her mother mumbles, pulling her from her Clarke induced haze long enough to actually hear the honking of Anya’s car horn.

_That lazy brat didn’t even get out of the car._

“Oh yeah, yeah, I’ll see you later mom.” She kisses her mother’s cheek as the woman waves her off as she sprints down the rest of the hallway toward the door.

“Have a good practice sweetheart.” She calls out just as Lexa is shutting the door, and she waves before she’s gone again, sprinting down the driveway as well toward Anya’s car.

“Couldn’t have taken you longer slow poke, Jesus.” Anya grunts as a hello while Lexa just rolls her eyes, slamming the passenger door shut and pulling her seatbelt on. She tosses her soccer bag in the back.

“You’re the one being lazy as fuck and honking the horn. You know how big my house is.” She decides on her argument. Anya just glares at her in usual Anya fashion.

“You don’t need to brag about the size of your house before noon.” She grumbles, putting her car in reverse and turning in her seat to see out the back window.

“I’m not bragging, it’s my parents’ money, not mine.” Lexa looks down at her phone, ignoring Anya’s side glance as she unlocks it.

“Mhm, you realize you can’t stare at your phone like that during practice if you want captain right.” Anya stopped moving the car to look at her and when Lexa looked up she was smirking.

“Shut up, you know I won’t.” She rolls her eyes and looks back down at her phone.

“All I’m saying is your obsession with blondie needs to be put on a separate shelf. You have captain in the bag, focus.” Anya backs out the rest of the way of the driveway just as Lexa offers her, her own glare.

“I don’t have captain in the bag while Ontari is on the team.” Lexa grumbles at the miserable thought of seeing that girl at all. It was really unfortunate because Ontari was a good player, when she wasn’t trying to trip Lexa on the field or pushing her down in hallways. But Lexa can handle it, she knows she can. It’s nothing.

“Ontari is nothing compared to you Lex, you do realize that, you realize Indra realizes that too right.” Anya raises an eyebrow at Lexa before putting her eyes back on the road again and Lexa releases a heavy sigh at the thought of the other day. She is Indra’s favorite but Indra isn’t going to pick her just because of that. Indra picks people based of talent and skill and leadership. If Lexa can’t handle turning in her homework on time how is Indra going to expect her to be able to handle their plays and players? That’s the way her mind works.

“She lectured me in English the other day; I’m supposed to be her favorite.” Lexa sighs and fiddles with her phone as she avoids the look Anya tosses in her direction.

“Her favorite because you don’t forget homework, you always show up on time, and your ten steps ahead of everyone else. She’s a hard-ass you know that.” Anya drives down the street smoothly as Lexa lets out a heavy sigh.

**Clarke (11:42 A.M.):** are we starting a competition, because I’m terrible at them, so of course you’ll win… in fact I forfeit, you are the cutest.

Lexa smiles widely down at her phone, uncaring of her best friend rolling her eyes next to her. Clarke is a distraction she would gladly look at to keep her mind off of the impending pressure of not losing captain to the girl with the worst attitude on the team.

**Lexa (11:43 A.M.):** If you would like to properly access this challenge we can FaceTime tonight?

**Clarke (11:43 A.M.):** A trick, u know ud still win right. Like you’ve seen you right?

**Lexa (11:44 A.M.):** Nothing compares to how beautiful you are Clarke. Not even my dashing good looks.

**Clarke (11:44 A.M.):** Im taking a screenshot of  that, just because I want you to never forget that you used those words.

**Lexa (11:45 A.M.):** and in the process it’ll be a reminder that you win this competition.

**Clarke (11:45 A.M.):** Impossible!!

“I swear to god you love your phone more than you love me.” Anya whines in the seat next to her and Lexa sighs heavily with a roll of her eyes as she shoves her best friend lightly in the seat beside her.

“Shut up.”

 

***

 

Saturday afternoon meant Clarke was lying in bed still dressed in her PJs watching Game of Thrones on her laptop. She had been texting Lexa a little about the episode and things she didn't understand. Somewhere along the relaxed easy conversation; flirting had become Lexa's game. Normally Clarke wouldn't mind as she will admit she flirts just as much with Lexa. But today, Lexa seems to be next level flirty and honestly it's just confusing Clarke. Grabbing her phone off the edge of her bed she opens up a new text:

**Clarke (1:30 P.M.):** Ravennnn I need your help asap!!

**Raven (1:30 P.M.):** the amazing problem solving Raven Reyes at your service

**Clarke (1:32 P.M.):** okay as much as you're gonna tease me about this I really need your help

**Clarke (1:32 P.M.):** I like Lexa more than a friend and I think maybe she likes me too but she hasn't said so?!?? But she's flirting hardcore with me and yeah she’s flirted before but not like this!!

Clarke sigh as it took Raven some time to answer. She knew she was taking a risk in texting her friend about this especially since she was the one who kept calling them girlfriends and posting their conversations online for the world to see. But Raven, even with her lack of relationships, was one of the best advice givers and frankly Clarke just really needed some help.

**Clarke (1:45 P.M.):** Raven I stg if you laugh or say I told you so

**Raven (1:46 P.M.):** nope...nope but Octavia told you so (;

**Clarke (1:46 P.M.):** Ugh! Forget it

**Raven (1:47 P.M.):** Sorry Grif! This girl’s really got you worked up huh?

She didn't have time for joking around, she was actually freaking out over this! Does she flirt back on the same level that Lexa was? Does she tone it down? Would she come off creepy or let on that she was feeling things for Lexa? She needed answers and she needed them now.

**Clarke (1:48 P.M.):** I'm freaking out! Her laugh, her eyes, her smile, her face! Have you seen her fucking face?!? It's amazing!! And I really like her...a lot. But what if she doesn't feel the same as me? What if she's just being friendly?

**Raven (1:48 P.M.):** if that's friendly for Lexa I'd love to see what feelings looked like. Look Griff, you just gotta come right out and ask her. Woman up! Worse case scenario she doesn't feel the same.

Worst case scenario is what scared Clarke to no end. She puts herself out there for what? To be shut down? That didn't seem like just a worst case scenario, that sounded like a bone crushing heart break and Clarke wasn't sure she was ready for something like that. 

 

***

 

Lexa is happy that practice is ending. The day had been long and strenuous with it. Hours, Indra’s favorite way to spend Saturdays, of up and down the field, of the ball in the net, opposing teams, deciding player placements. Though captain hasn’t exactly been named yet, and won’t be named until next week, Indra gives the reigns to Lexa more often than not.

The roll of captain is surely hers, they all know it. Nonetheless, she has to play the part of properly trying out for it, even if she’s already a top contender and earned it, there are others who could possibly deserve it and take her place as well.

The only thing about practice that Lexa hates more than being there for hours is Ontari. She’s ruthless on Saturdays, always chasing after Lexa, making sure she’s on the opposing player side while their practicing just so she can try and one-up Lexa. The more she fails at it the more frustrated she gets, the more aggressive she gets. Lexa knows how it goes, it was similar last year, but she always tries to handle it with as much grace as possible.

It’s the last run through of the day, Lexa’s got the ball, they’re testing plays and this one so far had seem to be working good. Ontari was tired but she wasn’t at all thinking of giving up, and she was on Lexa the moment the ball was at her feet. It was only a matter of time that Ontari would be fed up enough to “accidently” trip Lexa along the muddiest part of the field and then manages somehow to pretend she had done nothing at all; stealing the ball and taking off down the field.

Normally Lexa would get up just fine, but that had really hurt the moment she crash landed into the ground. She moves to pull herself up but she’s slow, wincing as the pain of it shoots up her leg. She curses because she will not be injured, not right now, it wouldn’t be fair.

Indra blows the whistle and she whips her head around to see where everybody is, Ontari still has the ball at her feet, everyone has stopped. “Lexa you alright?” She calls and she’s making her way to her as Lexa tries to straighten her posture, wincing as she sets both feet firmly on the ground.

“I’m good.” It’s a lie but she knows how to mask her feelings behind a face of indifference.

“Ontari, you can’t trip people on the field, you know that.” Anya calls across the field and the girl looks at her as if she’s grown two heads.

She plays innocent too well. “I didn’t, I was on her like I was supposed to be, not my fault she’s a fucking clutz.”

“Knock it off.” Indra calls to both girls. “Did she trip you Lexa?” Indra asks in a lower voice, so that the conversation is more between them and people can’t overhear it.

Lexa has never been one to snitch, nor as captain is it her best interest to get a very good player benched for the season, so she shakes her head. “No, I just fell.”

“Well let’s sit okay, you rest the rest of practice, you’ve done enough this game, you really don’t have to worry about your spot.” Indra pats Lexa’s shoulder and offers her a bit of a smile but Indra has never been known for her smiles and it almost doesn’t even look at one. Nobody else would even know it’s a smile, but Lexa knows Indra pretty well by this point.

“Does that mean,” She goes to ask but Indra holds up her hand to cut her off mid-sentence.

“I can’t say yet. Tomorrow. Go sit.” She points to a bench and Lexa nods, forcing herself not to limp as he makes her way to the bench to watch the rest of practice. She hopes the pain won’t last, that it’s not a long-term injury. She can’t have one if she’s going to be captain, and she definitely can’t let Ontari have captain just because she can’t handle a little trip.

 

***

 

Clarke hadn't moved from the desk in front of her, hadn't moved in hours. In fact the only thing that changed was the ever growing pile of crumbled up paper around her. Each with lyrics and scribbles of words she wanted so desperately to get out.  No matter what she wrote it never felt like that right thing. No matter how many times she changed the lyrics or the melody she hated it. Hated what it meant. Hated how it felt.  She could write song after song about how beautiful Lexa's eyes were or how her hair fell over her shoulder like a cascading waterfall but to write how she felt inside; how Lexa made her feel inside. No, that was an impossible task. 

Letting out a groan she pushed herself back from her desk and trudged downstairs to get a snack. 

Once her feet carried her down to the kitchen she pulled open the door grabbing an apple. She smiled remembering that they were Lexa's favorite. Everything always came back to Lexa.

"What's up buttercup?" Jake asked his daughter as she draped herself over the kitchen bar. 

"Trying to write a song but nothing is going the way I want" Clarke mumbled around a mouth full of apple. 

Jake chuckled, coming to stand across from Clarke. "Maybe you should just let it go," he said. "Let it just write itself." 

Clarke took another bite of her apple as she thought about what her father said. Maybe she should just let the words flow out. Wasn't that the easiest way, to let the thoughts and feelings just fall out of her head onto the paper? 

Smiling Clarke walked over to her dad placing a kiss on his cheek "For an old man you're actually kinda smart." With that she left her dad and went back upstairs feeling better about her song. 

 

 

***

 

“I’m telling you it’s not okay and I’ve had it up to here with her.” Anya’s hand rises up above her head as if to show some imaginary bar she has with Ontari’s face beside it. Lexa can imagine that bar, only with this conversation beside it.

“She just wants my spot, but she’s not going to get it.” Lexa says confidently as she hangs her coat up on the rack and adjust the strap of her soccer bag around her shoulder so it’s more in place as she goes up the stairs. Anya does the same and follows her.

“Damn right she’s not.” She says sternly.

“Indra practically told me today that it was mine.” Lexa informs her friend as they reach the top of the stairs and walk down the hallway toward Lexa’s room.

Anya grabs her friend’s arm, pulling her to a stop right outside of Lexa’s door “She did!?” She asks with wide excited eyes and Lexa smiles a bit, nodding her head.

“Yes, so the spot is mine, sprained ankle or not.” She looks down at her foot in the brace Anya insisted they pick up on the way home, Lexa had plans to ice it while she was FaceTiming Clarke and doing her homework but there’s dread in the pit of her stomach at the thought of Clarke even knowing about what Ontari did today. She’ll just have to avoid the topic, avoid the practice, even though she knows that’ll be hard. It’ll probably be the first thing Clarke asks about.

“But this means you have to sit out the first game.” Lexa shrugs her shoulders and continues walking… more accurately limping toward her door as Anya follows behind her, as if she’s at the ready for Lexa the moment she wobbles too much to one side, like she can’t handle a sprained ankle on her own. It would be annoying if it didn’t make Lexa’s heart swell.

“I’ll still be the captain and it’s only the first game, scouts aren’t coming out for it. And even if they were I have my portfolio, so my whole life isn’t riding on it.” She pushes her door open and tosses her back down beside it, limping her way to her bed to sit down and get off her ankle, which really has just been throbbing the whole way home.

“Your portfolio which Ontari also tried to ruin.” Anya says it as if she’s making some kind of point, but the point means nothing to Lexa. All it serves to do instead is irritate Lexa more, wishing conversation didn’t always come back to this. Ontari doesn’t even matter, what Ontari does or tries to do to her doesn’t matter. She can handle it by herself.

“But she didn’t.” She grumbles as her jaw clenches, moving slightly as she tries to find a way to officially shut this conversation down. She can’t wait to talk to Clarke; Clarke always makes her feel better.

“Lexa something has to be done about her, you can’t let her ruin your photos and sprain your ankle and act like nothing is wrong. Tell Indra, Ontari needs to take responsibility for her actions, she’s not going to stop bullying you if,”

“Shut up Anya I can handle it. She’s not a bully; just a nuisance and I don’t need any help.” She nearly shouts it, fed up with anything Ontari related for the rest of the day. She doesn’t need some adult and she doesn’t need help because it’s nothing. She’s fine. She can handle it, she doesn’t know why she has to keep saying that or why she has to bother reminding anyone of that.

Anya’s stance has changed from concerned friend to that stand-up straight hand on hip stance she does when she’s getting angry, really angry. It’s not fully at Lexa, Lexa knows that, buts he doesn’t like to be shouted at and normally Lexa doesn’t shout. There are reasons Anya stays away from her home. “No… no of course you don’t. I’m going to my room because your pissing me off.” She says flatly and turns around to head back for Lexa’s door.

“Fine.” Lexa grumbles, though an apology is threatening its way out of her throat and already straining in her voice.

Anya must hear it, because at the door she stops. “I love you.” She says in a tone full of frustration and irritation, though her eyes are soft when Lexa looks into them.

“I love you too.” Lexa repeats in the much the same tone, though instead hers shakes a little as Anya nods her head and pulls her door open, disappearing down the hall toward her designated room in Lexa’s house.

Lexa has the urge to call after her, but instead she decides to text Clarke to see if they can start their FaceTime early.

 

***

 

Clarke stared back at Lexa through her tiny cellphone screen. She watched as the brunette was finishing up some homework. She didn't want to interrupt her since she looked to be so concentrated but she needed to do this now before she chickened out. She had been mentally psyching herself up to do this since Lexa’s face popped up on her phone screen. She had finally written the song she could be happy with, one that showed how she felt towards her that showed that she was scared and nervous. It was now or never.

_Here goes nothing._

"Hey Lex," Clarke spoke. Lexa looked up, making eye contact with Clarke. 

"Yeah?" Lexa questioned. 

"Um...so I've been working on a new song" she started, fidgeting with her Guitar strap. "I was wondering if uh...if I could sing it for you?" 

The other girl nodded her head, “Of course, I love listening to you sing." 

Clarke gave a nod before taking a deep breath. She could do this. She could just confess how she felt. If Lexa didn't feel the same it would be okay, Clarke told herself over and over but really it made her stomach churn, made her feel sick to her stomach. She could easily tell herself she would be able to walk away from Lexa, to just be friends with her but really Clarke didn't think that would be the case at all. 

Wiping her sweaty hands against her jeans she picked up her guitar and strummed the strings a few times before getting the melody she wanted. She began to sing. 

 

_I'm tugging at my hair_

_I'm pulling at my clothes_

_I'm trying to keep my cool_

_I know it shows_

_I'm staring at my feet_

_My cheeks are turning red_

_I'm searching for the words inside my head_

 

_'Cause I'm feeling nervous_

_Trying to be so perfect_

_'Cause I know you're worth it_

_You're worth it_

_Yeah_

 

_If I could say what I want to say_

_I'd say I want to blow you, away_

_Be with you every night_

_Am I squeezing you too tight_

_If I could say what I want to see_

_I want to see you go down_

_On one knee_

_Marry me today_

_Guess, I'm wishing my life away_

_With these things I'll never say_

_It don't do me any good_

_It's just a waste of time_

_What use is it to you_

_What's on my mind_

_If ain't coming out_

_We're not going anywhere_

_So why can't I just tell you that I care_

_'Cause I'm feeling nervous_

_Trying to be so perfect_

_'Cause I know you're worth it_

_You're worth it_

 

Clarke set her guitar down, she was afraid to look back at Lexa in the screen. The girl was being quiet. There was no sound coming from her side other than the soft sounds of her breathing. Clarke felt like her world stood still. That it completely stopped turning. Everything was frozen in time. Her heart was pounding against her chest, she felt as if she couldn't get a proper breath to pass through her body. 

Finally getting the courage to look at Lexa, Clarke watched Lexa's face scanning it for any sign of...well anything. There was nothing there. Just Lexa staring back at Clarke in utter silence. She couldn't take it anymore. The silence was becoming too much, she needed noise. She needed an answer. 

"I..." Clarke started but slammed her mouth shut. Taking a deep breath she tried again, "Raven told me to just let it out. To tell you how I felt and other than art, singing is the best way for me to express how I'm feeling, I've been working on this song for a while. Well not a while a while more like a week or two." She was rambling. Drawing her bottom lip to her teeth, she took another breath.

"I knew there was a risk of you not feeling the same way and that's okay" she spoke softly. "It's okay...I understand if you don't. I guess I've read the signs wrong and that's my fault not yours. You're just..." she sighed; she didn't know how to explain what Lexa made her feel. It was almost indescribable. "You just make me happy and laugh and look at stupid things like flowers and sunsets and wonder how you'd photograph them or how I'd draw you in comparison to beautiful things like that because they'd be dull in comparison to you and I just," Clarke slammed her mouth shut once again. Words were failing her. Lexa was still looking back at her like a lifeless zombie. She felt stupid and dumb for even thinking the girl felt the same for her. Of course she didn't. Why would she? Lexa was a goddess, something out of a fairytale and Clarke...well Clarke was hardly a princess.  “I’m sorry I'll go." 

Clarke reached her hand towards her phone to hang up the FaceTime call but before she could she heard a soft "stop". Dropping her hand she looked towards Lexa.

 

 

 

“Clarke...” Lexa could feel her heart hammering aggressively against her breastbone. She was suddenly nervous, a nervous she hadn’t been through most of any of their interactions in the past. She folded her hands together to keep the blonde from noticing how they were shaking. “That song…” Lexa brushed a shaky hand through her hair, pushing back strands out of her face nervously as she tried to figure out how to be eloquent and keep her voice from also not shaking. “It was amazing.” She mumbles gently and glanced at Clarke who was still watching her very intently, almost too intently.

Lexa looked down so she could gain more courage. She doesn’t know why this is so hard; she’s never been good at this. She doesn’t do stuff like this. But Clarke has put it all out there, Clarke has taken the lead and she still feels like she’s drowning, like it’s easier to say the wrong thing than it is to just tell her the truth. She wishes she had more experience in this field, a better example to follow so she knew just what to do but she’s on her own here. “It really was amazing, I’m just caught off guard just… give me a minute.” Lexa shrugged and glanced back up to see Clarke nod at her and adjust the way she was sitting. She couldn’t read what the blonde was thinking but she knew now wasn’t exactly the time for that.

It was her turn to talk, to be honest; she just wasn’t quite sure what to say. She knew a lot of what she might want to say, but she was still afraid of saying it. She wasn’t even sure if she opened her mouth that anything like that would come out, that her head would let any of those words out. She needs to start small, so she works through her brain the best she can, searching for the best summary of what she wants to say that will make it past her lips without turning into a mess.

“That was the most romantic way anyone has ever confessed their feelings for me before… not that many people confess their feelings for me.” Lexa released a small chuckle and shuffled her hands through her hair again, pushing it out of her face, though most of the strands just fall back into place.

Clarke doesn’t laugh with her; she only stares after her, remaining quiet, giving Lexa the time she needs to sort through her thoughts, though she looks anxious. But of course she is. It’s not often someone plays a song full of feelings for another person to confess. Lexa wishes she could manage some way to make her more comfortable while she tries to figure out how to say what she wants to say. How to tell her she’s not good at these things but she wants to be, in this moment just for Clarke she wants to be, how to tell her that feelings scare the shit out of her, but that with Clarke she really can’t help what she feels and in a sense she doesn’t actually want to. She just can’t figure out how to properly say it.

She takes in a deep breath and looks at Clarke; hands still shaking, heart still pounding. “I uh, I’m not…” She pushes her hand through her hair again. “Relationships and feelings they kind of freak me out, I don’t… understand all of it very well.” Lexa looked back up at Clarke and her heart plummeted a moment at the glum look on the blonde’s face. “But you came into my life and suddenly none of that seemed to matter.” Lexa felt relief as the miserable look on the blonde’s face seemed to slowly vanish as she listened to what Lexa had to say.

She wasn’t sure exactly about relationships, or all the aspects of one, but she did know that she liked Clarke very much. And she wouldn’t hang up this call until Clarke at least understood that, understood as best as Lexa could manage to explain her own feelings. “I wish I had thought of something as big and as grand as you did but I didn’t.” Lexa shakes her head. “But I feel the same way about you. Lately you’re, all I think about. I would love to photograph you next to sunsets and flowers or while you draw, but none of those things are as beautiful as you are to me. You would be the most beautiful thing in that photograph.” Lexa lets out a gust of air as Clarke’s eyes seem to move around the image of her face almost if she can’t believe that this is actually happening. It would be comical, if Lexa wasn’t still so damn nervous.

There’s a long moment of silence as Lexa awaits Clarke’s reply to her reply. It’s almost too much but Lexa waits because Clarke had listened to her and it was only fair of her to do the same. After a moment, a small smile flits its way across Clarke’s face as she says. “Jesus woman did you have to make me sweat?” And Lexa can’t help the chuckle that escapes her as well, shaking her head as the blonde grins widely at her.

“It’s not an easy thing to just blurt out Clarke.” Lexa mumbles in response but that only seems to amuse the blonde more, her brilliant smile growing and Lexa in that moment again wishes she were with her, just so she could photograph that smile at keep it still forever.

“You’re right, it’s definitely much easier to sing it out cutie.” And Clarke winks and Lexa’s stomach flips as a warm blush rushes across her cheeks, which only seems to make Clarke happier though Lexa finds she’s brushing her hands against her cheeks to try and hide the blush that sits there even though it’s too late, even though she knows Clarke has already seen it. “If we date, are you going to blush all the time?”

“Shut up.” Lexa buries her face in her hands as the thought of dating Clarke only makes her blush worse.

Clarke laughs. “Don’t hide your face, it’s too cute.”

“Stop teasing me.” Lexa mumbles into her hands.

“Okay, okay.” She hears Clarke say and slowly peeks up from her hands to a beautiful smiling face on the other side of the screen. “You’re beautiful.” The blonde mumbles out honestly and Lexa feels her heart stutter in her chest.

If she were in the same room, she’d kiss her. She’d kiss her tell they both couldn’t breathe anymore. “So are you.” She replies and Clarke’s smile widens even more, she’s not sure how much bigger Clarke’s smile can get, all she knows is that she wants to see Clarke smile like that forever.

“Can I get back to my homework now?” She teases and Clarke chuckles.

“Yes you can, I like watching you concentrate you do this cute eyebrow lift thing when you finally find the answer.” Clarke makes a face like she’s trying to imitate her, which only seems to make Lexa blush again at the thought of Clarke watching her while she’s not pay attention.

“You’re weird.” She says instead of what she’s actually thinking.

“Nope, just very into you.” Lexa giggles and pulls her homework back in front of her, but she finds she can’t much focus on it while Clarke is there. Her eyes always glancing up to look at her, their conversation carrying on full of teasing and flirting and Lexa can’t remember a moment in her life where she’s ever been this happy.

 

***

 

Clarke dialed Lexa's number the next day as she sat out on her dock swinging her bare feet over the water underneath her.  She had been waiting to hear from the girl about how her practice had gone, and the practice yesterday since they hadn’t seemed to get the chance to talk about it, but it was already well over Lexa's practice time and yet her phone stayed silent.  It was unlike Lexa to not text Clarke when she said she would, so it worried the blonde. 

"Hey" Lexa greeted into the phone and Clarke let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, relieved the girl had picked up. 

"Hey you" she smiled into the phone. "How'd practice go?" 

She heard mumbling in the background and the sound of people moving about. "Uh... well" Lexa sounded unsure causing Clarke to frown her brows. 

"Stop lying to your girlfriend Lexa" she heard someone shout and Lexa hiss out a "Shut up" and “Give that back"

"Clarke?" A female voice said into the phone “Its Anya, i’m gonna tell you what happened yesterday since Lexa refuses to tell you." 

Clarke was confused, what had happened to Lexa? Before she could ask Anya though she heard the girl speak up again. "Lexa hurt her leg at practice cause that bitch Ontari," 

"Hurt? How? Is she okay?" The words were flying out of Clarke’s mouth. She had this overwhelming fear rise in her chest. 

She heard some more shuffling on the other end of the line, a protest to “Give me my damn phone back Anya” before Lexa's soft voice filled the speaker once more, “Its fine. I'm fine. It's nothing." 

Somehow Clarke didn't think that was the case but Lexa was adamant that it was no big deal. “Just a little sore leg. I’ll be good to go in a week or two.” 

"Lexa," Clarke sighed. "This is like the third time this week that that bitch has done something to you." she heard Lexa huff. "Have you told someone what's going on? I mean she can't stay on the team if she keeps bullying you. She needs to get kicked off the team for what she’s doing to you. Is it your kicking leg? Tell me what happened, how did she hurt your leg?” 

"I'm fine Clarke.” Lexa raised her voice causing Clarke to blink a few times. “Drop it.”  That was the first time Lexa had ever done that to her. She honestly never thought Lexa would be that type of person since she's always so level headed and composed. 

Swallowing Clarke nodded, "Yeah sorry" replying softly back to the frustrated girl on the other end. "I'm gonna go, I got to finish my art project. 30 minutes of ice then 30 minutes of heat for your leg if its sore.” she was almost sure she heard a soft protest coming from the phone but she didn't stick around to confirm it.


	7. chapter seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving is done so updates will be back on the normal schedule now. :D

Lexa frowned as she set her phone aside, Anya hadn’t said anything yet and Lexa wasn’t exactly looking forward to when she decides to finally open her mouth and inform her of what a big idiot she must have just been. Clarke hung up too fast; she didn’t even let her apologize. She must have really messed up, even though she doesn’t feel like it’s something that Clarke needs to worry about.

“This is why you use your inside voice at all times Lexa.” Anya is looking at her when she turns to see her face and figure out what kind of attitude the girl is going to give her tonight. Her frown deepens and the innocent look on her friend’s face disappears. “Just tell her sorry, no big.” Anya sits up on the bed from where she had been half lying down just as Lexa turns away from her to look at her phone.

She couldn’t figure out if it would be better to just pick it back up and call Clarke back or if the blonde is the kind of person that would like some space from her. “Cause sorry works so great on you.” She says, suddenly miserably. She flinches as her ankle throbs a moment before it subsides.

“Hey, I know when you mean it and when you don’t.” Anya rolls her eyes at her but sits further up on the bed and moves to the edge to sit by Lexa.

“I didn’t mean to yell it’s just.” Lexa huffs heavily, rushing a hand through her hair and pushing it back the way she often does when she’s the slightest bit irritated.

“Lex, don’t you think that the fact that you don’t like talking about it means it’s a little more of a problem than you’d like to admit it is?” Anya tries to catch her gaze but Lexa avoids it, instead she rests her hands in her laps and watches as they twist together and she tries to figure out if it would be better for her to give Clarke space or not.

“No, I’m just tired of nobody thinking I can take care of myself.” She mumbles with a small grit to her teeth. First Ontari messes up her leg and now she messes things up with Clarke right after things had advanced forward with them.

“That’s not what it is Lexa.” Anya adjusts on the bed and moves closer to her friend. “I’m sure Clarke knows you can take care of yourself, but she’s what, your girlfriend?” Lexa’s heart rate picks up at just the implication that Clarke is her girlfriend. She wants Clarke to be her girlfriend; does Clarke want to be her girlfriend? She probably doesn’t now.

“I don’t know,” Lexa mumbles quietly, twisting her fingers together tightly.

“Either way she wants to be so she just cares, the same way I care when I bring it up… okay maybe not the same because she wants to kiss you and stuff and blah, but you get it.” Anya swings her hands as she talks and tries to explain it in a way that Lexa understands, and she does understand it. It upsets her that she’s upset Clarke; it upsets her even more that she doesn’t know the right way to fix it.

She sucks at this.

Lexa’s cheeks tint a slight color of pink as she looks down at her twisting hands in her lap. “What if she never wants to talk to me again?” Lexa asks quietly as Anya chuckles beside her.

“That’s so silly Lexa, of course she does. Just tell her you’re sorry for raising your voice.” Anya pushes some of Lexa’s curly hair behind her ear so that she can better see her face before rubbing her friend’s back.

“I’m still mad at you for stealing my phone, this would have never happened if,”

“I didn’t tell your girlfriend about your problems?” Anya raises one eyebrow at the brunette almost as a warning. Lexa deflates with her argument, releasing a long sigh as she slumps into Anya’s side.

“Shut up, you’re the worst.” She grumbles as Anya comforts her, pulling her friend closer.

“But you love me anyway.” She states matter-of-factly and Lexa doesn’t bother disagreeing with her because of course she is right.

 

***

 

Three days. That’s how long it’s been since Clarke last talked to Lexa. There were no texts, no calls, no FaceTimes, nothing and it fucking hurt. Clarke had no idea what she had done wrong other than be concerned about her girlfriend. Were they even girlfriends? Hell Clarke didn’t even know that. All she knew was that Lexa had shouted at her and honestly made her feel like total and utter shit. Since when was being concerned about someone you care about a bad thing? Why did Lexa want to hide the fact that Ontari hurt her from Clarke? It hardly felt like they kept secrets, especially after nights of talking about things they've never told anyone else before.

Like how Clarke has recurring nightmares that her father passed away or how when Lexa was five she fell into her neighbors swimming pool, causing her to be slightly still scared of swimming in any form of water. Clarke had laughed at that telling Lexa that she was going to get her to come swimming in the lake to which Lexa told her she was out of her mind and it was never going to happen. 

She really missed laughing with the brunette or just simply being on FaceTime with her. Watching Lexa do simple tasks was one of Clarke’s favorite things to do. Like when Lexa gets tired, she twist her hair around her fingers or how she doesn’t even think Lexa notices but she’ll play with the end of her shirt when she’s nervous or shy. Its little things like this that Clarke is missing the most right now. Sighing Clarke picks up her guitar from where it lays on the edge of her bed and started to strum out a tune. She’s thought about making a cover and posting it on Twitter.

She had nothing else to do. Watching Game of Thrones didn’t feel the same without Lexa telling Clarke to stop asking so many questions and just watch the show: 

“I just really want to know how a shadow impregnated a woman Lexa.”

“Clarke that’s not...just be quiet and watch.”  

Turning on her camera, she sat in front of her laptop. Singing and playing guitar always helped her get out what she was feeling. It was a way to decompress all her emotions, letting them fall effortlessly from her lips. Hitting record, she belted out word after word till finally she had sung everything she felt.  She hadn’t realized she was crying till a drop of wetness landed on her wrist. Quickly wiping away her tears, she uploaded the video to Twitter. 

**_@LGBTemison:_ ** _new song: Never Got Away.....imy_

 

***

Lexa grumbled as she slammed the laptop lid down, pushing it a bit aggressively away from her. Now she’s gone and made it worse because she was trying to give her space. Anya was right; she should have just apologized right away. She hates it when Anya’s right, she absolutely hates that.

Now a simple apology doesn’t feel like it’ll be enough. She has to make it up to her. Clarke’s always doing stuff like drawing her and apparently singing songs about her, she needs to think of something that says sorry on a bigger scale, not just a lame phone call in her shy meek voice. That’s not going to do it anymore, not this time after she’s manage to fuck up so bad. How did she do this already? It must be a record for her at this point.

She stands from her bed and begins to pace for a second. She sucks at this stuff, why did she ever bother in the first place? Clarke is nice and pretty and funny and social and she’s just…Lexa. She can’t even say sorry at the right time. She sucks at this; this is why she doesn’t do this, ever, with anyone.

She releases a heavy sigh and falls down on her bed so her eyes land on the ceiling. She makes shapes out of the traces there and if she stares at it long enough, those traces almost start to look like faces. Unfortunately this does nothing to solve her problem but only continues to waste her time and increase the panic she’s feeling pressing down on her chest.

_Get it together Woods._

She should have immediately called her back, that’s what a normal person would do, that’s what anyone would do. This is just great, they had only just admitted their feelings and it’s already going downhill because Lexa’s an idiot, a full blown idiot who doesn’t even know how to communicate with people.

She huffed again and turned around on her bed, flipping her laptop and pushing it back open and bringing it back to life. She clicked through the song again; let it play as her mind wandered to figure out how to fix this mess she somehow managed to make. She read the comments below it and felt another huff leave her.

People just never quit, it was funny at one point but right now it just feels incredibly annoying and invasive.

How did she manage to make Clarke cry already? She deserves so much better than that.

 

***

 

It didn’t take long before all the tweets came flooding in. All the tweets about her and Lexa. She didn’t want to deal with them. They were starting to become fun, her and Lexa used to read them to each other laughing at how crazy some of them were but the last thing Clarke wanted to do was laugh. 

**_@whoaemison:_ ** _A love song?? #Clexa_

**_@peacelovedani:_ ** _My feels!!!_

**_@softaria:_ ** _Who do you miss? Is this about **@gayenerys**  ??_

**_@cecedrakes:_ ** _Is my ship sailing or sinking?!??_

All these replies but Lexa has been mute. Despite Clarke’s pride she has checked Lexa’s page quite often. Searching anything that would help her figure out what was going on. To help her figure out what was going through the girl’s head. But in the end she’d come up empty. 

 

***

 

 “So you’re telling me, you think you need this grand massive gesture?” Costia’s voice sounds unconvinced and if Lexa could see her face right now, she’s sure the girl’s perfect eyebrow would be arched with the question on her lips.

“It’s not a massive gesture; it’s going to be necklaces.” Lexa adjusted the phone from her right hand to her left hand before slipping it between her shoulder and ear so she could type in the website she wanted on her keyboard.

“That sounds like an awful lot you have to do just because your raised your voice a little.” Costia sounds unsure about this; her friend wasn’t much informed of Lexa and Clarke’s relationship. She had been seeing tweets and she’d get Lexa to talk sometimes, but she still didn’t really know Clarke at all. They had never once spoken, nor did Costia or Clarke follow each other.

“She’s not asking me to do it. She doesn’t even know. I haven’t talked to her for about three days.” Lexa huffs a moment as she clicks through the website, filling in the necessary information for the first gift as she listens to Costia breathe on the other line.

“Wait, because you raised your voice? Lexa that’s silly.” Costia’s voice does a squeaky high pitched thing when she slightly disagrees with her on matters, and that was clear in this moment as it raised a little bit and made Lexa flinch at the sound.

“You know if I wanted Anya’s opinion I would have called Anya.” She tells her friend with a slight amount of sass as Costia scoffs in her ear.

“Alright, alright, sassy.” Costia sighs into her ear heavily. “Well what’s the plan than? How do you know this will even work? What if she opens the box before you call her? What if she doesn’t get it, what if she decides not to touch it at all because she doesn’t know where it came from?” Costia is throwing scenarios at Lexa that she had already been thinking about, but there really wasn’t anything she could do about those situations. If they happened they happened. She was doing this either way; she could only hope that it worked out right.

“You’re making me anxious.” Lexa replies after a moment.

“Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just saying I think it’s… I don’t think you have to do this. Just tell her you’re sorry for yelling but the subject is not something you really like talking about.” Costia gives her best advice, she always does and Lexa always appreciates it. She always appreciates that Costia never presses her on the matter of Ontari, but she also knows that the onetime Costia had tried she hadn’t spoken to her for a week afterwards, so maybe Anya is right about that too.

She hates it when Anya’s right.

“I don’t think sorry works after ignoring her for three days.” Lexa lets out a slow sigh as she thinks about how annoyingly hard it’s been to not talk to Clarke at all. It had become a habit, she opens her eyes and grabs her phone to read Clarke’s message or give her one to wake up to. She talks to her as long as possible, even avoiding sleep in the process. Not spending her days like that have been sluggish and miserable and like they’re full of emptiness she hadn’t realized had been there before she ever met Clarke.

She has to make this up to her because she’s tired of spending her days like this. “Why were you doing that in the first place?” Costia inevitably asks and Lexa knew she would.

“Because I suck at relationships and I thought she needed space from me.” Lexa explains, knowing it’s not a worthy or good explanation, which is why she needs this gesture, so Clarke forgives her and maybe understands her better because she knows how very hard it probably is to even understand what happened that night.

“Yeah, this song here on her page says she needs space.” Costia says sarcastically, and despite how miserable Lexa is feeling in this very moment, she manages a soft laugh anyways.

“Shut up I know that.” Lexa chuckles just as Costia is sighing softly in her ear.

“Okay, well. Explain your plan to me.” She says in a soft supportive voice.

Lexa launches into a full blown explanation of what she plans on doing. She’s just typing in her credit card information when she finishes and is setting up the package to make its way to Clarke’s house. “But none of that will work if she doesn’t answer the video call so hopefully she does.”

“Jesus, you’re better at this relationship stuff than you think you are. I wish I was dating you.” Lexa snorts and checks the email as she confirms her purchase for both packages.

“So you think it’s a good plan than?” Lexa asks hopefully, shoving her free hand through her hair as she awaits Costia’s obvious answer nervously.

“Good? Lexa if she doesn’t want to marry you after this she’s crazy.” Lexa hopes Costia really is right about this.

****

***

 

**Badasstark:** CLARKE!!! Why didn’t you tell me you and Lexa were dating now???

**Badasstark:** I had to find out from raven wth!

These were the messages Clarke woke up to. These were the message Clarke didn’t want to wake up to. Especially at 3 o’clock in the morning after she’s spent most of her day just lying in bed or painting.

**LGBTemison:** it’s 3am Octavia

**Badasstark:** that’s not important

**Badasstark** : you are Dating Lexa and you didn’t tell me. Your best friend.

**LGBTemison** : were not dating....at least I don’t think we are.

Clarke sighed; she really wished Octavia hadn’t picked this time to talk about her relationship with Lexa, or lack thereof.

**Badasstark** : explain!

**LGBTemison** : I confessed. We have a mutual liking for each other. Then we got into a fight? Idek if it was a fight. She was frustrated and yelled but I guess maybe I pushed her.

The more she sat and thought about it, the more she realized that maybe she pushed Lexa to talk about something she didn’t want to. She should have let Lexa tell her on her own terms. But she was worried about her. She hates the fact that Lexa has to go to school every day and face someone who seems to make her life hell.

**Badasstark** : what happened?

**LGBTemison** : Ontari tripped Lexa during practice and now her leg is messed up.. I was concerned and she was already frustrated. Idk. It’s kinda confusing. She yelled. I hung up. I haven’t talked to her in a couple days.

**Badasstark** : have you tried talking to her?

No of course she hadn’t. Lexa was the one in the wrong here not her. Lexa should be the one to make the first move. Right? It’s not like Clarke’s actively avoiding the girl. She would take her phone call or reply to her text but there hasn’t been any. Her phone has been strangely silent as of late.

Clarke exited out of the twitter app swiping over to get messaging icon. Her thumb hovered over Lexa’s name. She could text her something simple. “I miss you” “I hope your leg is feeling better” “I’m sorry” anything to stop this silence between them. But Clarke’s pride got the best of her and she locked her phone throwing it back on the nightstand.

 

***

 

Lexa takes in a deep breath, adjusting the necklace under her shirt and checking over her appearance one more time. Hopefully this works, hopefully Clarke forgives her, hopefully she picks up the video call because if she doesn’t, that’ll mess up the entire plan.

Lexa sits down at her desk chair and makes sure the curtain on the window is open just enough to shine light in the right spot. She presses Clarke name and watches as the video call sets up. Her hands start to shake a little but she takes in a deep breath and wills her nerves away. She can do this, Clarke will forgive her, and everything is going to be just fine. _It’s going to be fine._

The moment Clarke’s face lights up her screen she feels a rush of relief flood her chest. Clarke took her call, that’s one step. She’s just about to open her mouth and start the process when Clarke seems to beat her to the punch.

“What the hell Lexa?” Lexa goes to interrupt her, but Clarke continues on anyways. “You know, I was just concerned about you. I really like you and how you’ve been treating me this past week is not fair, I put my heart out there and you just,”

“Clarke,” Lexa tries but Clarke’s face is kind of red and her eyebrows are furrowed in this way they get when she’s really quite angry about something. That makes Lexa’s stomach twist unpleasantly but she pushes that worry aside. She has to focus on the plan, the plan will fix this. _It’ll be fine._

“What? Lexa you hurt me. I thought this was going somewhere, and I’m sorry if I seemed to of crossed a line, I didn’t mean to but you should have just told me that,”

“You got a package right?” Lexa talks loudly over Clarke, watching as the girl’s mouth snaps shut and stares at her curiously, one eyebrow rising. She still looks angry, she looks entirely fed up and Lexa knows that’s her fault. She just hopes Clarke will let her make it up to her because all Lexa really cares about is her.

“What?” The blonde snaps.

“A package, you got one in the mail today right?” She asks again as Clarke looks behind her, perhaps at the package, wherever she had set it, which is a good sign she hadn’t opened it which was a relief to Lexa.

“What does that…? Yes I did but I don’t see how,”

“Did you open it yet?” Lexa interrupts again, not giving Clarke a chance to go off of the tangent she seems to not be letting go off. She just has to get this process started and then Clarke will understand.

“Lexa,”

“Did you open it?” Lexa asks again, more stern. Clarke shuts up, studies her for a second before she releases a long heavy sigh that can maybe be seen as defeat.

She slumps back against the chair she’s sitting in. “No I haven’t opened it.”

“Go get it and please open it and listen to what I have to say okay?” Clarke eyes her for a second, unsure of what Lexa has planned before she disappears away from the camera and seems to get the package. Lexa watches as she sits back down in front of the camera with the small box and a pair of scissors.

She doesn’t start talking until Clarke is opening the scissors to cut through the tape. “Clarke, I’m really sorry for yelling the other day. I’m not exactly the best when it comes to explaining how I’m feeling and I do not like situations that make me feel weak. Sometimes my emotions get the better of me. I’m also sorry that I didn’t apologize right away, I should have, but I’m not very good at understanding what the right thing to do in situations like these are and I thought maybe you needed space from me so I tried to give it to you. I didn’t realize that wasn’t the right decision until it was too late.” Lexa smiles softly at Clarke as the blonde glances up to her. She’s stopped opening the package for a moment but then goes back to it.

Clarke finishes cutting off the tape and glances up at the camera again but she doesn’t say anything and Lexa is grateful for that. She’s not done. “I wanted to make it up to you the right way. Because you think of songs and you draw me all the time and you just say what’s on your mind and I know I’m not very good at it and sometimes I don’t think you really know how much I have come to care about you because I haven’t been able to explain it properly. I still don’t know if I am, so I thought instead of explaining myself I would find some other way to let you know how I feel a bit better.” Lexa’s hands are tightly folded together in her lap as she stares at the blonde, unraveling the package that she had sent her. Her heart is racing, hoping she will appreciate this gift because this is all she’s got right now. She isn’t sure what else she’ll do after this if Clarke doesn’t forgive her.

Clarke pulls the package from the box and unravels it, another small nice box comes out and she pulls the lid open to see what’s inside. “I bought these um, necklaces and I was hoping you would like it,” Lexa reaches under her shirt and pulls out her own, a small C shaped letter with a little diamond next to it and she shows it to the camera so Clarke can see it as well.

She doesn’t know what the blonde is thinking but she hasn’t interrupted yet so that must be a good sign. “I thought that if we had something like this, on off days, and on bad days, when I’m being unreasonable, or you hang up on me we can look at this and even when we feel like we’re a whole planet away from each other this somehow lets us know that we’re not really away from each other at all.”

Clarke stares at her for a long moment in silence. It makes Lexa nervous but she holds off. Clarke runs her fingers over the necklace gently and a small warm and beautiful smile makes its way across her face. Lexa thinks breathing has become incredibly hard in this very moment.

Clarke looks up from the necklace with that smile now directed at Lexa and the brunette knows she must have done something right. “So does this mean I can call you my girlfriend now, because I would really like to do that.” Lexa can’t help her own smile that breaks out across her face, wide and brilliant and it seems to make Clarke even happier.

She nods her head. “Yeah you can.”

“Are you going to go through extreme lengths every time I hang up on you because I need a warning first?” Clarke teases lightly as she clips the necklace around her neck.

“I’ll do my best to inform you ahead of time.” Lexa giggles with Clarke as she watches Clarke adjust the necklace around her neck.

 

***

 

 “So what really happened at that first soccer practice?” Clarke seems to ask a bit hesitantly. She’s got a small raise to her eyebrow that informs Lexa that she really honestly wants to know, but she’s assuming she won’t press it this time. Lexa almost doesn’t want to get into it, talking about it makes her uncomfortable, but she decides that opening up to Clarke more is something she should do, something she might not mind to do if she just tries it.

Lexa ignores the painful turn of her stomach as she takes in a deep breath to find the words to somewhat explain Ontari to Clarke. “It was at the end of practice, Ontari she… doesn’t like it when she doesn’t get to show off a certain amount during practice and she resorts to aggressive methods.” Lexa pushes a hand through her hair and watches Clarke’s eyes as they study her a moment, a look crosses her face that Lexa can’t read and she isn’t completely sure what the blonde is thinking.

“That’s messed up.” Clarke’s tone is rough, but Lexa thinks she kind of likes the sound of it.

“Yeah, so she wanted the ball so she took it, and now I’m probably not going to be able to play the first game.” Lexa huffs a little, the frustration of the situation squeezing its way out of her as Clarke watches her a moment.

“Is your first game soon?” She asks with her voice so much more gentle than it had been only a moment ago. Lexa thinks she likes that voice as well.

“Yeah the first weekend of thanksgiving break.” Lexa fiddles with the necklace around her neck absentmindedly as she thinks of not being able to play. Before it had been easier to tell herself that she didn’t care so much, that it’s just a sprain so it’ll heal quickly and she’ll be able to play the next game or the week after that.

But Anya is right, again, this is the first game of the year, it would be her first game as captain, and she’s probably going to have to sit it out because of that girl. “That’s really soon.” Clarke looks over at her calendar as if it’ll tell her the exact day. “That’s this weekend.”

“I know. There’s no way I’m going to be able to play.” Lexa pouts a bit and Clarke smiles at her, making her pout disappear almost immediately. Just looking at Clarke always makes her feel better and though her ankle had been throbbing somewhat today, at this moment, she could hardly feel it.

“Poor baby, do you want me to beat her up?” Clarke asks cutely, eyes practically sparkling into Lexa’s.

The brunette’s heart jumps into her mouth for only a moment. “Yeah.” She says almost breathlessly.

“Okay.” Clarke smiles brightly at her and Lexa can’t help but smile as well.

 

 

***

 

“So I was thinking,” Clarke spoke into her phone as she drove home after hanging out at Murphy’s. “Well the weekend of your game is a long weekend.” 

“Yeah...?” Lexa replied. Clarke could hear the confusion in her voice. 

“So, what if I come see you?” 

The line was silent for a moment before, “Come see me?” Lexa questioned. “Like you come here to Polis?” 

“No Lexa I mean set up a jumbotron with FaceTime as you play soccer.” She rolled her eyes. “Of course I mean come to Polis. It’s your first official game. I want to be there.” 

“Clarke,” Lexa started. “I don’t even know if I will be playing.” 

“Well then I’ll stare at your cute ass sitting on the bench all night.” 

 

 

“I can catch a flight Friday after school and be there by the time you get out.” Clarke and Lexa had been looking up flights all night. After Clarke had talked Lexa into letting her come to watch her play, (sit on a bench), assuring her that she wanted to be there and that it wouldn’t cost too much. 

“Anya and I could get you from the airport if we skip last period.” 

Clarke gasped, “Straight A Lexa is going to skip a class?” She cracked a smile. “How scandalous of her.” 

“To see her girlfriend, I think she can make an exception” Lexa winked. 

“Are there any hotels nearby I can stay at?” She questioned as she scrolled through the booking website. 

“Hotel?” 

“Well yeah I mean your parents don’t know about me yet?” Clarke wasn’t sure what the protocol was for dating someone you met online. I mean she's yet to tell her parents either but she will...soon. 

“I’m going to tell them.” Lexa assured, “You can stay at my house. We have an extra bedroom if you didn’t want to stay in mine.” 

“Oh I defiantly want to stay in yours cutie.” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows as Lexa’s cheeks turned crimson. 

 

***

 

Lexa walked in trailing behind Anya who made her way to the kitchen first. The school day had carried out long and strenuous and she hadn’t gotten to talk to Clarke for most of it because she was just too busy. That didn’t stop the blonde from sending her texts though, things random about her day that always made Lexa smile.

She’d check them in her spare time but barely get enough time in to actually type a good response that could carry the conversation further. Even when it would frustrate her a little, she’d grab the necklace around her neck and trace the C against her finger and it would remind her, busy days or not, Clarke is always with her.

“Lexa my dear,” her mother comes from around the corner, a big smile on her face to embrace her daughter and Lexa returns the grin, wrapping her arms around her mother and giving her a tight hug until the woman pulls away from her.

“What about me?” Anya pouts slightly, playfully as the woman turns to her and rolls her eyes but that smile still stays across her face as she opens her arms for Anya as well, who eventually hugs her tightly also.

“So what do you girls say we have a movie night? I don’t have to be at the office until the afternoon tomorrow.” Ms. Woods smiles brightly at both girls.

“That would be great.” Anya says immediately.

“Oh, I was,” Lexa looked down at her phone at the plans she had made to FaceTime with Clarke that night. She looked up at her mother who was eyeing her curiously and she let out a soft sigh. “That sounds nice; I have to talk to you about something.” Lexa decides now is as good as time as any to ask and she’s been meaning to ask all weekend, but she had hardly seen her mother and the woman had hardly had time for anything more than a quick hug or kiss on the cheek.

“You do, do you?” Ms. Woods asks in amusement, eyebrows both raising up at her daughter as Anya snorts beside her.

“Yeah, see I have a friend I made online,”

“We’ve met Costia.” Ms. Woods interrupts, grinning brightly at her daughter still.

“Oh it’s not Costia.” Anya snorts and walks past Ms. Woods to find a snack in the kitchen as her mother raises a curious eyebrow at Lexa yet again.

Lexa takes another deep breath in to quell her nerves. “It’s not?”

“No. It’s someone else actually.” Lexa’s fingers fiddle together as she looks down at them and thinks of explain Clarke. She’s afraid to say it’s her girlfriend because she doesn’t know if her mother will let her stay here if she knows that, but she doesn’t want to lie about it either because… Clarke is her girlfriend, her real life actual girlfriend.

“Your mom bought doughnuts!” Anya shouts through the house and Lexa is side tracked for a moment, just a moment and passes her mother into the kitchen to grab a doughnut.

“Wait, Lexa, who are we talking about?” Ms. Woods doesn’t give up so easily, chasing the girls into the kitchen.

“Her name is Clarke and she wanted to come the first weekend of thanksgiving break and I was wondering if she could stay here?”

“You’re always bringing home strays.” Ms. Woods winks at Anya who gasps in fake offense. Hand over her heart as she stares at her in pure horror at her statement. “I’m like your daughter.” She says tragically and Ms. Woods laughs, smiling widely, a smile that’s much similar to Lexa’s when it’s big enough. “Besides, this stray is Lexa’s girlfriend.”

“Anya!” Lexa yells at her friend, having been the one to want to say that to her mother. Anya just shrugs, and focuses in on the doughnut she had grabbed earlier.

“Girlfriend? Woo, honey you didn’t tell me you were dating.” Ms. Woods brushes her fingers through the strands of her daughter’s hair, pushing them behind her ear.

“I-” Lexa bit her lip a moment before releasing it and twisting her fingers together even more so than before. “Yeah I wasn’t, I just… she’s nice.” Lexa fumbles, finding herself hopeless as a small blush rushes its way across her cheekbones.

“Online you say? I mean, I guess that’s how the kids do it nowadays.” She teases lightly and ruffles Lexa’s hair who huffs at the action a bit, immediately bringing her hands up to fix the messy strands.

“So can she come?” Lexa asks meekly.

“Of course she can, I would like to meet this girl my daughter decided is good enough for her to date.” She winks at her daughter as Anya laughs at the stool she had taken a seat on, stuffing her face with doughnut. “She has to stay in the guest bedroom though, no funny business, I know how teenagers are, I was one once.” She points at her daughter whose cheeks turn a brief shade of red at the thought of “funny business” and her mother ever being involved with it.

“Thanks mom.” She hugs her mother briefly again before grabbing a doughnut and taking a seat next to Anya.

“Now, what movies are we watching?” Ms. Woods asks, effectively moving the conversation forward. Lexa will give Clarke the good news later.

 

***

 

Clarke was drawing Lexa as the other girl sat on her bed mindlessly scrolling on her phone. They were sitting in silence just happy to be talking to each other again. Happy to have put a label on what they were.

Well it was silent until both their phones had started to chime. They exchanged smiles as Clarke said “Raven” with a roll of her eyes.

**spacehastings:** college apps are driving me insane. We’ve only been in school a few months and already were being worked like dogs.

**Badasstark:** where is everyone thinking of applying?

**LGBTemison:** there’s an art school in New York but there’s a fat chance ill actually get in so I’m applying to the school here as well.

“You’re applying to New York?” Clarke looked up from her phone at the question.

She shrugged, “I mean that’s the plan but it’s very competitive”

Lexa nodded, “I’m applying to New York as well.”

“Really?” Clarke asked way more interested in this conversation now.

“Yeah,” Lexa shrugged, “they have a college with a great photography program and I can get a full ride playing soccer.”

“That sounds amazing babe.” Clarke didn’t notice the way Lexa’s cheeks turned red but she did notice the way the term rolled off her tongue naturally.

**LGBTemison:** Lex is trying for New York as well.

**spacehastings:** Since when do you speak for Lexa?

**LGBTemison:** Since i’m skyping her and she’d much rather look at my face than type to you losers.

That response earned her a giggle from her girlfriend. Clarke beamed back at her shrugging. “Am I wrong?” 

“Not at all” Lexa grinned, “You face is better looking than most things in this world.” 

“Charmer,” Clarke stuck her tongue out at the girl. 

 

***

 

Clarke lies down on her bed, phone in her hand. She had been texting Lexa for about her trip to see her but she knew it was getting quite late for her girlfriend.

**Clarke (9:45 P.M.):** lex you should sleep it’s getting late

She glanced over at the clock on her bedside table. The red lights lit up to let her know it was 9:45 P.M. which meant it was 12:45 A.M. for Lexa.

**Lexa (9:46 P.M.):** I'm not tired.

The blonde chuckled. She knew her girlfriend was tired. She had gotten up early for a soccer practice before her first game. Clarke had worried about her but Lexa reported that there were no Ontari occurrences.

Clarke exited the text chat and went to FaceTime app. She clicked on Lexa’s name. Soon the brunette’s face filled the screen.

"Hi" Lexa whispered, she was lying down on the bed covers up to her chin.

"Hey cutie" Clarke smiled back at the image. "Someone looks tired to me." she teased.

Lexa put on her grumpy face, Clarke just found it adorable. "Clarke I said I'm not tired." Her body betrayed her though as she yawned mid-sentence. "Besides I rather talk to you."

Clarke gave her a knowing look, “can’t have my little soccer star tired.”

Lexa’s face turned red like it often did when Clarke made off hand comments like that. “I’ll text you in the morning?”

“I’ll be looking forward to it.” Clarke winked before wishing a “goodnight cutie” and locking her phone.

 

***

 

            The brunette huffed through page after page of her portfolio. She has yet to find the right pictures to replace the ones Ontari had ruined and each page sits missing something to make it shine just right. It’s not perfect, and it has to be if she wants to get into the colleges she’s been looking at. Of course, scouts will be all over her this year, but she thinks it would kind of be something else to get into a college she really loves just based off her skill as a photographer alone.

To do that, this portfolio has to be filled with the best photos she’s ever taken in her life. She had to figure out which photos are missing because right now as she sits, with applications to three different schools open, she’s looking at a total disaster. There’s something missing, something major, something that feels like it could make or break her chances and she can’t send out her applications tell she’s fixed it.

She places a few ruined photos next to the sets that each photo was supposed to go with. But even with the perfect shot there was something missing, like the one she had taken on top of the building that other night, there’s something in it missing, even though at the time that photo had almost felt perfect the moment she saw it. Now as she looked at it, crumpled with a small hole at the corner of it, something about it felt entirely off, like the subject of the photo was all wrong.

_What am I missing?_

She huffed heavily and flung her portfolio shut, grabbing her phone and calling Clarke. She listened to it ring a few times before the blonde actually picked up with a nice cheery “hello cutie” on her end that immediately relaxes Lexa.

“There’s something missing in my photos.” Lexa says immediately to get it off her chest and because talking to Clarke about anything makes her feel better, she feels more reasonable, less worried. Really, she doesn’t have to talk at all about her problems, she could just listen to Clarke talk and she’d already feel better.

“Oh?”

“Something’s not right Clarke.” She flips her portfolio back open but grows annoyed looking at it again, so shuts it before she can glance at it too much. She can hear Clarke breathe through the phone and for a moment she imagines what it would be like to be right next to her, to feel her breath actually on her ear, to feel her touch on her arm, to hear her laugh right there, to see her.

“I’m sure that’s not the case, you’re probably just feeling the pressure. I’ve seen your photos Lexa, they’re always amazing.” Clarke tells her encouragingly, because of course she would. Clarke is always supportive of her; always sweet when she is lifting her up and Lexa thinks she must have done something right to ever have found her in the first place.

“Yeah but they’re not amazing enough. Like I’ve been taking photos of the wrong thing for this whole portfolio since ninth grade.” Lexa rushes a hand through her hair and pushes the strands back through her fingers. The moment her hand leaves her hair, the curly strands move back into place as if she never touched them at all.

“You’ve been working on this since ninth grade?” Clarke asks as if she’s shocked by that bit of information. Lexa doesn’t realize why it would be, most of her life since middle school had been all about photography, so of course she had been working on it for so long. But Clarke wouldn’t know that, they haven’t really talked about that.

“Yeah.” She says heavily as she glares down at the portfolio.

“Jesus, I wasn’t even thinking of college in ninth grade, I was just thinking about how much cooler I was going to be as a high-schooler.”

“I never thought I would ever be cool. Except maybe when I’m taking photos.” Lexa’s fingers played with the edge of the portfolio file as she thought back through the first year of high school, which hadn’t been great.

“You’re the captain of the soccer team. Of course you’re cool.” Clarke brightens up and Lexa smiles a little.

“Captain of the soccer team who’s benched for her first game.” She tells her because even the thought of that has her pouting a bit, it’s been nagging at the back of her mind for a few days, that she won’t get to play her first game. She wonders why such a simple thing is annoying her so much but she isn’t always interested in thinking about things that upset her so she normally pushes those thoughts out of her head.

“Well we both know that’s not your fault and if I see that girl when I come, I swear I’ll punch her.” Clarke informs her with a confident tone to her voice that makes a small chuckle escape from Lexa’s throat. She leans her head back on the chair as her eyes glance at the ceiling and for a moment she imagines what Clarke would look like saying that, she imagines what she would smell like if she were sitting close to her, what her lips would feel like on her own and her stomach flips a little.

“No, don’t do that.” Lexa chuckles. “Though it would be kind of funny to see.” She smiles wider as Clarke laughs.

“Just relax about your photos Lex, you’re amazing, everything you photograph is amazing. I believe in you.” She tells her sweetly, her voice warm and soothing and that perfect rasp that makes Lexa’s insides turn in that pleasant way that she doesn’t always understand. She wishes in this moment, that she could touch her.

“That’s all that matters.” Lexa smiles as Clarke giggles into her ear again. “You’re beautiful.” She informs truthfully and takes pride in the small intake of breath she hears Clarke take in as she comprehends what Lexa had said to her.

“Shush.” She mutters cutely and Lexa wonders if for a moment she might be blushing.

_That would be so stunning to photograph._

 

***

 

Clarke sat at the breakfast bar in her house waiting on her dad to finish cooking his famous Sunday pancakes. Her phone buzzed with a text, she quickly picked it up seeing a text from Lexa. She smiled as she read it. They had been going back and forth since 10 A.M. it was now 12 P.M. Lexa had soccer practice in a few minutes and she sent Clarke a picture of her goofily smiling into the camera decked out in her uniform.

**Clarke (12:02 P.M.)** : well isn't someone adorable this morning (;

Clarke saved the picture before locking her phone once more, setting it back down on the bar. When she looked up her dad was giving her a weird look. "What?" She asked.

Jake shook his head and went back to his pancakes that were still cooking, "Nothing, just wondering whose got you rather smiley this morning is all" He flipped the pancake over before looking back over his shoulder at Clarke, who was back on her phone once more.

"Huh? Oh Lexa." Clarke answered somewhat distracted. "Girlfriend." when she heard the sound of a cooking pan hit the top of the stove she looked up. She was met with stares from both of her parents. Apparently her mother had walked in as soon as she answered. That was one way to drop the girlfriend bomb on them.

"Honey I'm sorry we thought you said girlfriend." her mother, Abby, had responded after she seemed to recover from her shock.

The blonde daughter looked back at her mom confused, "Because I did" she slowly asked. "You guys know I'm bi..." Clarke’s phone vibrated in her hand but she ignored it.

Jake cleared his voice, loading the pancakes up on a plate walking over to the breakfast bar and setting them in the middle of the bar. "Of course we do kiddo, we were just in shock. You've never mentioned any girl before. Just caught us of guard." He offered his daughter a smile.

Clarke slowly nodded, reaching for some pancakes. "Oh okay...” she was still confused by their reaction but she supposed it could have been worse. “Well, she's not from here. She lives in Washington D.C."

Sitting down next to her daughter, Abby asked, "How did you meet her?” Her mother seemed genuinely interested.

"Twitter." the younger blonde answered like it was no big deal. "This is her." she unlocked her phone to show her mom her lock screen, which consisted of a photo of Lexa leaning against a gray wall and simply wearing a beanie and smiling.

"She sure is a looker kiddo" Jake commented after looking at the photo. Clarke blushed, smiling down at her phone. 

“She has this really important soccer game coming up” Clarke started as she took a fork full of pancake. “And I wanted to go see her play.” 

Abby looked to be in deep thought, “When is it?”

“Next weekend.” 

“That’s kind of soon” Jake was the one to answer now, “Flights are going to be tough to get.” 

“Well, I kind of already looked up flights and they have really decent ones.” Clarke supplied hopefully.

The next few moments made Clarke’s heart beat wildly as her parents had one of those weird silent conversations. 

“Alright, you can go.” Abby said, “But you are required to check in with us daily.” 

“Yes, yes anytime!” Clarke said enthusiastically nodding her head. “Thank you, thank you.”

 

***

 

“Favorite memory?” Clarke asked Lexa as they both sat in their expected rooms on Skype.

Lexa looked in thought for a moment before a smile broke out on her face, “Okay so Anya and I were about 12 when she convinced me she could walk the fence in the backyard”

“Did she?”

“No, she ended up falling and broke her arm” Lexa shook her head laughing. “She was so mad after because she swore she could do it.”

Clarke chuckled, she could picture the girl pissed off. “Clarke?”

Clarke turned towards her door where her mother stood. “Could I talk to you for a moment?”

Nodding Clarke turned to her laptop, “I’ll call you back.” after receiving a nod from Lexa she closed her laptop, turning to her mom.

“Your father and I have made all the arrangements for you next weekend.”  Abby said.

“Thank you mom.” Clarke stood to hug her mother.

“Just be careful yeah?” Clarke nodded with a little roll of her eyes.


	8. chapter eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longest chapter yet and it's Eliza's birthday!! So happy birthday to the most amazing person ever and here's a present that you guys get on this day.

Clarke (8:45A.M.): I get to see you today!

Lexa (8:46A.M.): and I get to hold you today (:

Lexa (8:46A.M.): I’m never going to let you go.

Clarke was grinning ear to ear as her dad’s car pulled up to the terminal gate. Jumping out of the passenger seat, she grabbed her book bag and her duffle bag.

“Give your old man a hug kiddo.” Jake said as he rounded the car pulling Clarke into a hug. “Text us when you get there.”

“I will” Clarke said returning the hug.

“Have fun, miss and love you.” Jake called as he stepped back.

“Miss and love you too.” she called back as she grabbed her bags and made her way inside the airport.

It didn’t take her long to get through security and find her gate. Once she sat down in the waiting area she pulled her phone out. It was a little past nine, which meant that Lexa would be at lunch now. Dialing her number, Clarke waited for the other girl to answer.

“Hey.” Lexa’s soft voice filled Clarke’s ears.

“Hey cutie” Clarke greeted back. “Five hours.”

“Five hours.” Lexa sighed. “I’ll be there waiting for you.”

“I can’t wait.” Clarke answered as she glanced around the busy airport. She had about an hour before her plane was scheduled to leave. “Four whole days with you. Am I dreaming?”

Lexa chuckled softly, “I can’t wait to kiss you.” she admitted.

The conversation went on like that for another 30 minutes till Lexa had to go to class and Clarke had to board her flight. After a quick goodbye and an “I’ll see you later”, Clarke was in the air on her way to Lexa.

 

***

 

“Would you wait up, you can’t even drive.” Anya called after he best friend, who, though was limping, was practically running her way to Anya’s car, as if getting there faster will get them to the airport faster and that will somehow make Clarke land sooner.

“If I could I would leave you here because you’re slow as fuck.” Lexa was ignoring the pain in her ankle when she walked too fast. Her heart rate had already picked up to abnormal, and mind completely occupied with the fact that she would be seeing her girlfriend, would be able to touch her and breathe in her scent and fall asleep in her arms. She was too excited to care about the pain in her ankle, the fact that she wouldn’t be able to play her first game, or even that Anya was the one that had to drive her to the airport.

All she could think about was the fact that she was going to get to see Clarke.

“She hasn’t even landed yet.” Anya grunts as she catches up with her over-excited friend, grabbing her arm so she slows down. “Mind your ankle dumbass.” Anya rolls her eyes as Lexa glares at her, though it’s unthreatening and almost not a glare at all because the smile on her face is nearly impossible to get rid of.

“My ankle is fine.” She states firmly, not even wincing as it aches

“Walk slower otherwise we’ll end up at the hospital and you won’t be able to pick anyone up.”

“You sound like my mother.”

“She wears off on me.” Anya grabs the passenger door of her car and opens it for Lexa. She shuts it after her friend has slide inside the vehicle. Lexa tosses her backpack in the back and clips the seatbelt across herself, the excitement she was feeling had increased even more so, plastering a smile on her lips so wide it’s almost not natural just as Anya is climbing into the driver’s seat.

“I’m so nervous.” She admits, letting out a heavy breath as she watches Anya buckle herself in and start her car.

“Don’t be, it’s going to be easy.” She shrugs and begins to back out of her parking space.

Lexa looks out her window as Anya is backing up. “You think?” She asks with uncertainty to her voice. Despite her excitement, she couldn’t help the nervousness she also felt, almost worried that things would be weirder when they were in person, that they would for some reason not get along or Lexa would be too awkward or not what Clarke is expecting and be disappointed.

“Yes, I mean, you talk to her every chance you get, the only difference now is she’ll actually be here and not behind a camera or something.” Anya shrugs logically.

Lexa’s smile returns full force as her mind wanders to the images in her head of being able to hold Clarkes hand and hug her and kiss her. “That will be nice.” She admits almost in that deep cliché love sigh that she can’t seem to hold back.

“Are we taking her to the café or that one fancy place up the hill?” Anya asks as she pulls out of the parking lot and onto the main street. Lexa taps her fingers against her knee as they begin descending down the road and her nerves pick up a bit more again. She hopes that things will go smoothly, that Clarke will still be proud of her even when she can’t play the game, that Clarke will have fun and enjoy being with her despite the fact that she finds herself mostly lame.

She hopes Clarke will let her take her picture.

“The café, no offense, but I don’t want you there when I take her up the hill.” Lexa informs her friend, shrugging slightly as Anya glances over at her with a slight smile.

“Of course you don’t.” Anya chuckles and makes a right turn.

“You’re going to be on your best behavior right?” Lexa asks after a moment of quiet as they pass trees and multiple buildings they pass every day. Anya doesn’t say anything for a moment but the smile on her face does seem to grow a bit at that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asks after a moment and Lexa releases a soft huff.

“It means you aren’t going to embarrass me, and you aren’t going to be over-protective.” She states rather than asks.

“Embarrassing you is my job.” She teases but Lexa only rolls her eyes.

“Anya,” She says warningly and the girl holds up one hand as if to surrender while her other stays on the wheel.

“Okay, okay, whatever.” She offers and Lexa lets out another breath, relaxing in her seat.

“I’m serious, best behavior. You’re not going to scare Clarke away with that weird glare thing you do.” She turns her head to the side to look at her friend again and watches as Anya begins to pout in her seat.

“I do not do a weird glare thing.” She says defensively, eyes still on the road.

“You do.” Lexa tells her.

Anya’s pout increases. “I will turn this car around.” She says dramatically.

“If you want to die.” Lexa replies just as dramatically.

“You talk big for a girl with a sprained ankle.” Anya sasses only to have Lexa mimic her in a high pitch tone and make a face, making the girl cackle in her seat. “Five years old.” Anya teases with an easy smile on her face.

 

***

 

The first thing Clarke did when she stepped off the plane was text Lexa that she had arrived. Her feet couldn’t carry her to the pickup area fast enough. It seemed like the hallways were never ending until finally she was turning the last corner and she saw her. She never knew she’d be one of those people that would run to meet someone in an airport but with Lexa a lot of things were different.

Clarke’s body came crashing into Lexa’s as she let out a sigh of relief. “You’re real.” she said burying her face into the girl’s neck, her arms wound tightly around her.

“I’m real.” she heard Lexa breathe out, the girl holding onto her as if she’d disappear.

They stood there for some time just wrapped up in each other. Finally Lexa was the one to pull back first.

 

***

 

“The café?” Anya asks in the mirror, meeting Lexa’s eye line as she buckles herself in. She nods her head and Anya starts the car up, the passenger seat vacant besides Lexa’s backpack beside her as both Lexa and Clarke opted to sit in the back so that they could be right next to each other.

“What café?” Clarke asks curiously. Lexa watches the slight raise of one of her eyebrows as she questions their location and she feels her heart race a bit faster. Something about Clarke has always been so very stunning, but it’s even more overwhelming being next to her. Her hands twitch as if to reach for her camera but she remembers where she left it on her nightstand this morning, barely thinking about it as she rushed through her routine as if that would make the day pass by faster. That had been a terrible decision; she should have picked it up.

“We’re taking you to eat.” Lexa eventually answers after a long pause. Anya seemed to be waiting for Lexa to tell her and Lexa was far too wrapped up in Clarke’s beauty to really notice that she had even asked a question, let alone that she was actually looking at Lexa for the answer.

“Woo food.” Clarke’s eyes move over Lexa’s face for a fraction longer than normal before she looks away again, down at her hands as they tangle against the fabric of her sweater. She is so pretty and aesthetically striking; Lexa could have thirty photos by now that would be absolutely perfect.

Clarke is perfect.

A loud huff leaves her before she can stop it. “Can I hold your hand?” Lexa asks after a moment. For some reason unknown to Lexa, this seems to make Clarke smile widely, her eyes twinkling into Lexa’s as she nods her head, reaching her hand over and intertwining her fingers with Lexa’s.

Lexa has never wanted to photograph someone so badly in her life; she has no idea why she didn’t think of bringing her camera today. “You don’t have to ask silly.” Her thumb brushes Lexa’s skin and the brunette feels her heart skip a slight beat, stuttering unhelpfully in her chest as she glances over at Clarke, who’s smile is still there as she looks out the window.

She’s itching for a camera, because the wind coming in from Anya’s window being rolled down is blowing just perfectly in Clarke’s hair, and her smile is wide and perfect and so beautiful it makes Lexa’s heart ache. Her eyes are blue, like the sky and they have a twinkle in them like they also hold the sun.

Lexa squeezes Clarke’s palm and the blonde returns the touch, though her eyes seem to be examining the busy streets and buildings passing by her window. Lexa can only stare, trying her hardest to imprint this image of Clarke in her memory, because she had been stupid and left her camera. So stupid, why didn’t she think about this possibility, about being right next to this girl she’s absolutely crazy about and how badly she’d want to capture her every waking moment.

“Clarke.” Lexa says after a moment and the blonde seems to break from whatever thoughts were in her head so that she can meet Lexa’s eyes again, they’re still twinkling, still so full of her smile that Lexa’s heart jumps into her mouth just looking into them.

“Yes Lexa?” She asks cutely after the silence had extended longer than necessary again and Lexa had been distracted just looking at her.

“I would really like to take your photograph.” She says to her and that seems to only make Clarke smile even wider.

“Where’s your camera?” Her thumb brushes across Lexa’s skin again and she feels a tingle spark in her chest.

“I left it.” Lexa pouts slightly, entirely unhappy with herself and tries to scoot a bit closer to Clarke, though her seatbelt seems to be somewhat in the way.

“That’s okay; you can take pictures when we get back to your house?” Clarke tries to reason, a slight rise of her eyebrow with an amused smile on her lips that Lexa’s eyes follow the moment it arrives there.

“I want to take them now.” Lexa grumbles with her eyes further examining different features of Clarke that she swears she couldn’t have noticed on camera before. Her lips look soft and her hair shines.

“You’re just going to have to wait aren’t you?” Clarke seems to tease lightly and leans in closer to Lexa as well, seeming to try and resist her seatbelt in much the same way. Lexa wants to kiss her but she doesn’t think the backseat of Anya’s car is the right place for that. Instead she settles with resting her head on the back of the seat and gazing at Clarke as the blonde seems to gaze at her in the same way.

“Torture, you look so beautiful.” Lexa tells her and admires the soft blush that makes its way onto Clarke’s cheeks, tinting the color a dark pink. She itches to trace the color with her fingers as if to staple it in her memory forever.

 

 

The café was quiet for a Friday. Normally at this time after school it was overrun and Anya and Lexa often avoided it, mostly for Lexa’s sake as she was never comfortable with being near so many people at one time.

Clarke had elected for chicken strips rather than the burger that Anya had recommended. Lexa just got some fries and all three girls had sat for a while, talking back and forth, Anya getting to know Clarke a bit better, Lexa just enjoying the sound of Clarke’s voice and being able to brush her thigh against Clarke’s.

At some point in the evening Anya had trailed away from them to go and greet some of her friends that had just walked in and left them alone at the table. Lexa had for a moment been worried that things would get too quiet or awkward, but Clarke had only seemed to take advantage of the new found alone time, scooting into Lexa so their sides were touching fully instead of just briefly.

She seemed to abandon her food and found Lexa apparently more interesting as her left hand reached and grabbed Lexa’s write so their hands would be pressed together again while the blonde twines her fingers with the brunette’s. “It’s so nice to be here with you.” Clarke tells her quietly, as if it’s a secret or a conversation she wants only Lexa to hear.

It takes her a moment to respond as her eyes follow the soft smile on Clarke’s face, some of the nerves, though still there, fading a bit as she squeezes Clarke’s palm in her own. “It’s nice to hold your hand.” Lexa reached with her free hand and brushed her fingertips through the soft strands of Clarke’s blonde hair. “Too touch you.” She says just as quietly and Clarke seems to smile even softer, if that was even possible.

“Am I going to meet your mom tonight?” Clarke asks with her tone sounding a bit nervous. Lexa can’t help but smile at her, her heart expanding just a bit as she watches the shift in Clarke’s features as she asks the question.

“No, she’s working; I don’t think you’ll meet her probably until Sunday.” She explains and watches as the blonde nods, turning away from her a moment as she seems to process this information.

“So she won’t even be home to keep me out of your room.” Clarke smiles widely and Lexa feels a soft chuckle leave her as she nods her head in confirmation. “What about your dad?” She asks and Lexa furrows her eyebrows as she thinks about it.

“You would have met him tomorrow but he can’t make the game because he’s involved in a really taxing case.” Lexa shrugs as Clarke seems to watch her closely after the information leaves her. She looks away from the blonde, sipping at her drink as if to distract herself from the slight disappointment it causes but Clarke seems to catch it before it’s even gone.

“It’s your first game, he should be there.” Clarke says with a slight edge to her tone that has Lexa looking at her again.

“I’m not even playing so it’s okay.”

“You’re still the captain.” Clarke sighed a little. “And you’re going to do amazing tomorrow and I’m sorry he’s missing it.”

“At least you aren’t.”

“Not even if the plane crashed could it stop me.”

“Don’t joke about that when you still have to get on one to go home.” They both chuckled a bit, Clarke getting distracted with her own drink as well, reaching for a fry on her plate as Lexa watched her. She sipped at her drink and Lexa watched as she gulped it, apparently changing her mind about the fry and throwing it back on her plate. “Clarke?” Lexa asked gently, the blonde turning to look at her in the next moment.

“Yes,” She answers with softness in her gaze that Lexa isn’t used to being looked at with.

Lexa’s eyes move to the blonde’s lips, to her gentle smile still plastered there and her heart picked up in speed a bit. “Can I kiss you?” She asks nervously and the blonde’s smile only grows wider, Lexa watches it and wants to kiss her even more, snuffing down the overwhelming urge that she also has to take her photograph. She was almost willing to settle for her phone camera, the only reason she hadn’t was because she knew she wouldn’t be satisfied with them, that they wouldn’t capture Clarke just right.

“Lexa, I’m your girlfriend, you can kiss me whenever you want too.” Clarke giggles lightly and Lexa’s heart leaps into her throat. Without much hesitation she leans forward, her free left hand cupping the side of Clarke’s face as she turns her head just right, brushing her nose against Clarke’s. “Hi” Lexa smiles listening to the soft intake of breath Clarke makes when Lexa gets close to her, when she feels Lexa’s breath on her lips.

She waits only one more second before she presses her lips to Clarke’s and savors the softness of them on her own. Clarke had made a soft, very quiet noise and to anyone else it wouldn’t have sounded like anything, but Lexa heard it, flipping her stomach as she kissed Clarke gently.

Clarke kissed her back in much the same way, maybe with a little more force as her hand squeezed Lexa’s. The kiss simple and sweet and not very fast or even deep but it was enough to make Lexa’s hear soar straight out of her chest and into Clarke’s own.

When she did finally part from Clarke, it was only to breathe, resting her forehead against the blonde’s with her eyes still closed as if opening them will somehow ruin this moment, like maybe it’ll wake her up to reveal that she was never kissing Clarke at all. “Lex,” She could feel the puff of Clarke’s breath against her own lips, swelling to their kissing. “That was way better than I imagined it would be.” Clarke whispers softly as if it was a secret just for Lexa to hear, and Lexa smiles against her lips once more.

She opened her eyes and for a second she couldn’t breathe, she didn’t remember how as Clarke’s eyes stared into her own. “I’m going to do that again.” Lexa tells her and Clarke smiles and nods breathing out “you can do that forever” and soon Lexa is kissing her again, barely parting from her except when one needs air, at least until Anya appears back, prying the moment apart so that they can leave for Lexa’s house.

 

 

***

 

Clarke lay in bed trailing her fingers up and down Lexa’s stomach. She loved the way the girl’s muscles rippled under her fingers. She was content to lay here giving Lexa light touches as Game of Thrones played in the background. They were meant to be watching it but at some point Clarke’s hand had made its way under Lexa’s shirt and Lexa watched her girlfriend’s movements with a content smile on her face.

“Where’d you get this scar?” Clarke asked tracing a pale pink line right above Lexa’s hip.

“Summer before tenth grade Anya, Lincoln, and I all went to Lincoln’s lake house up north.” She began to explain. Clarke listened intently. “I refused to get in the water so they thought it’d be a great idea to push me. I panicked midair and grabbed onto the deck. Six stitches later they learned I don’t like water.” Clarke smiled shaking her head.

“I’ve realized most of your injuries involve your friends.”

Lexa frowned, “not all” she whispered. Clarke gave her a funny look. What was she talking about?

She watched as Lexa lifted her shirt to reveal the black bra she was wearing. Clarke frowned her brows still not understanding. Slowly Lexa lifted the end of her bra up to reveal a series of small scars. Clarke’s gasped as she finally understood.

“Lex,” she sighed running her fingers across the fading marks. It made her mad that Lexa felt so much pain that she thought this was the only thing she could do. “What...happened?”

Lexa looked embarrassed, like she was regretting showing her. “Bullies. Parents.” She explained softly as Clarke’s fingers continued to trace the scars. “They were never home much and kids can be cruel.”

Clarke sighed, the scars didn’t look new. They looked like they were fading, less pink. “When?”

Lexa finally made eye contact with the girl, her hand coming to grab Clarke’s forearm. “Middle school.”

Clarke leaned down placing a feather light kiss to Lexa’s past pain.

Lexa stomach muscles rippled and a small gasp could be heard from her. Clarke looked up to check on her girlfriend only to be met with sad eyes. “Do that again.”

So Clarke did, again and again and again. One more on Lexa’s scars, once on her shoulder, her hipbone, her cheek, wrist, until finally landing a sweet kiss on her lips. Her eyes met green and although the girl looked sad she looked relaxed and weightless as well.

“We missed the whole episode.”

Clarke glanced at the laptop screen; “you’re distracting.” she looked back toward Lexa with a smile. The other girl laughed pulling Clarke back in for a kiss. “I like you.” was mumbled against kiss swollen lips.

“I like you too.” was mumbled back before lips claimed lips and the rest of the night was spent sharing kisses and exchanges of “you’re so beautiful.” and “you’ll never be alone again.”

 

***

 

Lexa sighs a bit heavily as her eyes struggle to open. She doesn’t much have the desire to move as Clarke’s arms are securely wrapped around her and Lexa can feel her breath brushing lightly across the skin on her neck as she sleeps. She’s never once in her life woken up and felt so peaceful.

She doesn’t exactly want to move, but her arm is asleep. So eventually she scums to rolling over a bit. The movement, though light, jostles Clarke enough that her eyebrows furrow but she doesn’t exactly wake up yet. At least not until Lexa’s running her fingertips over Clarke’s eyebrow as if she’s attempting to smooth it out.

Clarke’s eyes open slowly, but every time Lexa looks into them she feels like she’s completely fallen. She doesn’t say that, but she does run her fingertips from Clarke’s eyebrow down the side of her face and into the side of her hair, pushing back a tangle of blonde strands behind her ear.

Clarke smiles so softly that Lexa thinks she stops breathing. “Good morning.” She whispers, her voice gentle but croaky. Lexa feels her own smile fighting its way onto her face.

“Hi.” She says quietly and continues a gentle motion through the side of Clarke’s hair. The blonde’s eyes flutter shut, a soft sigh leaving her and she seems to move a bit closer to Lexa, her nose brushing Lexa’s as she seems content with her movements. “Are you hungry?”

“Not yet.” Clarke pulls Lexa’s body back against her own, so Lexa can feel her heart beat and the way her chest raises when she breathes. “Want to stay right here.” She mumbles softly with her eyes still closed, brushing her nose gently against Lexa’s again.

The brunette shivers slightly, but not from cold, her lips pressing gently against the corner of Clarke’s mouth and she can hear the soft intake of breath she makes at the small interaction. “I’m hungry,” Lexa says a bit sheepishly, earning a soft quiet chuckle from the girl beside her.

Clarke’s fingertips brushed through her hair gently. “Okay, what did you have in mind?”

“I’ll make you breakfast, what’s your favorite?” Lexa offers enthusiastically as the blonde’s fingertips continue to gently push through her tangled curly strands, knotted up from sleeping so long.

“How about because today is your big game, you make your favorite?” Clarke says with a raise to her perfect eyebrow. Lexa leans over and presses a kiss against it, just because she can.

“But,”

“No arguing, it’s settled.” Clarke leans over and presses her lips gently against Lexa’s, a kiss that’s chaste and quick, though it never fails to send Lexa’s heart racing uncontrollable in her chest. The sudden urge to not worry about breakfast and just kiss Clarke filled up Lexa’s head as she changes the chaste kiss to something more firm, swallowing the soft noise that leaves Clarke’s throat when her tongue brushes against the girl’s bottom lip.

“Breakfast, Lexa.” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s mouth, making the brunette grumble slightly as the blonde pulled away from her. “You’re hungry.” She says, a soft teasing smile rushing across her mouth that Lexa can’t stop staring at.

“Hold on,” Lexa rolled over, picking up her camera from her side of the bed. She leaned over Clarke who chuckled but stayed where she was as Lexa prepared to take her picture.

“There’s no way I look good enough for this right now.”

“Shut up, you look amazing.” Lexa snaps a photo and then she snaps another, capturing the sunlight in Clarke’s hair and the soft twinkle of her eyes and the gentle upturn of her lips as she stares at Lexa and not at the camera lens.

This photo is definitely going in her portfolio.

 

 

Lexa placed a plate of food in front of Clarke before sliding onto the stool next to her. It was silent at first as Clarke appreciated the food and consumed it, though eventually Clarke was speaking up again to fill up the silence with the soft rasp of her beautiful voice. Lexa thinks she could get used to hearing Clarke talk first thing in the morning. “Where’s Anya?”

“Her room, probably asleep. Weekends she thinks it unnatural to get up before eleven in the morning.” Lexa snorts, cutting into her food and taking a bite off her fork.

“Can’t say I wouldn’t sleep that long if I could.” Clarke chuckles and Lexa seems to laugh with her a moment as they continue to eat their food, Clarke’s leg moving to brush Lexa’s every once in a while, as if waiting too long with too much space is just not something they can tolerate. “What time is your game?” The blonde eventually asks to invade the silence again, even though the silence isn’t uncomfortable at all.

“It starts at five, but we’ll have to leave here around three.” She answers, focusing on her food though her eyes keep straying toward her girlfriend.

“You’re going to win, I know it.” Clarke says eagerly, grinning from ear to ear at Lexa. The brunette’s hand itches for her camera but she had left it upstairs in her bed. She really needs to stop doing that.

“I hope so; we’ve been training really hard, Indra’s even putting in extra practices and adding extra hours to our normal ones. I wish I could play.” Lexa pouts slightly, a small jut to her bottom lip that Clarke’s eyes seem to stray too immediately.

Clarke smiles gently at her, as if to encourage her as she abandons her food and places a palm on her knee, squeezing gently. “Sidelines are not, I’m going to cheer you on all night.”

Lexa leaned over and pressed a kiss to Clarke’s cheek. “Best girlfriend ever.”

“You damn well know it.” Clarke grabbed Lexa’s face and kissed her more firmly on the mouth, distracting Lexa from whatever thoughts she had, had about not being able to play today. It was hard to be disappointed when her girlfriend was here to kiss her at any moment.

They break apart once Anya enters the kitchen with a soft noise of disgust and a “I’m never going to find that cute.”

“You have a plate in the kitchen.” Lexa tells her, knowingly fully well that a fed Anya the moment she wakes up is happy Anya.

“It’s before eleven.” Clarke mumbles to Lexa, though Anya seems to hear her.

“Trust me I know.” She groans, disappearing to get her food.

 

***

 

Clarke lay on Lexa’s plush bed, just watching her girlfriend pace back and forth. Why she was pacing Clarke didn't know but Lexa looked to be in deep thought. This had been going on for the past ten minutes and while Clarke did find nervous? Stressed? Lexa adorable, she really just wanted to cuddle with her.

"Lex... I didn't fly 3000 miles to watch you burn a hole into your floor." Clarke sighed out, but it seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as Lexa didn't stop her motions.

Rolling her eyes Clarke tried again "Lexa," still no response.

After watching Lexa pace, and what appeared to be mumbling to herself, for another minute Clarke swung her legs off the bed, standing up and walking over to Lexa. Grabbing her arm she pulled Lexa towards her, wrapping her arms around her, trapping her from making any more movements.

"Babe....what are you doing?" Clarke questioned, searching Lexa’s face for an answer.

In response, Lexa let her head fall to Clarke’s shoulder snaking her arms around the blonde’s torso.

Clarke brought her hand up letting her fingers tangle in wild curls as her free hand rubbed soothing circles on her girlfriend’s back. "What is it baby?" She asked softly. She hasn't ever seen the green eyed girl act like this before so to say it wasn't a little alarming was an understatement.

Lexa softly mumbled but even with her mouth so close to Clarke’s ear she still couldn't make out the words.

"Can't hear you Lex," Clarke chuckled stroking brown hair.

Sighing Lexa lifted her head up, causing Clarke’s hand to slide out of the brunettes hair and land on the back of her neck. "I said we only have 2 days left." She looked at the shorter girl with such sad eyes.

Knitting her eyebrows, Clarke stroked her thumb over the back side of Lexa’s neck. She didn’t understand why that would cause her girlfriend to pace. "Yeah... but we still have all of today and two more days after that.” she told Lexa in what she hoped was a soft calming voice. Clarke was trying not to think about her impending departure from her girlfriend. She knew it would come but she was happy to live in her little bubble of happiness right now.

Lexa however was not. "Clarke you're not understanding.” she huffed. "We have two more days and then what? How long do we have to wait till next time?" She asked but Clarke didn't answer. She could sense Lexa wasn't done with what she needed to say. "I can't let you leave not knowing when I'll see you again. It isn't fair.” running her fingers through her hair, she broke out of Clarke’s hold.

Clarke wasn't having it though. Lexa looked like she was about to enter full on panic mode and that wasn't going to happen on the girl’s watch. Quickly gathering Lexa back into her arms, Clarke led them to the bed. Gently laying Lexa down, the blonde slid in behind her, wrapping her arms tightly around the distressed girl. "Listen to me, I know this isn't ideal. I hate it as much as you do but I don't want to think about leaving when I am here with you now.” she laced her fingers with Lexa's as if to show her that they were in fact together. "We will pick another date and we will make it happen. I promise you that Lex.”

Feeling wetness fall on her arm, Clarke bit her lip. She hated to see Lexa so upset. "Baby, baby no" she said rolling Lexa on her back. "Hey shhh no tears." the blonde brought her free hand up gently wiping Lexa's tears away. "I promise you I won't let us go more than a few weeks without seeing each other okay?" Clarke stared into the brunette’s eyes willing her to believe her and calm down. It was breaking her heart to see her girlfriend so upset.

Lexa stared at Clarke for a moment before she spoke. "Could we pick a date now?" She asked shyly, her free hand playing with the edge of Clarke’s old sweater, burying her face against her arm.

Clarke smiled, kissing Lexa on the forehead a few times before she rolled over grabbing Lexa’s phone off the nightstand. Opening up the Calendar app, she said "okay, let’s pick a date.”

Lexa smiled wiping her tears away. "I'm free in December.” she answered meekly.

Clarke laughed before answering "December sounds perfect.”

 

***

 

There was something about Lexa in her soccer uniform that made every nerve in Clarke’s body tingle. It could be the way her muscles were on full display or the way once that Jersey came on, Lexa transformed into what Clarke could only describe as commanding. She wasn’t playing this game (Indra’s orders) but she was on the sideline calling drills out to her team. She was nothing short of a leader and Clarke was bursting with pride. 

Clarke sat on the bleachers, a few rows up from where Lexa stood. She wanted to make sure she got a good view even though Lexa insisted that it wouldn’t matter since she wasn’t actually playing. But Clarke shook her head and sat herself, decked out in Lexa’s practice Jersey; proudly wearing the name Woods on her back;  making sure she had a good view. 

The game had started about thirty minutes ago and Clarke had to admit she didn’t really know what was going on but Lexa would throw her a little smile over her shoulder every now and then and it was enough to keep Clarke interested. 

After the first half of the game, Lexa had joined Clarke on the bleachers as her team took a break. 

“Hey cutie.” Clarke greeted. 

“Hey,” Lexa smiles taking a seat. “Enjoying the game?” 

“I’m enjoying the view.” Clarke winked causing Lexa to blush. “You’re all kinds of hot out there bossing everyone around.” 

That earned Clarke a kiss which she happily accepted. 

“How’s your leg?” 

Lexa rotated her ankle a few times, “a bit sore from standing on it so much but nothing bad.” 

“You look kinda hot in my jersey you know.” Lexa purred as her hands snaked around Clarke’s waist. 

Smiling Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s neck. ”Yeah?” 

Lexa nodded, “Mhm in-fact I may let you have it and request you wear it every time we Skype.” 

Chucking Clarke closed the distance between them, mumbling “that can be arranged” against Lexa’s lips before claiming them with her own. 

A whistle blew signaling that it was time for Lexa to get back to her team. Kissing Clarke once more she jumped up making her way back to the field. 

The rest of the game went by the same way. Lexa yelling demands to her teammates while Clarke watched in awe and lust. It wasn’t long till they were making their way back to Anya’s car to go home. 

“Congratulations cutie.” Clarke laced her fingers with Lexa’s as they walked towards the car. 

“I didn’t even play Clarke.” 

Clarke smiled shaking her head, “still lead them to victory.” 

“Hurry up Juliets” Anya called from the driver’s seat. Chuckling, Clarke drug Lexa to the car quicker.

 

***

 

Lexa held the door open for Clarke and Anya, following in behind them soon after and pulling the door shut behind her. She was hoping her mother would be home tonight, so she could tell her about the game but she figured that hope was lost when they entered into a very dark house. Anya went about switching on lights as Clarke moved into the living room to collapse against the couch, Lexa’s practice jersey still on her.

Lexa’s eyes followed the movement of the girl’s hands as she tangled the fabric in-between her fingers, her eyebrows knit as she seemed to be thinking of something. Lexa will be sure to ask her what that is when they are alone again.

“I’m off to bed.” Anya says to Lexa, suddenly standing in front of her and breaking her train of thought. Her gaze leaves Clarke to meet her friend who is smirking at her. “Have fun celebrating our win.” She winks at her and Lexa’s cheeks blaze red as Anya walks out of the living room.

“Asshole.” She calls to her, loud enough that it gains Clarke’s attention from where she’s still sat leaning back against the sofa.

“What did she do?” Clarke asks with an eyebrow raised.

“She’s being Anya.” Lexa mutters, unwilling to share the large implication that Anya had just given her.

Lexa tries to shut it out of her mind as she walks further into the room and takes a seat beside Clarke on the sofa. Her girlfriend rests her head on her shoulder, blue eyes staring off into space as she seems to continue to think about whatever is going on in her head. “Want to go to your room?” Clarke asks quietly, almost too quietly and Lexa’s heart races a bit faster in her chest.

_Calm down idiot._

She’s got to get a handle on these feelings. Now Anya’s gotten into her head and she’s assuming things, maybe hoping for things, she shouldn’t. Who knows where Clarke is but this is only their second night in the same room together again. Who says Clarke’s even ready for that, that Lexa’s even ready for that?

Clarke’s fingers tangle with her own before she stands from the couch and pulls Lexa with her and it’s enough for Lexa to know that she’s ready for that… with Clarke she’s ready for anything. But she tries hard to shut it out, to not think about it because she doesn’t want to place any pressure on Clarke to do something she may not want to do. Even if her hand is starting to shake in Clarke’s grip.

They don’t say anything as they walk up the stairs and Lexa wonders what Clarke is thinking, what’s currently rushing through her head that had, had her so deep in thought beforehand. She wants to ask but she can suddenly feel her own nerves clawing their way through her, up her throat and severing her voice box like it’s her enemy.

They reach Lexa’s room and the brunette’s nerves increase further, she thinks she’s breathing kind of loud and she’d probably smack herself if she was alone. But she wouldn’t be this nervous if she was alone.

Clarke shuts the door as Lexa sits on the bed and the brunette thinks she stops breathing as Clarke chucks off one of Lexa’s heavy jackets and tosses it to the floor. Their eyes meet and Clarke’s blues feel dark in this moment, full of something, of whatever thoughts are in her head as the space between them is slowly eliminated by the blonde.

“Lexa,” She says gently. Something to her voice that sparks a tingle down Lexa’s spine.

“Clarke?” Lexa tries to ask it casually, even raises her eyebrow up in question, but her voice is shaky and nervous. It’s clear how she’s feeling, it’s probably noticeable in the blush she can feel on her cheekbones.

“I’m going to kiss you, a lot.” The room is dark, street lamps and moonlight peeking in through Lexa’s window just right that she can see just how much Clarke’s eyes have dilated. Her voice is lower than she’s used to, lower than she’s ever heard it and Lexa can feel the effects rising in her body.

“You are?” Lexa says breathlessly as Clarke nods, straddling Lexa’s lap and pushing her hands into the brunette’s hair.

“Is that alright?” Clarke asks her quietly, her voice dropping low enough that it’s almost a whisper.

Lexa’s eyes drop down to Clarke’s mouth, examine the soft part of her lips as she seems to get closer to her. “Yeah, yes. That’s alright.” Lexa tells her quietly, and Clarke’s lips that she hasn’t looked away from, uplift slightly in a gentle grin that Lexa could probably stare at forever if she wasn’t anticipating being kissed by her.

“Good.” And that’s all it takes and then Clarke is kissing her, deep and long and needy like she’s been thinking about it all night. Lexa shudders into her kiss, her arms moving to wrap around Clarke’s waist and pull her closer, pull her body against hers so she can feel her heart beating. She can’t tell, between the daze of Clarke kissing her if it’s her heart or Clarke’s that’s beating so very fast.

It’s the rush of adrenaline when Clarke’s tongue parts her lips, seeking permission into her mouth, which seems to boost Lexa’s confidence enough to slide her hands up Clarke’s shirt to feel her skin, smooth and soft on her hands.

Clarke makes a soft noise in the back of her throat when Lexa’s tongue greets her own, and it spreads warmth through Lexa’s entire body, that flips her stomach and tingles between her legs.

“Can I take this off?” Lexa asks quietly against Clarke’s mouth. There’s a soft flush already rushing along her face, up her neck. Her breath already a bit ragged and shaky with a heavy heart beat. Clarke’s eyes are dark as ever as they look into her own and Lexa thinks she’s maybe imagining this moment because it almost doesn’t feel real. The way Clarke looks right now almost doesn’t feel real.

“Yes you can.” She mumbles lowly, almost a whisper. Her voice is raspy and deep and Lexa shivers to the tone of it, shivers to the feel of Clarke’s gentle fingertips stroking the back of her neck.

She hesitates one moment, staring into soft blue eyes before she’s pushing her hands further under Clarke’s shirt. Up and up and up until Clarke’s fingers leave the back of Lexa’s neck to raise her arms so Lexa can pull the jersey off of her. As much as she likes it on Clarke, she thinks she likes Clarke without a shirt a bit better.

Her skin is warm to the touch and when Lexa’s hand passes over the cup of Clarke’s bra she can feel her heart beat racing against her palm, as fast and as urgent as her own. “You’re so beautiful.” Lexa says and she knows she’ll say it a hundred times more because Clarke should hear it, because she can’t stop thinking it, because every new piece of Clarke that she learns she just finds more incredible than the last and she, even now, has to resist the urge to stop in this moment and capture it with her camera because Clarke… _is so beautiful_.

“Shh,” Clarke whispers, brushing her nose back over Lexa’s before she kisses her again, softer than the last one. Not as urgent or as deep but just as sweet, her hands back in her hair.

Something about the way Clarke kisses her makes her shudder. Not the rapidly beating pump of her heart or the increasingly developing warmth between her legs. But the way Clarke kisses her. It’s wholesome and real and she tastes like mint and… _Clarke_. And Lexa has no idea what she did to ever deserve her, maybe she doesn’t, but in this moment she knows that she wants her.

Clarke grumbles as she pulls away “Lex,” but her protest gets lost in her throat as Lexa lifts her own shirt over her head and tosses it onto the floor. “Wow,” Clarke sighs as she looks down at her, and it almost looks like she’s thinking the same thing Lexa is, thinking about how incredibly lucky she is to be with her. But Lexa will always know that it’s really her who is the lucky one.

When Clarke kisses her again it’s almost a mix between the first and the last one. There’s desperation in this kiss but it’s so sweet that Lexa has no idea if she would like it to stay slow or if she would greatly like it to speed up. Her movements are all about Clarke, following the pattern she sets as they move.

One of the blonde’s hands Lexa can feel on the back of her neck, as if desperate to keep Lexa’s mouth exactly where it is. Her other moves down her neck, across her bare collarbone and it stops when Lexa makes a small noise in the back of her throat, not exactly a moan, but something she can’t stop as Clarke’s fingers brush against the place her shoulder meets her neck.

And then Clarke’s mouth is not on hers anymore, and she’s starting to lose the process to think about anything other than kissing Clarke, so she tries to chase after her mouth, but the blonde just move the hand on the back of her neck so that she can tip Lexa’s head to the side as she explores her skin, her kisses trailing down her neck, warm and wet and tingly. And then her lips stop, hovering right over that place where her shoulder meets her neck and she just breaths for a moment, as if savoring Lexa. And then she’s kissing her there and Lexa can’t stop the sigh that leaves her throat because it feels so damn nice.

Then Clarke is pushing Lexa down on her bed and Lexa loses the ability to breathe. Clarke hovers over her, just looking her over, pushing her own hair to one side as she leans over her body and the urge to tell her how beautiful she looks is on the tip of her tongue again. It would come out if she wasn’t unable to form words.

“Is this okay?” Clarke asks her gently. Her breathing is heavy as well, Lexa can hear it but she can also see it in the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

“Yes.” Comes out so quiet she’s almost sure Clarke can’t hear her, but she seems to because Clarke is gentle yet again as she kisses her. Lexa’s hands rise back up to touch Clarke’s skin, but one hand gets trapped against Clarke’s own, their fingers tangling together as Clarke’s body sinks into Lexa’s, molding to her like she was always meant to fit there.

They kiss until Lexa’s lungs burn. Clarke’s hand leaves hers to slide along Lexa’s stomach, touching her softly as her hand travels to cup Lexa’s breast through her bra. She squeezes gently and presses her lips to Lexa’s ear as the brunette breathes heavily below her. “Can I take this off?” Clarke whispers and squeezes gently again as if Lexa needs the further understanding of what she’s talking about.

She nods and moves both her arms to wrap around Clarke’s waist firmly, as if to anchor herself to reality. “Tell me yes Lexa.” Clarke whispers making her shiver as her lips press a kiss under her ear.

“Yes.” She squeezes out, arms tightening as Clarke backs up from her just a bit, just to look into her eyes, as if she needs to further the permission Lexa has already given her. Both her hands travel across Lexa’s ribcage gently, behind her back, and Clarke’s eyes do not leave Lexa’s. She seems too determined and focused and Lexa almost wants to say something to make her smile but she doesn’t know if she can manage sentences.

Clarke puts pressure on her back and Lexa lifts slightly, just enough that Clarke can unclip the hook of her bra and then she rests back down and lets Clarke peel back the straps of her bra, releasing her arms from around Clarke long enough for the blonde to discard the bra across the room somewhere.

Clarke’s dark eyes finally leave hers and travel down across her body, her lips slightly parted and still swollen from all their kissing. Something in the way Clarke looks at her makes Lexa ache deeply, and she’s so nervous but Clarke looks at her like she’s her paint colors and Lexa’s heart has never felt so full and massive in her entire life.

“Fuck,” Clarke breathes. “I want to draw you so bad.” Lexa feels a soft smile plaster itself on her face despite her nerves and growing desire in her body.  Her arms tighten a bit and Clarke leans down to press a kiss under her jaw and then slowly down her neck, the warmth of her mouth almost feeling like fire on Lexa’s skin at this point.

Lexa’s breath increases again, heavily so, when Clarke’s lips reach the valley between her breasts, her arms tightening a fraction again and the blonde stops, but that’s not what she wants at all and when Clarke leans up to look at her she knows what she’s asking for. “Please continue.” Lexa mumbles, heavy and lost in her throat but loud enough that Clarke can hear her.

Clarke smiles, just a bit, a small tiny smirk that’s gentle and sweet and Lexa almost wants to pull her back up to kiss her again but then Clarke’s lips are brushing along her left breast and she decides that she’s too weak to make any action so sudden as that right now.

A deep, low noise leaves Lexa’s throat when Clarke’s mouth closes around Lexa’s nipple and her body arches up into the blonde, a warm sensation making its way through her, spreading warmth between her legs that she thinks is growing to be too much. A louder noise, not by much, leaves her throat when Clarke’s right hand comes up to touch at her neglected breast and her tongue swirls just right and Lexa’s hips push up into Clarke’s, seeking some kind of pressure for the ache between her legs.

Clarke stops and a bit of a high whine leaves Lexa’s throat as she protests the loss of her mouth. “You okay baby?” Clarke asks sweetly and Lexa nods, but Clarke doesn’t move.

“Yes please keep going.” She finally says and Clarke nods, adjusting so that she can trail a few wet kisses across Lexa’s sternum and over to her other breast, switching positions with her hands.

She spends a good few minutes there, just listening to Lexa and getting used to her body, and when she leaves, Lexa does that whine again, in the back of her throat. Clarke just moves up, to kiss her again, and as her tongue sweeps into Lexa’s mouth her hips respond to that as well. There’s a low throb between her legs and all she can think about is Clarke.

“Lexa, can I touch you?” Clarke mumbles against the girl’s mouth, and Lexa swallows, her throat dry and her thoughts dazed.

She nods but then she mumbles her confirmation against Clarke’s mouth. A quiet “yes,” escaping breathlessly past her lips and onto Clarke’s own. She backs up from her, just enough to unbutton Lexa’s jeans and slip the zipper down and Lexa leans up, kissing Clarke again and savoring her taste and her gentleness and a soft moan escapes against her mouth when Clarke’s hand slips past the waist band of her jeans and Clarke cups her gently over her underwear, which was already effectively ruined.

Clarke’s touch slips away and Lexa’s hips push back up to chase after the pressure. Clarke presses her hand, with slightly wet fingers, against Lexa’s lower waist and she kisses her deep, so deep Lexa forgets for a second what her body is begging her for. “I’m going to take everything off of you, is that okay?” Clarke asks as she backs up for air.

“Yes.” Lexa answers again and Clarke nods, slipping down her body and pressing kisses to sensitive areas as she goes, Lexa props up on her elbows to watch her, lifting her hips as Clarke tugs at her jeans and once their off she watches Clarke throw them over her shoulder like they mean nothing.

Clarke is far too close to her, close enough that she’s sure she can smell her and it makes her nervous, increases the heartbeat in her chest and the shakiness of her breath. Her thighs press together self-consciously and Clarke seems to sense the action, pressing her palms on the top of Lexa’s thighs as she rests on her knees between Lexa’s ankles. “Lexa, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do okay? If you’re done, and you don’t want to go any further I want you to tell me.”

Lexa stares at Clarke’s eyes for a long moment, reassuring and beautiful and Lexa nods. “Okay, I’m okay, keep going.” Lexa tells her. “Just nervous.”

“We can slow down if that will help.”

“No, I want this.” Lexa tells her firmly and a soft smile makes its way across Clarke’s lovely swollen lips.

“Okay.” Clarke tells her with a chuckle, her palms moving to the inside of Lexa’s thighs and pushing them apart gently, but mostly letting Lexa allow her permission to do so. Lexa just watches, her breath catching and her muscles rippling under the blonde’s touch, moaning softly when Clarke kisses the inside of her thighs and pushes her legs further apart. “I’m taking these off now.” Clarke’s hands move up, gripping the thin material of her underwear and gently tugging, easing them down when Lexa’s hips lift so she can get them off. She tosses those over her shoulder as well and then she scoots back up Lexa’s body, placing gentle kisses on her lower stomach, under her breasts, on her breasts, across her collarbone, on all of her scars, sucking a mark into that spot where her shoulder meets her neck, under her jaw, her ear, her cheek, her other cheek, her nose, and then her mouth again.

She pushes Lexa’s legs further open and urges them to wrap around her waist, the blonde moaning softly when she feels Lexa’s wetness smear her lower stomach and the front part of her pants. “You’re so wet.” Clarke grumbles into her mouth and Lexa feels a soft blush rush across her cheeks, deep and red.

One of Clarke’s hands props her up, right beside Lexa’s head, just enough that when the blonde looks down she can see her body, the way her chest heaves, the different colors on her skin from her kisses. She slips her other hand back down Lexa’s body and then she’s touching her again and Lexa’s head falls back against the mattress, a heavy breath escaping her chest as sparks tingle their way up through her body from the blonde’s touch, slipping between her wet lips, exploring her as her hips push up into her seeking more attention.

“Clarke,” She groans as the blonde’s fingertips brush against her clit, just gently, not quite what Lexa’s begging for, but enough to make the moan rip itself from Lexa’s throat, loud and leaving her before she can stop it, embarrassing her enough that she bites down hard on her lower lip to try and hold any more noises back.

“Baby, I want to hear you. It’s okay.” Clarke kisses her mouth again and Lexa gasps into her mouth as Clarke’s fingers set a gentle rhythm against the brunette’s clit. Soft gentle circles that spark a fire in Lexa’s stomach and make her hips push up on their own accord. Her fingers reaching up to grab onto Clarke, nails digging into her back as her motions continue and become more firm. Her touch sends a wave of pleasure through Lexa’s body, tightening it up and building her to an edge coming far too quickly.

“Clarke,” She moans deeply and the blonde shudders above her, her touch slipping down, a finger slipping inside of her as she adjusts her hand, twisting so she can press her thumb against Lexa’s clit and continue the motions she seems to like so much.

Lexa’s mind is muddled, her heart beat racing, her skin on fire, the pleasure building inside of her until she thinks it’ll explode, and her body moves faster chasing Clarke like she’s afraid she’ll disappear before she gets there.

It really doesn’t take long, Lexa knows she cums way too fast. Her walls clamp down on Clarke’s fingers just as she’s adding a second, her body arching up into the blonde with her nails digging into her back just as the pleasure spreads, surfacing through every area of her body and making her fly. A deep low noise leaves her throat as Clarke continues her movements and extends everything Lexa is feeling until she’s slumping back into the mattress, her eyes falling shut and a brief wave of tiredness, only brief, washing over her as Clarke stills her movements.

They don’t say anything for a few minutes as Lexa’s heart calms down and she manages to find her way back into her head. And then Clarke is kissing down her jaw and under her ear and whispering, “How was that?” like she could possibly think she hadn’t been anything less than amazing.

Lexa snorts. “Isn’t it obvious?” and Clarke’s body is slumping into hers again, so she can feel every curve including the obnoxious lace of her bra. She can feel where Clarke’s beautiful laughs starts, she can feel it rise and she can feel it as the sound leaves her, filling the space with that beautiful noise she makes and Lexa feels her heart squeeze in her chest for so many other reasons other than their current activity.

“So you liked it? And you wouldn’t mind if I continue?” Clarke asks shyly, her own face flushed pink as she stares into Lexa’s eyes and Lexa feels her breath catch, the urge to photograph her back and so strong.

“Continue? It’s my turn.” Lexa says determinedly and Clarke’s blush deepens.

“Only if you want to.” She assures her and Lexa wonders how Clarke could even think she wouldn’t.

“Please get naked for me.” Lexa says cutely, grinning at her girlfriend as the blonde chuckles and Lexa can feel it again, traveling through her and greeting her ears with that lovely sound.

“Because you asked so nicely.” Clarke teases, sitting up and unhooking her own bra. Lexa sits up as well and watches Clarke discard the item. She moves to remove her pants but Lexa feels a rush of confidence, grabbing Clarke’s waist and flipping them over across the bed so Clarke is on her back and Lexa is the one hovering over her.

“I think I’ve got the rest.” Lexa mumbles over her mouth, kissing her briefly as the blonde chuckles. She parts from her and undoes Clarke’s pants, tugging them down with her underwear and ridding them of her sight.

She admires the soft breathing Clarke is doing, the soft look in her eyes as she watches Lexa watch her, the soft rise and fall of her chest, the stiff peaks of her nipples begging for the same attention that Clarke had touched her with. The room smells of her and now of Clarke and she thinks there’s no better mix as she parts Clarke legs, looking at her eyes and waiting on her okay to continue.

“Do whatever you want.” Clarke says. Her voice is thick and heavy and so fucking sexy Lexa can feel her body restarting already.

She doesn’t hesitate after that, dipping low and brushing her lips across every inch of Clarke’s body she can reach, leaving marks and listening to her sounds and learning her shudders. She pays more attention to three different spots on Clarke’s neck, two on Clarke’s right collarbone, one under her left breast, until her body is full of marks that Lexa had made, wondering what they’ll look like later after they’ve darkened.

She gets lost in Clarke’s chest, her cleavage full and much bigger than hers, and so fucking beautiful and soft, and her skin tastes amazing, and the noises Clarke makes when she swirls her tongue around a stiff nipple is enough to make Lexa drip down her thighs again.

She leaves three more marks on the lower part of Clarke, one on her hipbone, another right above her pubic bone, another on the inside of her left thigh, enough that Clarke is breathlessly looking down at her. “Lexa please,” and Lexa wants nothing more than to make Clarke feel as good as Clarke made her feel.

And so she does. Her tongue brushing through Clarke’s wet folds dripping on her tongue. She tastes so good that Lexa’s eyes roll into the back of her head, enjoying the sudden grip Clarke has in her hair and the soft gasps she makes when Lexa brushes her tongue against her clit. Clarke is so wet already, dripping down her chin that Lexa, despite the desire to tease and savor, decides she won’t.

Her moves are persistent. Swirling around Clarke’s clit and then flicking the stiff bud causing a cry to leave the blonde’s throat as her hips push up to meet the brunette’s mouth. Clarke’s grip in her hair is so tight it almost hurts but Lexa doesn’t care as Clarke’s thighs press around her ears, keeping her there.

She has to hold Clarke’s hips down with one arm, as they push up too much. “Please Lexa,” Clarke moans and it’s enough that Lexa wants nothing more than for her to cum. She keeps her mouth where it is, consistent and firm actions over and over, than she pushes into Clarke with her fingers, one and then another and she touches warm, wet, rough silky walls that clamp down on her fingers.

Clarke is close so she doesn’t stop. She doesn’t stop until Clarke is falling off that edge, her back arched and a beautiful noise coming from deep in her chest that Lexa thinks is better than all the music in the world. Clarke’s body clamps down on her fingers but she’s persistent with her movements, she doesn’t stop. Not until Clarke is slumped back into her mattress with a serene look on her face and a limp body, and even after she stays, removing her fingers only to clean Clarke up with her tongue, not exactly in the mood to leave her place, at least until Clarke squirms away from her tongue and her hands in her hair tug so that she comes back up.

“Fuck Lexa, Jesus.” Clarke groans, one of her hand leaving Lexa’s hair as she moves up her body to press against her hot face. “I’ve never felt like that before.” Clarke hums and Lexa feels her heart literally soar.

“Is that a compliment? Because I’ve never done that before.” Lexa tips her head to the side, smiling down at her girlfriend as her pretty blue eyes flutter open, looking soft, her gaze gentle.

“You’re lying.” She says it like Lexa’s making a joke and she actually laughs when Lexa shakes her head.

“Nope.” She replies, popping the “P” with her lips as Clarke’s hands move up to wipe herself off of Lexa’s face that still remains there.

“Dear god, you’re going to kill me.” Clarke says affectionately, her touch brushing into the side of Lexa’s slightly sweaty hair. She grins widely and Lexa’s heart continues to soar, almost feeling as if it’s left her chest to stretch out and touch Clarke itself.

 _What is this feeling?_ Because it’s massive.

“Would you like to do that with me again?” Lexa asks, her head tipping to the side so her hair doesn’t fall in Clarke’s eyes.

For a long moment the blonde just stares at her, just admiring her features and staring at her face. The massive smile that breaks out on her face stilts Lexa’s breathing and makes her heart hurt so good. “Oh, would I ever,” Clarke giggles and flips them over so Lexa is back on her back. It’s her turn to leave as many marks as she can on Lexa’s body.

 

 

Lexa’s fingers comb gently through the side of Clarke’s hair as the blonde stares at her. They both lay on their sides, tired, exhausted, but also content and so relaxed. Pleased to be where they are, with each other, in this soft moment, with the quiet and the dark surrounding them.

Lexa aches something different, something massive and large in her chest that she can’t quite name as she watches Clarke’s eyelids flutter with every brush against her scalp. Clarke is light and beauty and sun. She is warmth and happiness and Lexa… Lexa never wants to be anywhere else other than with her.

She wants to protect her from the bad, and hold her in the night. She wants to make her laugh every day, and tell her everything she should always hear. She wants to know everything about her, to keep her secrets and calm her fears and just… be with her. Be with her for as long as Clarke wants to be with her.

She leans over, just to press her lips gently against Clarke’s, just a soft chaste brief action and then she’s pulling back again as Clarke’s eyes crinkle with her smile. The quiet calm and apart of them and not necessarily needing to be broken because what really needs to be said right now?

All Lexa wants to do is lay in this moment forever, combing her fingers through Clarke’s soft blonde hair and watching her slowly fall asleep, listening to her breaths even out, watching her eyes struggle to stay open because she doesn’t want to sleep, because she doesn’t want to miss anything. God she is so beautiful, Lexa thinks she’s never seen and will never see someone or even something so fucking beautiful.

This feeling keeps growing, surfacing and enveloping them in its embrace and Lexa’s so scared of it. So scared of whatever this is because she’s never felt it before, because Clarke is so beautiful and amazing and she wants nothing more than to be enough for her, than to be just right. She wants nothing more than to be with her and she’s never felt that before, she never understood that before.

These things have never made the most sense to her, but she finds that while she looks into Clarke’s eyes it’s hard to be confused because how could feeling this way about someone so beautiful, from their heart and soul, be bad? She doesn’t think her parents ever felt what she’s feeling now because she could never leave Clarke. She never wants too.

Though that thought terrifies her, though it’s almost too much to think about, it sits, still and in her head and there and she accepts it for now, as Clarke’s eyes shut in front of her and she slips away into her sleep, calm and peaceful and so, so, so achingly beautiful Lexa could almost cry.

She won’t.

“Goodnight,” She whispers gently, leaning down again and pressing her lips against Clarke’s, feeling the blonde barely kiss her back as she slips into unconsciousness. Lexa brushes her nose, delicate and gentle, against Clarke’s and pulls back, stilling her movements in her hair as Clarke seems to fall completely asleep.

_So beautiful._

Lexa grabs her camera and adjusts her settings so that she can capture Clarke in the night, snapping only three before she puts it back and gets up to pull a shirt over her head to keep from getting too cold. Then she climbs back into the bed and she curls up into Clarke’s side, feeling safe and warm as the blonde cuddles into her.

Lexa almost fights sleep so that she can stay here a bit longer, but eventually she cannot fight it anymore, just as tired and exhausted as Clarke, and feeling so incredibly safe, she eventually falls asleep to the sound of Clarke’s heart beat pressed against her ear.

 

***

 

She could feel the rise and fall of Lexa’s arm wrapped around her, the tapping of the rain against the window, soft breaths, and a car. A voice. Her father’s. Hand on her shoulder. Grass beneath her feet. Gun shoots. Shouting. Nothing.

Clarke jerked out of Lexa’s hold colliding with the wall. A pain shot through her head as a cry escaped her lips. Almost instantly she felt arms wrapped around her, pulling her into a protective hold. Her breath coming out in short gasp as her chest rapidly rises and falls.

The blood pounded in her ears, ringing. Her heart thudded in her chest. Her hands shook. Her body searching for a safe place. Her vision disfigured, as if she were looking through someone else’s eyes. Nothing made sense. Nothing looked familiar. Nothing felt familiar except for the weight keeping her from running. She sought the source out. The heat against her fired skin. Her hands found a shirt, her fingers entwining with it instantly. Her face finding a crook behind wild hair. It felt safe here. She could breathe here. Clarke could hear quiet mumbles of sounds “you’re okay” and “I’m here”. It was then that she could feel the ever present weight sliding up and down her back in a soothing motion. She closed her eyes counting down.

5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Breathe. Repeat.

Five minutes. Ten minutes. Twenty minutes.

Her breath evened out. Hands steadied. But the calming pressure on her back didn’t. Opening her eyes, she blinked a few times before remembering where she was. She was with Lexa. In Lexa’s bed. Lexa... who was still whispering encouraging words into her ear.

“Lexa,” Clarke croaked out. Her voice hoarse from crying and shaky breathes.

“I’m right here, love.” was whispered followed by a kiss to the back of her head. She was pulled closer lying down on top of her girlfriend. She tried burying her face farther into the girl’s neck but a sharp pain came instead.

“Ow,” she hissed out almost pitiful.

The neck was leaving her face, exposing her to the real world around her before hands quickly replaced the warmth. “You’ve hit your head.” Lexa said running a thumb over the growing bump Clarke sported on her forehead now. Fingers replaced the tears falling from her eyes and she gripped tighter to the fabric in her hands.

“Baby,” Lexa whispered kissing Clarke’s tear stained cheeks. “It’s okay. You’re okay.” Clarke was pulled back into a vice grip, safe once again with her face buried deep into Lexa’s scent.

“Nightmare.” Clarke choked out, her hand searching for Lexa’s. Once she found it, fingers interlocked firmly with hers.

Lexa sighed sadly and Clarke closed her eyes. The images kept fluttering behind her eyes. “Your dad again?”

Clarke nodded against Lexa. For a moment neither spoke. Clarke clings to Lexa like she would shield her from the dreams and the images. Lexa holds Clarke tight, kissing knotted blonde bedhead. Lexa didn’t know it but this was the safest Clarke had ever felt after a nightmare. This was the fastest she had been able to calm down after. She laid there breathing Lexa in. Paying attention to how her body seemed to fit seamlessly with the girl’s. How every curve and inch of Lexa seemed to be made just for Clarke to lie against. It almost made the nightmare not seem so bad if this is what would happen after. It made all the images of her father lying on the ground bleeding red all over the green, a fizzy picture that was quickly fading away.

There was movement underneath Clarke, her eyes shooting open.

“I’m just going to make you some tea” she shook her head, fear rising back into blue eyes. Her hold on the worried girl grew tighter, keeping her grounded to the bed they laid on.

“Please” Clarke whispered begging Lexa not to leave her. Not yet. Not now. And Lexa seemed to understand because the tension under Clarke fell slack and she was able to once again relax into the safe home she had found.

It was around thirty minutes later when she spoke again.

“I’m sorry” it was quiet and gentle and she wasn’t sure if Lexa had even heard it at first. But then a hand was lifting up her chin, giving her no choice but to meet green eyes.

“Don’t ever apologize for needing me.” Lexa spoke sternly. “Don’t,” she shook her head. “I want to help you, to comfort you, to be there for you.”

Clarke nodded, leaning forward to place a soft kiss against her lips. “Thank you then.” Lexa smiled and pulled her closer.

“Are you feeling better now?” Fingers running softly over the bump Clarke had forgotten made home to her forehead.

“Tired” Clarke answered. “Head hurts.”

Lexa chuckled softly before kissing the bump. “That was by far the most dramatic waking I’ve ever seen.” A laugh found its way out of Clarke’s lips.

“Your wall attacked me” she mumbled smiling up at Lexa. The girl laughed shaking her head kissing Clarke once more on the forehead.

No more was said after that. No more needed to be said. Both girls lay comfortably in each other’s arms. Sharing small smiles and stealing kisses. Eventually both drifted off to sleep once more, Clarke feeling safe and content in her place against Lexa’s chest.


	9. chapter nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Chels and I were talking and we wanted to ask for your opinion on something. Should the first time "I love you" come up be when Clarke says it mid-fight or should Lexa say it first in a sweet moment? Let us know which you like better. :)

“Do you like my shampoo okay?”

“Yes, but I think you seem to like it on me more.” Clarke giggles as Lexa wraps her arms around her middle and nuzzles into her neck, taking in her smell and sighing slightly as the mix of Clarke and her shampoo wash over her senses.

Lexa bites down on her lip to stop herself from smiling too much. “You can have my shampoo.” She states simply, burying her nose in Clarke’s hair before she begins pressing kisses under her ear and along her neck. Her fingers tips graze against Clarke’s hipbones and slip under the edge of the jersey.

Clarke sighs pleasantly as she leans back into her. “You’re ridiculous, stop touching the jersey; you have practice soon we don’t have time for that, you still need to shower.” Clarke swatted at Lexa’s hand slipping under the jersey to touch her skin and Lexa pouted.

Clarke’s cheeks were red with a new blush and Lexa thought she looked pretty enough for another picture, but that would require parting from Clarke to grab the camera and that’s not something she felt like doing at the moment. “I can’t find my jersey.” Lexa turns Clarke around by the waist to meet her eyes and presses her forehead against her girlfriend’s.

Clarke just stares at her a moment, her breathing a bit heavier than it had been before. “What do you mean you can’t find it, wasn’t it in your bag?” She asks after a moment, her eyes slipping to Lexa’s lips and again Lexa tries her best to hold back from smiling again, she feels like she’s doing it too much.

Clarke makes her happy. “Yeah I need the away one today and I don’t remember where I put it.” She pretends to pout a bit, popping out her bottom lip because she likes the way Clarke’s eyes follow the action, the blonde biting her own lip as she seems to think about something in her head.

She leans forward but stops before she kisses her. “Shouldn’t you have those on hand?” She asks delicately, a soft smile gracing her pretty mouth.

“Clarke,” She pouts a little and Clarke seems to chuckle at that.

Instead of giving her what she actually wants she just pulls away from her. “Okay. I’ll help you find it.” Clarke parts from Lexa and the brunette pouts even more before the blonde comes back and presses a peck to her lips, fast and quick but enough to make Lexa’s heart pitter-patter in her chest. “That’s it until we find the jersey.” Clarke warns her and Lexa sighs heavily.

“Okay.” She grumbles but it takes about thirty seconds for Clarke to abandon the search for her jersey before she’s throwing Lexa back onto the bed and the brunette laughs. They have enough time before practice to stay locked in Lexa’s room until she has to leave.

 

***

 

“That tickles.” Lexa whined squirming a bit.

“Stop being a baby and let me finish.” Clarke demanded from her place on top of Lexa.

Huffing Lexa laid her head back on the ground as she accepted her fate as a human canvas. Clarke had found some old paints shoved into the back of Lexa’s closet as she was helping Lexa find her soccer jersey. The moment she spotted the colors she turned to Lexa with a huge grin and that’s how they found themselves here.

Clarke was almost done with her rendition of starry night on her girlfriend’s back when Lexa started to get antsy.

Putting down her paintbrush Clarke smiled down at her work. Grabbing her phone she snapped a photo before tossing her phone to the side and leaning down on Lexa’s back.

“You’re going to ruin your masterpiece like that.” Lexa mumbled turning her head to the side to look back at Clarke.

“Hmm,” Clarke hummed as she placed a kiss on the girl’s shoulder. “Not possible when I’m looking at her.”

Clarke quickly found herself on the floor with Lexa straddling her. “You can’t say things like that.”

“Yeah?” Clarke hummed, her hands coming to rest on Lexa’s bare thighs. “Why not?”

Lexa leaned down and captured Clarke’s lips as an answer. Clarke’s hands circled around underwear clad hips as she felt Lexa’s bare front collide with her own causing a small moan to ripple from her throat.

Clarke stared back at Lexa as the other girl pulled away from their kiss. She didn’t think she’d ever tire of looking at Lexa. Every curve and inch of her was beautiful and Clarke wanted to take it in as much as she could.

Glancing over, Clarke caught sight of Lexa’s camera sitting on the floor by her bed. She quickly reached over snatching it. She snapped a few pictures of Lexa before the girl tried to push the camera away.

“What are you doing?” Lexa giggled as she continued to shove the camera away from her.

“Taking your picture.” Clarke answered still snapping away.

“Clarkeee” Lexa whined, “You’re going to waste all my film.”

Setting the camera down she said, “I’ll buy you more.” Lexa shook her head relaxing. “Why don’t you like to be photographed?”

Lexa slid off Clarke, grabbing a shirt from the bed and slipping it on. “I’d rather be behind the camera.” she shrugged.

Standing up Clarke came to sit next to her girlfriend, “You’re beautiful and beautiful things should be photographed.” she didn’t miss the way Lexa blushed.

 

***

 

“No Clarke, don’t look at me.” They had left the house after another shower and they had a few hours to kill before practice so Lexa had gotten Clarke to agree to let her take her photograph. Lexa had a whole map planned out, she probably wouldn’t be able to hit every location before practice but she had to hit some at least.

“I’m not supposed to pose?” Clarke asks with a furrowed brow and a hand gestured to her side as she tries to make sense of what Lexa seems to want from her. She’s adorable, Lexa’s heart picks up in pace as she just admires her for a moment, the wind in her hair, her cheeks and nose turning a light shade of pink from the slight chill.

“No, you’re supposed to just be Clarke.” The blonde huffed and shoved her hands through her hair as the wind seemed to pick up a bit, brushing it back perfectly. Lexa snapped a photo as fast as she could before she lost the moment.

“Do you want me to stare at something or?” Clarke twirled around looking for anything to do, any kind of direction and a small chuckle surfaced its way through Lexa’s chest before she could stop it.

“I don’t know Clarke, what do you feel like doing?” She asks brightly, grinning as Clarke glared at her, huffed and crossed her arms along her chest. Lexa snapped a picture of her pouting.

“I feel like kissing your adorable face but it’s hidden behind your camera.” Clarke sasses and another laugh escapes Lexa which only seems to make Clarke pout more.

She’s adorable. “Okay, here’s what we’re going to do. Turn around for me.” Clarke follows her instructions, turning around to look out at the city, wind brushing her hair everywhere. Lexa moves from her spot to the side so that she can see some of her face. “Now look out at the city, find your favorite thing down there and look at it, don’t think about me.” She holds her camera up getting ready to take a few more photos.

“I’m literally always thinking about you.” Clarke rolls her eyes and this time so does Lexa.

“Stop it,” She tells her softly but with a stern tone so Clarke knows she’s serious.

“Okay.” Clarke huffs and places her hands on the ledge of the building as she searches the streets below her. Lexa snaps a few of her just looking, moving around her and finding the best angles.

 

***

 

“Hey mom,” Lexa greets as she presses her cellphone to her ear, watching Clarke shoves fries into her mouth as if she’s starving. It’s cute and Lexa can’t help the soft smile yet again surfacing across her face as she admires her girlfriend. Her camera is resting in its bag on the table but she wishes for a brief moment that she hadn’t put it away.

“Mom?” Clarke perks up beside Lexa as she shoves fries into her mouth.

“Hey Lex honey, I’m going to bring dinner home. I want to meet your girlfriend; you didn’t have anything planned right?” Her mother asks with a soft tone. She knew she’d come around Sunday but she had still wished her mother had tried to take some time away from work a little sooner to meet Clarke. She feels slightly embarrassed that Clarke hasn’t met one parental figure yet, but has already met and had a conversation with her soccer coach.

“No, we were just going to hang out.” Lexa says gently, watching Clarke as Clarke watches and listens to her talk to her mother, even though she can’t hear the other side of the conversation. She seems intrigued and maybe a bit nervous the longer the phone call carries on.

“Okay, I’ll see you this evening, six thirty.” She tells her and Lexa nods even though her mother can’t see her.

“Okay mom, see you then.” Lexa hung up the phone after her mother said another goodbye and turned toward Clarke who was still staring at her expectantly with bright cute eyes.

“My mom’s going to bring dinner home tonight so she can meet you.” Lexa scoots her chair closer to Clarke so that she can brush her leg against Clarke’s and easily run her fingertips through soft blonde hair, reveling in an action so simple but so satisfied to be able to do it.

“I’m finally meeting your mom.” Clarke says with a heavy breath, she stops eating, pushing the fries away from her as she takes in this new information. Lexa wonders what she’s thinking as she taps her fingers against the surface of the table and bites her lower lip.

The action always makes Lexa’s stomach swoop slightly and her eyes part from Clarke’s eyes to watch her bite her lip, having the urge to lean over and bite it herself.

“Yep.” She says after a moment with darkening eyes before she leaves Clarke’s mouth with her gaze and meets her eyes again.

“What about your dad?” Clarke asks curiously with a small raise of her eyebrow and a slight turn to her head. She’s beautiful and Lexa’s heart is racing in her chest just staring at her.

She ignores the way she feels disappointed at the question and instead focuses on her feelings for Clarke. “I don’t think you’ll get to meet him this time but maybe next time?” She asks her as if Clarke has any control over her dad’s work schedule. She’s again, kind of embarrassed that her father doesn’t want to find the time to be able to fit Clarke into his schedule, and a little bit pissed off.

It’s nothing she’s not surprised by or used to so she pushes the feelings down. “Okay… do you think she’ll like me?” Clarke seems to ask after a moment, a worried look crossing her features and entering her pretty eyes, changing the shade of blue they seem to be and Lexa is fascinated by that.

“She’s going to love you.” Lexa moves forward and presses a sloppy kiss to Clarke’s cheek that the blonde whips off her face with her hand and a wrinkled nose.

“Eww,” She teases, making Lexa laugh brightly.

 

***

 

Clarke had her sketch book lying in her lap drawing a uniform clad Lexa as she runs drills with her team. Lexa has got word from her doctor that she was cleared to return to the soccer field the night before and Clarke could see how happy that made her girlfriend. Lexa has this new light about her, so naturally Clarke had to draw her. It was really a perfect morning.

Well, it would have been perfect if Ontari wasn’t there. Clarke knew she’d see her at some point besides Lexa’s game but the girl seemed to stay away from Lexa. Likely still keeping low since Indra seemed to be watching her like a hawk at the game. But Indra was gone; having ran inside the equipment room.

Lexa was bent over tying her shoe when the first attack came. A soccer ball to the leg. Clarke’s eyes darted towards Ontari, narrowing as she watched the girl chuckle. “Oops sorry, ball must have gotten away from me” Ontari almost mocked.

Lexa stood up shaking her head, seeming to ignore the girl. Clarke wasn’t sure if Ontari meant to hit Lexa or the ball really did get away from her but judging by Lexa’s face she was sure it was the former.

She watched as Lexa called out drills, her team responding, well everyone but one.

“Ontari I said three free kicks then pass the ball.” Lexa spoke and Clarke could hear an edge in her voice.

Ontari shrugged, “yeah and that’s not what I want to do.”

“I don’t care what you want. I’m captain” Lexa’s voice grew higher.

“Not much of a captain when you didn’t even play the first game and we won without you.” Ontari snarled as the rest of the team started to gather around the pair.

Clarke stood up, fist clamped together tightly. She was five seconds from going down there and punching that girl in the face. Even from the bleacher, Clarke could see the self-doubt taking over Lexa’s face. From the corner of her eye she saw Anya approaching the pair. She knew the girl would handle it, but before she could even reach the pair, Ontari started speaking again.

“What poor little Lexa doesn’t have anything to say?” The girl grinned, Clarke was sure Ontari knew right where she was hitting Lexa with her comments. “Mommy and daddy don’t even care their little girl is captain. They don’t even bother to show up.”

Lexa’s hands were in fist, similar to Clarke’s. “Go back to your drills Ontari.” Lexa’s tone was forceful and commanding but Clarke could still hear the slight waver in it.

This only seemed to make Ontari grin that evil smirk once more, “aw is the poor baby gonna cry. Did I hurt her little feelings?” and with that Clarke was off the bleachers and at Lexa’s side immediately. She placed her hand on Lexa’s back and felt the girl jump slightly. She gave Lexa a reassuring smile before turning to Ontari.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but see what we’re not going to do is act like a five year old and torment someone because you’re jealous of them.” Clarke stepped closer to Ontari, coming eye to eye with her. “Lexa could wipe your ass again and again on this field and that terrifies you doesn’t it Ontari?” Her eyebrow shot up in a questioning manner.

Ontari looked taken back for a moment; “and who the hell are you?”

Clarke chuckled, “Someone you don’t want to mess with, so I suggest you leave Lexa alone unless you want to find out.” she felt Lexa’s hand reach for hers; interlocking their fingers together. “Because no one makes her cry.” Clarke squared up her shoulders almost as if she was challenging Ontari to say anything more.

With a roll of her eyes, Ontari mumbled under her breath and begun to walk away off the field. Clarke turned back to Lexa, grabbing her face in her hands. “You okay?”

Lexa nodded, circling her arms around Clarke. Anya appeared at their side. “God I just want to punch her so bad” she looked towards Lexa. “Lex?”

Clarke watched as Lexa looked towards Anya, her eyes slightly red from tears she wouldn’t let fall. “I’m okay.” She took a deep breath and Clarke pulled her in for a hug. “I could handle it myself, but thank you.”

Clarke held her closer, kissing her head. “You don’t have to thank me.” She pulled back, keeping her arm wrapped over Lexa’s shoulder. “So practice is over I take it?”

They all looked around noticing they were the only ones left on the field. “Let go home” Anya said, all three making their way off the field and to the car.

 

***

 

When they arrived back at home, Lexa had a lot of bad energy she wanted to burn off. So Clarke suggested they go out back and Lexa could kick around the soccer ball for a bit. Anya opted to go inside and nap before dinner leaving Clarke and Lexa alone.

Clarke sat on the grass as she watched Lexa do a few tricks with the ball. She had to admit watching Lexa handle the ball so well was kind of hot. Her defined leg muscles would flex with each move and Clarke found her fingers itching to drag across them.

Instead she settled for watching Lexa, rolling the ball back to her when it would get away from her girlfriend.

“So how’d you get into soccer?” Clarke asked leaning back on her hands.

“My dad.” Lexa mumbled as she shrugged. “He used to be really into soccer when I was younger. It was kind of our thing. We’d watch all the games together.”

Clarke frowned a little. Lexa seemed to do a lot of things because her parents like it. She felt bad for the girl. She got into soccer because her dad was a fan and now he doesn’t even come to watch her play?

“He’s not anymore?” She asked.

Lexa stopped playing with the ball, “I don’t know. He’s busy now.” She looked down.

Clarke nodded sighing softly. She didn’t mean to upset her again. She only wanted to know how Lexa became such a great soccer player.

Getting up, Clarke smiled at Lexa. “Okay so teach me what this is all about?” She motioned towards the ball at Lexa’s feet.

Lexa’s head shot up, “wait really?”

Clarke nodded, “yeah, show me what’s so fun about it.” Lexa’s grin broke out.

They spent the next hour with Lexa teaching Clarke basic soccer skills and Clarke failing at most of them. She didn’t care how silly she looked though, it was making Lexa laugh so it was all worth it to her.

Currently Lexa was keeping the ball away from Clarke, always moving it away at the last second. Clarke’s brows were scrunched up in determination though. She was going to get that ball one way or another.

Lexa made the mistake of turning her back to Clarke, and she took that opportunity to make her move. Clarke ran up behind Lexa, tackling her in a hug causing a high pitch squeal to come out of the other girl. All while holding Lexa, Clarke tried her best to kick the ball away from them but Clarke was never the most graceful person. Before either knew what had happened they both were on the ground. Lexa lying against the grass with Clarke on top of her.

“Ugh,” Lexa groaned, rubbing her elbow.

“That didn’t go according to plan.” Clarke chuckled, rubbing her head that collided with Lexa’s shoulder.

Lexa looked up at Clarke, a giggle rolling through her. “What gave you that idea?”

Clarke smiled down at Lexa, “this is why you are the sporty one and I’m the artist” she joked before her lips assaulted Lexa’s face.

“Ah Clarke!” Lexa giggled once more, squirming underneath her. “Stop!”

“Nuh uh,” Clarke mumbled, her lips covering every inch of Lexa’s face she could find. She was going to miss this. This feeling of just being close and being able to kiss her anytime she wanted. Lexa’s face was so smooth under her lips and she was sure she’d never tire of kissing rosy cheeks.

 

***

 

Clarke finds them lying in Lexa’s bed once again, only this time Lexa has seemed confident enough to lay in a sports bra and her underwear. Clarke wasn’t complaining at all though. One of her favorite things to do was to run her fingers up and down Lexa’s stomach, watching the way her muscles ripple under her touch. She loved that she had this kind of effect on her girlfriend. She also loved how relaxed they were around each other.

Like now, they laid in silence, Clarke watching Lexa, Lexa scrolling through twitter. She loved moments like this. Moments where it was just them and they could just be. They could forget that distance was an evil monster lurking over them. That every second the clock ticks down is one second closer to Clarke’s impending departure.

“It’s so weird.” Lexa broke Clarke out of her thoughts.

“Hmm” Clarke hummed, kissing Lexa on the forehead. “What is?”

She felt Lexa scoot closer to her, burrowing deeper into Clarke’s warmth. “That people on twitter seem so intrigued with us.” Clarke looked down at Lexa’s phone reading over the tweets she was talking about.

Earlier Clarke has tweeted a photo of the two, smiling and looking happy. She had forgotten about their “fans” and how they seemed to freak out over them like they were some kind of internet famous duo. She hadn’t talked much to Lexa about it, other than the two joking around with it. She wondered if their so called fame was something that bothered Lexa.

“Does it bother you?” Clarke asked eyes searching over the girl’s face. “That they tweet about us?” she watched a few emotions flicker across Lexa’s face. A few she could read. Some she’s never seen before.

Finally Lexa shrugged, “I just don’t understand it” but Clarke felt like there was more. There was more Lexa wanted to say but instead the girl was scooting down, pressing her face where Clarke’s neck met her shoulder. As much as Clarke wanted to keep talking about it, to ask Lexa to explain what she didn’t understand, she didn’t. She just wrapped her arms around the girl instead, placing light kisses on any skin she could reach.

The only people who knew they were together on the internet were Raven and Octavia; Clarke never saw the need to announce that she and Lexa were dating online. It wasn’t for the whole twitter-verse to know and yes she tweeted a photo of them but why shouldn’t she? It was her twitter and she wasn’t denying or confirming anything. It was just a simple photo with a caption that read “her”. Nothing more and nothing less.

She also knew that Lexa was a more private person and she would never tweet something about them that she knew Lexa wouldn’t like. In fact before she tweeted the photo she made sure to check with Lexa that it was okay, that her girlfriend was comfortable with it. But now Clarke has a sinking feeling in her stomach that Lexa isn’t okay with it. That maybe Lexa never was and was only saying yes because Clarke was excited with how cute it had come out. And Clarke hated this feeling. Hated feeling like she had done something her girlfriend found weird.

Sighing, she pulled Lexa back from her koala like position attached to Clarke. “Does it bother you that I tweeted that photo?” And Lexa didn’t answer right away, merely staring back at Clarke, her eyes flicking all over as if she was searching for an answer that wouldn’t come. But finally Lexa shook her head but even the small action held so much hesitancy and immediately Clarke had her answer.

She grabbed Lexa’s phone, typing in her passcode, and tapping the app that read twitter. “Clarke?” She heard Lexa ask but she didn’t reply. She continued on her quest, she signed into her twitter, clicking on her tweet of the two of them and deleting it. She wouldn’t be tweeting anymore photos of them without Lexa’s permission. Handing back the phone to Lexa, she grabbed her face pulling her in for a kiss.

“I never want to do anything that upsets you.” Clarke pushed her forehead to Lexa’s, speaking to her firmly.

“Clarke,” came a small protest from Lexa but Clarke shook her head silencing Lexa with a kiss.

“No.” she pulled back from the kiss keeping their foreheads locked together. “They make you uncomfortable cause of what they say. I’m not going to post photos of us on there okay?” She willed Lexa to understand, to agree with her.

Lexa nodded closing her eyes, pushing her forehead off Clarke and on to her shoulder. Clarke locked her arms around Lexa, holding her close almost as if she was trying to protect Lexa from everything in this world that could cause her harm. Only little did she know this was just the beginning of their troubles.

 

***

 

“You look fine,” Lexa said with an eye roll as Clarke brushed her hair for the fifth time. “I swear to god she’s not high strung, she’s going to like you. Just be yourself.” Lexa tries to encourage her and make her feel better. Clarke looks too worried and Lexa doesn’t want that for her at all, especially when her mom isn’t someone that is around enough to cause this kind of stress.

“What if she hates me?” Clarke asks with a wavering tone as she looks at Lexa through her bedroom mirror. Lexa’s heart clenches slightly and she moves closer to her girlfriend, though she waits to touch her, letting her finish her nervous combing through her hair.

“Doesn’t matter, I like you.” She states firmly, though the statement doesn’t seem to comfort Clarke the way Lexa had wanted it too.

“It matters Lexa. You’re my girlfriend, she’s your mom. She has to like me.” Clarke slams the brush down and spins around to look at her. She’s shaking, something Lexa hadn’t caught onto until just now.

“And she’s going to. Just be yourself.” She steps into her girlfriend’s personal space, though Clarke turns back around toward the mirror to stare at herself again, check over her make-up, run her hands through her hair, even checking her teeth.

“That’s terrible advice.” She tells her with a huff, placing her hands in fists on the top of Lexa’s dresser. They’re still shaking and Lexa wants nothing more than to comfort her.

She wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist and rests her chin on the girl’s shoulder; her body is shaking as well, so Lexa squeezes her a bit tighter. “No it’s not. You are a beautiful amazing person and she’s going to see that easily. Plus she likes when I make new friends and a girlfriend is like… a friend you kiss.” She tries to lighten up the mood slightly, a small smile gracing her lips as Clarke meets her eyes in the mirror again.

“That’s not what a girlfriend is Lexa.” It’s Clarke’s turn to roll her eyes as she turns in her girlfriend’s arms to properly look at her. Her nose brushing against Lexa’s delicately and a small huff lands on Lexa’s mouth.

“Close enough.” Lexa grins at her and Clarke seems to find it contagious, a smile making its way across her lips as well as she looks at her mouth.

“Why am I dating you again?” Clarke asks with a slight raise to her eyebrow, eyes still on Lexa’s mouth as the brunette’s smile grows even wider.

“I’m cute?” She pretends to ask, cocking her head to the side slightly as Clarke stares at her.

“Maybe,” Clarke says with her hands reaching up and moving around Lexa’s neck, fingertips brushing into Lexa’s hair slightly.

Lexa pouts somewhat and Clarke chuckles, leaning forward and kissing Lexa’s mouth gently, sighing slightly when Lexa kisses her back. “This,” She mumbles against her mouth. “Is a bit addictive.” She says honestly and Lexa tightens her grip around Clarke’s waist.

“Mhm,” Lexa’s hands find their way into the girl’s hair and she pulls her closer to her, deepening the kiss with a touch of her tongue against Clarke’s bottom lip that rips that sound from the back of her throat that Lexa has come to really love in the last few days.

“Alright stop,” Clarke grumbles. “I could do that forever.” She says with a sigh, looking at Lexa’s mouth longingly when Lexa backs up far enough away from her that they are no longer kissing, or close enough to fall into another one.

“Sounds good to me.” The brunette says with a slight shrug and an innocent grin as she moves to press forward again.

Clarke stops her with a hand on her chest. “What if your mom comes in and sees me sticking my tongue down her daughter’s throat? She’d never like me than.” Clarke seems to stress some more and Lexa has to bite her tongue to hold back her laugh.

“1. That was hardly that dirty of a kiss. 2. You need to relax. She’s really easy going and she’s excited to meet you. She’s not like Anya and isn’t going to size you up. She just wants to get to know you, and you are amazing.” Lexa combs her fingers through the side of Clarke’s hair and melts when Clarke leans into her touch.

She isn’t shaking anymore. “Normally parents like me.” She tells Lexa softly, her eyes opening and staring into her own.

“So why do you think mine would be different?” Lexa prods softly, continuing the motions through Clarke’s hair as it seems to be relaxing her greatly.

“I don’t know. You’re-” Clarke sighs heavily. “You’re special, I’m nervous because I really do want her to like me because I like you, so much.” Clarke pulls Lexa’s body closer, pressing her forehead against Lexa’s and staring into her eyes in a way that makes Lexa forget how to breath.

“She’s going to, I promise.” Lexa kisses Clarke again, as if she’s trying to take Clarke’s nerves from her own body and relax her, and it’s enough for the moment, enough to be Clarke’s comfort and Clarke’s safety as she pulls Lexa against her body and kisses her deeper.

Lexa breaks it this time, with heavy breathing and a hint that they should be going downstairs so that they can greet Lexa’s mom at the door when she comes home with the take-out.

Lexa squeezes Clarke’s hand as she guides her down the stairs and they make their way to the door just as its opening and Lexa’s mother is coming through. Clarke’s grip tightens and almost becomes painful but Lexa doesn’t mind. She lets Clarke take all the comfort she needs from her.

“Hello,” Ms. Woods offers brightly, handing Lexa a bag of take-out to relieve one of her hands. Lexa sets it beside her feet. Ms. Woods stretches out her free hand to Clarke and the blonde’s shaky hand extends to greet the woman’s own. Lexa squeezes Clarke’s palm to try and help comfort her some more as her mother shakes her girlfriend’s hand.

“Hi.” Clarke responds almost shyly. It’s actually extremely cute, and a small smile is along Lexa’s lips before she can stop it.

“It is lovely to finally meet you, you’re quite pretty.” Lexa’s mother is always charming and friendly with people, especially Lexa’s friends… or in this case Lexa’s girlfriend. She’s bright and easygoing and Lexa is thankful for that because that’s something Clarke can use right now when she’s so nervous.

“Oh,” Clarke blushes, an action Lexa doesn’t see quite as often as she knows she, herself, does. “Thank you, it’s nice to meet you.” Clarke says politely with a friendly smile, one hand still in Lexa’s and still squeezing tight as Ms. Woods nods her head at her.

“Why don’t we eat and then we can all watch a movie together? Is Anya here?” Her mother looks at her and Lexa feels Clarke’s hand relax in her hand now that her attention is not on her completely.

“Her room.” Lexa nods her head in the direction of Anya’s designated room when she stays over.

“Excuse me, Lexa honey set the table. Clarke I want to hear all about you when we sit down.” Ms. Woods disappears down a side hallway to Anya’s room and Clarke seems to let out an audibly deep breath she had apparently been holding.

“All about me? What do I say?” Clarke seems to panic again, turning toward Lexa with wide eyes. Her hand is squeezing Lexa’s just as tightly as it had before, maybe even tighter now.

Lexa laughs. “It’s okay; just tell her things you like, how you do in school, what you want to be when you grow up? You know, stuff old people like to hear.” Lexa shrugs as she watches Clarke bite her lower lip. She feels her stomach flip the same way it keeps doing whenever Clarke does that and she thinks about telling her to reframe from the action but decides against it knowing it’s something Clarke does subconsciously.

“Does she like artists?” The blonde asks quietly, her brain seeming to go a hundred miles a minute with her thoughts.

“Clarke, she buys me new camera equipment every year and I showed her a drawing you did of me last weekend. She’s going to think whatever you say is lovely.” Lexa reaches up to comb her fingers through her girlfriend’s hair again to comfort her, smiling softly at her as her grip loosens up again.

“Is she really that nice?” Clarke asks with disbelief.

“She’s nice. She might tease you a little bit because you do this straight back thing when you’re nervous and your hands get all fiddly. You just need to relax. I’m here, I got you.” Lexa leans forward and pecks Clarke’s lips gently as if to seal some kind of deal that Clarke will always be stuck with her.

“You got me?” Clarke asks slightly vulnerably and Lexa’s heart clenches.

“Yeah, always.” Lexa smiles charmingly and takes pride in the smile that graces Clarke’s face. Bright and easy and comfortable. She is sunshine and Lexa’s chest only seems to keep expanding to try and make room for this massive feeling inside of her that she can’t quite figure out what is.

“Okay,” Lexa’s mom breaks the silence with a clap, Anya trailing behind her with the other take-out bag. “Let’s eat girls.” She says cheerily and Lexa scurries away from Clarke into the kitchen to hurriedly make the table. Clarke ends up following her, seemingly not wanting to be alone in the room with Anya and her mother. She won’t complain, as she just wants Clarke to be comfortable, so she lets her help her set the table.

It also gives her an opportunity to get another kiss from Clarke right before Anya and her mother join the room, and her heart soars with the feeling as it always seems to.

 

 

It’s sometime after dinner that Clarke finally starts to fully relax and loosen up. She snuggles into Lexa’s side as they watch a movie, or mostly have it as background noise and talk over it. Clarke talks about herself the best she can, but she seems to steer the conversation more toward Lexa, asking question about her growing up and her childhood and what she looked like.

She’s surprised to learn that Lexa’s mother only has about five pictures of her from the ages of five to fifteen, she knows it surprises her because she looks at Lexa right after her mother says it, like she’s needs the confirmation that it’s true. Lexa only nods, as that’s the way it’s always been.

“She never liked taking pictures but she has always wanted to be the one to take them.” And that seems to be enough for that conversation, though Lexa assumes by the way Clarke looks at her every once in a while that she won’t forget that information anytime soon.

She doesn’t exactly know how to explain her parents to Clarke. They aren’t people that probably should have had a kid, they don’t have time for her, they never really have, but they do love her and she’s well taken care of, so she’s never wanted to complain much.

But she soon becomes the uncomfortable one when they talk about her childhood a bit too much and soon Lexa is interrupting to steer it toward Clarke’s art. She knows the blonde could talk about that forever and honestly, Lexa could listen to her talk about it forever. She lights up, she loves it, it makes her happy and she shines and when Clarke is happy, Lexa is happy.

By the time the evening is done Ms. Woods directs Clarke to the guest room upstairs like this is her first night here and she waits promptly an hour before she sneaks back into Lexa’s room, which isn’t really sneaking as her mother sleeps like the dead.

“You think she likes me?” Clarke asks after a while of silence between them, just lying on the bed together and cuddling, Clarke taking comfort in Lexa’s heart beat and Lexa filtering her hands through soft strands of hair.

“How could she not?” Lexa asks with a soft smile though Clarke is not looking at her to see it at first. But then she pulls herself from where she had been lying against Lexa’s chest and leans over her with soft blue eyes. She bends down and kisses Lexa softly, pulling her up in a sitting position before breaking the kiss apart.

“I’m sorry your parents are never around Lexa.” The brunette stares at her a moment before she shrugs it off and looks down at her own hands, licking her lips since she can still taste Clarke on them.

“It’s fine; it’s always been this way. I know it’s hard to understand.” Lexa breathes out, not looking up at her girlfriend right away because she is disappointed in them. She doesn’t want Clarke to see that she is. That she’s disappointed her own parents didn’t take time to get to know Clarke and be around her while she was here. That they’d always rather be working than care for her.

“It’s not fine. It makes you sad.” Lexa looks up and Clarke is giving her this look she can’t quite name or figure out. “It makes you sad but you pretend it doesn’t. Why?” Clarke is genuinely interested and if anyone else were to ask this question Lexa would abruptly leave. She’d maybe even get defensive and let her walls climb so high the person who asked would never truly see her again.

But this is Clarke and things are always different with Clarke. “It’s always this way.” She whispers softly into the quietly and Clarke is still looking at her like that, this look she can’t name or place. It isn’t quite sympathy, maybe a little bit but it’s something else too. Something significant and warm.

“You’re just used to it?” Clarke tilts her head slightly as she asks with that soft look still on her face.

Lexa’s heart clenches in her chest and expands the same way it keeps doing. “Yes. And I’m not sad now, not while you’re here with me.” She tells the blonde honestly, reaching her hand over to grip Clarke’s.

“Lexa,” The blonde climbs into her lap and tangles her fingers into brown hair. “As long as I’m here I’m going to take as many photos and go to as many soccer games and be as much as your family as I am your friend and your girlfriend.” She looks at her determined, that warm look still in her eyes but now masked and accompanied by a mission.

Lexa almost wants to cry. “I have family Clarke, it’s not like I-”

“I know you do but you deserve to know that your cared about, you deserve someone shouting at your games and trying to capture your beautiful smile and giving you advice on hard homework assignments.” Clarke presses her forehead against Lexa’s. “I’ve got you too, always.” She whispers and everything in Lexa feels too much to be properly described. Too much for this girl in her lap, this girl who came into her life randomly, who she hadn’t even been looking for but now she can’t really picture what it’s like without her, or she doesn’t want to.

Lexa’s heart beats hard and fast and almost painfully inside of her chest, but it’s not a bad painful. It’s this new feeling again, only growing bigger and stronger and the longer she looks at Clarke and listens to her and is here with her the more it expands and she’s terrified of it but she’s not exactly sure she wants it to stop growing. “I am going to kiss you now.”

“Please do baby.” Clarke chuckles as Lexa leans in, and she pours her emotions into this kiss because they’re everywhere. She can feel them, deep in her bones, turning her around and flipping her upside down and she wants Clarke to feel them too. Too feel everything she feels for her without ever having to say it because how will words ever be able to explain this feeling?

She never wants to be anywhere else.

 

***

 

The sunrise was peeking into the room, lighting it with color but it was dark on Lexa’s bed. They were alone and it was dark but today was Monday and Clarke was leaving and the more Lexa thought about it the more she ached. “I don’t want to go home.” Clarke mumbles quietly as the sun peeks into Lexa’s bedroom window. The end was far too near and Lexa’s heart had already sunken very low with that new reality.

She turned on her side to look at Clarke with a slight frown. “I don’t want you to go either.” Her voice was quiet, with a slight rasp from sleep. She gazed at Clarke’s face and tried to memorize what it looks like in the dark, what her eyes look like when they look at her.

“It’s only a few weeks though. You get to spend Christmas with me.” Clarke smiles brightly and Lexa’s heart hurts a bit from thinking about even a small amount of separation.

She brushes her fingers through the side of Clarke’s hair and watches her favorite eyes stare at her like she is the world. “I wish you didn’t live so far.” She mumbles quietly just as Clarke leans into her touch.

Clarke moves across the bed a bit, so that she can press her lips gently against Lexa’s. A soft quiet kiss that aims to keep her calm but all it does is make Lexa want to cry. “It’s not so far. Just feels like it sometimes.” Clarke traces the letter of the necklace around Lexa’s neck and smiles a bit. “Remember what you said, never really that far.” Clarke’s smile is warm like sunshine and Lexa finds herself leaning over to kiss her again, just to feel a little brighter.

She pulls back a little only to press her forehead against Clarke’s, keeping her eyes closed like she won’t be able to savor the feeling of her being so close if she opens them. “It’s going to feel like it is when you get on that plane.”

“I know. It will for me too.” Clarke kisses Lexa again, soft and sweet, never fast or desperate in a quiet moment like this one. All they need is to be this calm. “A few weeks. We’ll talk every day. You’ll see me again before you know it.” Clarke’s fingertips are smoothing across the skin of her waist, a soft light comforting touch that makes Lexa tingle.

“I’ve had a lot of fun.” Lexa presses her fingertips to Clarke’s cheek and traces the skin over her cheekbone. “You make me so happy.” She whispers vulnerably and watches the effect it has in Clarke’s eyes.

“Don’t cry. Not yet.” Clarke whispers pressing her lips to Lexa’s again, this kiss a little deeper than the last.

“I’m not going to cry.” Lexa’s voice quivers, betraying her.

Clarke pulls back to look at her and her touch on her hip is more forceful, less feather light. “We have all day. Don’t cry or I’ll cry and I want to spend the rest of our time as peaceful as we can.” Lexa feels like there’s too much distance even now between them, like there’s not enough time in the world to be together but she tries to blink back the tears in her eyes at the thought.

“Okay, kiss me now.” She demands and watches the small quirk of Clarke’s lips at her request.

“Yes ma’am.” The blonde giggles and Lexa’s heart expands in her chest as Clarke’s lips meet her own again, Lexa’s hands sliding into her soft hair and pulling the girl on top of her to try and memorize the feel of her skin and of her body against her own.

 

***

 

They sat on a bench just outside of the security line; Clarke had another hour before she needed to make her way to her gate to board her plane home. Neither girl was trying to think about it. Think about what it meant. They’d have to survive a few weeks without each other and as the time ticked down it seemed to get harder and harder to let go.

Lexa has molded her body to Clarke’s in every way she could. Arms linked, legs smashed against each other’s, heads buried in necks. Clarke was almost sure if she let Lexa, she would be in her lap trying to form their bodies into one. The girl was oddly silent though, had been since they woke up. They tried to make the most of the day they had together. Locked up in Lexa’s room and no one dared to bother them. Anya made herself disappear, going over to Lincoln’s house and for that Clarke was thankful. She liked Anya well enough but even the girl knew that they needed this time together alone.

Clarke wasn’t sure what Lexa was thinking. Lexa would refuse to talk about how she was feeling, not that she hadn’t tried to ask, Clarke had tired all morning and afternoon to ask her but she seemed to change the subject every time.

Clarke held her girlfriend closer, burrowing her nose in the girl’s hair; breathing her in as much as she could. She was going to miss this, being so close to Lexa, feeling her, breathing her in, everything that’s so Lexa. The way her hair smells of lavender because she will only use baby shampoo, how her skin smells of vanilla and flowers, how her clothes always smell like sunshine. But what Clarke was going to miss most was the way they seemed to fit together, the way they mold their bodies together. The way Lexa holds her when she’s scared. The way Lexa would just stare at her smiling like she was the greatest thing Lexa’s ever seen.

Clarke feels Lexa shiver against her, the girl forgetting her sweater at home. Clarke pulled away from Lexa, untangling her body from hers. Lexa looked like a child with her lip jutted out in a pout, her eyes flickering all over Clarke’s face. “Relax; I’m just taking off my hoodie.” Clarke told her softly, pulling the article over her head. She passed it to Lexa gesturing for her to put it on. Lexa quickly threw the hoodie on, pushing her way back into Clarke’s arms.

“Thank you.” a meekly whisper came and Clarke smiled down at her, kissing her forehead.

Time passed quickly and it was time for Clarke to make her way through security and towards her gate. She sighed, her chest feeling tight and heavy, tears sitting in the back of her eyes. She swore she wouldn’t do this. She wouldn’t cry because this wasn’t goodbye it was just see you later. But it felt an awful lot like goodbye.

She could feel Lexa’s tense weight against her side, the girl’s grip on her getting tighter and tighter. She knew what was coming and Clarke could only guess that Lexa wasn’t dealing with this well either.

Opening her mouth, her voice cracking slightly she spoke. “I have to go,” it came out in a broken whisper. She felt Lexa shake her head against her chest, this causing her heart to break more. The lump in her throat growing in size. “Lex,” this causes Lexa to sit up, looking at her.

Clarke grabbed her face pulling her in for a sweet kiss, trying to make it last as long as possible. She could feel tears hit her lips as she pulled back. “Baby,” she pulled Lexa into her impossibly close. “Don’t cry it’s okay. It’s only a couple of weeks and we’ll talk and Skype. It’s okay.” she kept saying over and over and at this point she wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince Lexa or her herself anymore.

Placing kisses all over Lexa’s face, Clarke held in the tears she so desperately wanted to let out. She had to be the strong one. She had to be the one to get them through this. Lexa needed her to be a rock to climb on.

“I’m going to miss you.” Lexa whispered, looking into Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke smiled softly, “I’ll miss you more.” she responded keeping her arms locked around Lexa’s back as Lexa’s wrapped around Clarke’s neck. “As much as I want to stay here wrapped up in you, I have to go if I’m going to catch my plane.”

Lexa nodded, kissing Clarke one last time. Unlike the kiss before, Clarke poured everything she had into. It had to last them till the next time they could be in each other’s arms. After a few minutes, they both pulled back. “Kay, go.”

Clarke placed one more kiss on Lexa’s lips before she got up and grabbed her bags. “I’ll call you when I land.” she promised before she stepped away to leave. Her hand still connected with Lexa’s as she walked away. Finally Lexa’s hand stopped causing Clarke’s to fall back by her side.

She made her way into the security check line and before she walked past the threshold she looked back at Lexa as tears filled up in her eyes. She gave a quick wave back to the girl before walking towards her gate. Taking deep breathes as she walked to stop the tears that begun to fall silently. She could do this. Just a few weeks.


	10. chapter ten

Clarke sat on the plane, her leg bouncing up and down. Every second she was on that plane was one second faster she was away from Lexa. She never knew it would be so hard to leave her. She didn’t know her heart would feel like it was missing, like it was a puzzle but there were missing pieces. She didn’t know how much it would hurt to breathe. How hard it would be to walk away from her. She knew she would see her soon but soon wasn’t soon enough. Four weeks...almost a month. Could they really handle that? They never really discussed this part of the relationship. The long-distance aspect that would be a huge factor for them.

Sighing Clarke grabbed her book bag off the floor in front of her, she intended to grab her phone hoping to past the time with some music. When she reached inside the pocket, she was surprised to see photographs stuffed inside. Pulling them out, she finds blurry pictures of Lexa looking shyly at the camera. Her hands covering most of the photo as if she was trying to make the camera go away. Clarke smiled fondly remembering the moment these were taken.

She ran her thumb over Lexa’s face a few times before flipping through to the rest of the photos. Most of them were just silly photos of the two of them but the last one made Clarke suck in a breath of air. It was a simple photograph of Lexa lying in bed. She was covered by a white sheet from the waist down. Her bare back exposed as she stared at the camera. Clarke wasn’t sure when she had taken it, but she could only assume it was when Clarke went to shower that morning. This one photo makes Clarke’s heart beat wildly with something’s she’s never felt before. She couldn’t stop staring at the photo. She was pretty sure it was the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen, besides Lexa of course.

“That your girlfriend?” Clarke heard from a man just now sitting down beside her causing her Lexa induce daze to be broken.

Glancing over to the old man sitting next to her she smiled, “yeah it is.”

The old man whistled, “boy she’s a looker.” He offered Clarke a kind smile.

She looked back down at the photo, a grin breaking out on her face, “yeah she sure is.”

“You are leaving or coming?” He asked.

Clarke sighed, “uh leaving,” she answered. “First time leaving actually.”

“Doesn’t get easier,” he spoke, and Clarke looked up at him in question. “Me and my Mary did it for six years as I traveled the world in the Navy.” He had a far off look in his eyes as if he was recalling some distance memory.

“Was it worth it?” Clarke asked, normally she wouldn’t make a habit of talking to strangers on a plane, but this gentleman made her feel warm and safe.

He nodded, “I was married to her for 60 years before cancer took her from me.” He looked away before looking back at Clarke. “I would do it all over again though.”

Clarke smiled, thinking of Lexa. They seemed to have it hard but at least they were able to see each other, and nothing held them back besides the distance. Beside they were young, and they had all their life to figure out how to be together.

“You hold on to her okay?” The old man spoke once more. “If you think she’s worth it than nothing can stop you from being with her.”

Clarke looked down at the photo once again, “I wouldn’t dream of it,” and her voice was firm. There was no way she’d let Lexa go. Not now. 

 

***

 

Watching her leave was harder than letting her go. The stupid plane she was on was in the sky and gone before Lexa knew it, and the drive back to her house was even worse. Anya didn’t say anything, it was too quiet and there was no Clarke physically with her but the smell of her was everywhere.

Lexa’s heart was with Clarke on that stupid plane that took her away, there’s no way it felt like it was here with her now. It couldn’t be. That maybe should have been expected, she should have predicted it somehow, but she couldn’t. This feeling is big… maybe too big. She really doesn’t know what to do with it.

“You’ll see her again soon.” Anya finally says, filling the silence with some sort of sound, but it’s not quite the sound Lexa is looking for and instead of answering her she just burrows further into Clarke’s sweatshirt, hiding her nose under the material and taking in the blonde’s scent that still lingers on it.

When they finally reach her house again she doesn’t bother making small talk, she only heads to her room and closes the door and buries herself under the covers. Her bed smells like Clarke. Everything smells like her. She’s everywhere and yet not here at all and it’s worse than Lexa ever thought it would be.

She misses her already, misses the sound of her laugh and the feel of her body and the color of her eyes. Nothing is right without her here. At least right now that’s how it feels. She wants nothing more than to cuddle with her, under the covers of her bed and fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat against her ear.

This feeling inside of her that has grown so massive and so powerful before didn’t feel as safe and as comforting without Clarke, it felt all-consuming and sad. Like only Clarke could fix the dark edges suddenly filling in her chest. Clarke was like the sun and Lexa didn’t quite know what she was supposed to do without her now. It certainly was a new experience. Maybe Lexa should be happy that she’s getting the chance to feel something like this, her whole life she’s never really missed someone this much.

But she doesn’t feel anything but sorrow right now.

Tears escape her eyes before she can stop them and instead of stopping them she burrows further into her pillows, the one that Clarke had slept on most of her time here and curls up against it. If she keeps her eyes closed and just keeps breathing in her smell she can almost pretend that Clarke is here with her, almost. But Clarke isn’t, and the longer she sits here the more aware she is of it.

Eventually it’s too much. Clarke’s smell being everywhere is too overwhelming without her being here, without being able to touch her. So, Lexa gets up and heads to the backyard to kick the soccer ball around, but she eventually must stop because Clarke had been with her the last time she did this as well. In fact, why did she get the bright idea to take Clarke to all her favorite spots around town?

She can’t win today, and eventually she retreats to her room again, going through the photos she had taken and crying a little when she’s not strong enough to keep the emotions back. She hates feeling so weak but at the same time it’s hard to imagine feeling any other way after someone so important to you leaves and you know you must be away from them.

Clarke is special, new for Lexa. This attachment she’s gaining for her only comes with the fact that Clarke has decided to be here for her. No one really has done that before. Anya is her best friend and she’s here but they’re very similar about stuff, growing up in homes that don’t provide much love so they both never really learned how to love. Lexa is learning now, and it feels like too much but at the same time she knows she’s lucky to be learning it at all. Who else would be here for her like this?

She wouldn’t want anyone else anyways. Clarke is probably as good as it gets by this point.

 

***

 

Clarke had been home for only a few minutes, only had time to walk upstairs and put her bags down before her mom was coming through the threshold of her room.

“Welcome home sweetheart” Abby greeted smiling at Clarke from across the room.

Clarke glanced up at her mom, sitting on the bed. “Hey mom,” she smiled but it was weaker than her average.

Abby walked across the room to join her daughter on the bed, “how was it?”

“Good, really good” Clarke sighed, “I really enjoyed my time there.”

Abby offered her a smile, “but?”

“But” Clarke shrugged, “I don’t know. I miss her already.” Everything felt weird without Lexa there. Like everything was incomplete. Nothing made sense. Clarke didn’t feel the same without Lexa by her. She wanted to reach out and pull the girl in her arms, but she wasn’t there and Clarke never knew it would feel this shitty to live without her.

Before she knew it, she was being pulled into her mother’s arms. “Oh honey,” her mother spoke softly.

“I miss her” her voice cracked, and she hadn’t realized she was crying till she felt a tear fall on her arm. They stayed like that till Clarke’s breath evened out and her chest no longer felt heavy and sad.

She excused herself with the excuse that she wanted to shower off the plane germs and her mother left without question even if she didn’t quite believe that was what Clarke was intending on doing.

But Clarke did have every intention of showering just right after she texted Lexa.

**Clarke (4:49 P.M.)** **:** I miss you, cutie

**Lexa (4:50 P.M.)** **:** I miss you too

**Lexa (4:50 P.M.):** everything in my room smells of you.

**Clarke (4:52 P.M.):** I wish I had that problem

Clarke made her way into the bathroom, grabbing a towel off the rack that sat in the corner of the bathroom.

**Lexa (4:52 P.M.):** it’s horrible. It’s like you’re here but you aren’t.

**Lexa (4:53 P.M.):** image_567

**Lexa (4:53 P.M.):** This helps though

Clarke smiled wide as she received the photo. Lexa bundled up in Clarke’s oversized hoodie. Lexa looked so cute Clarke’s heart was thumping hard in her chest.

**Clarke (4:55 P.M.):** god you look so cute in my hoodie

**Lexa (4:55 P.M.):** I’d look even better with it off.

Clarke nearly dropped her phone at that. She wasn’t expecting Lexa to be so bold and forward. Lexa who asked if she could hold Clarke’s hand. Who was so shy at any small gesture. If her heart wasn’t beating rapidly before it was now.

**Clarke (4:57 P.M.):** Lex....

Her breath was growing shallow, her stomach tightening. Images of Lexa laid out underneath her, out of breath and glistening with sweat started flashing in her mind.

**Lexa (4:58 P.M.):** everything smells like you. My bed. My hair. My body. I want you in my bed again.

Clarke didn’t know if Lexa was just thinking out loud or really trying to start something but now that the thought had been put into her mind she wasn’t sure she could get it out.

**Clarke (5:00 P.M.):** and what would you do if I was in your bed?

She sat down on the edge of the tub, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to handle Lexa’s response if she was standing.

**Lexa (5:00 P.M.):** hmm well I’d probably kiss you all over. Kiss that spot behind your ear that makes you do that breathy moan and I’d trail my fingers down your stomach while my lips followed.

There was no way Clarke was going to survive this. She closed her eyes imagining she was back in Lexa’s bed. Lexa’s hands and lips all over her body making her squirm.

**Clarke (5:02 P.M.):** baby...I really wish I could touch you. Feel you.

**Lexa (5:02 P.M.):** how would you touch me?

Clarke knew there was no going back now. This was it. They were doing this, and she doesn’t think she could get more turned on if she tried. She wanted to give Lexa her everything. Something to hold her over till the next time she could really touch her again.

Quickly she stripped out of her clothes, setting her stuff back on the edge of the bathtub. She turned on her camera and started recording. She dragged her fingers down her chest, dipping them between the valley of her breast before moving over to her nipple and pinching it slightly giving out a breathy gasp. She continued dragging her tips over her stomach till she reached her waist, the camera following her actions the whole time. She stopped filming there and sent the video over to Lexa.

It wasn’t long before she was getting a text back from the girl.

**Lexa (5:05 P.M.):** fuck Clarke

**Lexa (5:05 P.M.):** I miss your body so much. I need more.

Clarke bit her lip, she wanted to give Lexa more. Her girlfriend deserved it, she just didn’t know how. She’s heard of people doing phone sex but that didn’t seem like enough. Sexting was nice, but she wanted to be able to see Lexa. Hear her moans and whines.

Taking a deep breath, she tapped the FaceTime button. It only rang a few times before she was looking at Lexa’s face.

Neither spoke for a few minutes unsure of how to continue. she could see Lexa’s chest rising and falling under the hoodie. Clarke kept her camera positioned so Lexa couldn’t see past her collarbone.

“I miss seeing you look so flustered and out of breath.” Clarke spoke finally. Her voice rough. “What are you wearing under my hoodie?” She searched Lexa’s face wondering if she could hear the way her voice stuttered along her words, shaking and uneven with the heat rising in her body.

Lexa cracked a smirk at that, Clarke could tell she was nervous. She knew she would have to take the lead till Lexa relaxed. The camera left Lexa’s face before it was at the edge of the sweater sitting on Lexa’s thighs. Lexa slowly lifted the edge to reveal nothing but legs and thighs. Clarke’s breathe picked up, her chest getting tight. An ache growing between her legs that pulsated and demanded attention.

She swallowed hard, “you’re only wearing my hoodie.” She stated, and Lexa nodded in return. “That so damn hot baby.” She groaned.

Lexa licked her lips before speaking, “and you?” Clarke bit her lip moving the camera down her body to show that she wasn’t wearing anything.

A gasp came from the other end of the phone, “you’re.... really wet.”

Clarke nodded, “that’s what you do to me.” She could have sworn she heard a small moan ripple out of Lexa’s throat. “Seeing you laying there in nothing but my hoodie is really sexy.” Lexa’s eyes were getting hooded, Clarke could see her arm moving slowly. Her fingers probably in a place she wishes she could be touching herself. She knew she was having an effect on Lexa, so she kept going. “I’m dripping down my thigh thinking about how much I want to touch you and feel you.”

“Show me.” It was a whispered demand with her voice still cracking, and it makes Clarke shutter. Lexa arm was still moving slowly.

She angled the camera down so Lexa could see her full body. Slowly she trailed her fingers over her thighs, watching Lexa’s eyes follow her every move. Her fingers dipped into her wetness and her eyes closed briefly. She ran her fingers through her folds, letting them glide easily through her arousal. Enough there that she had to bite her bottom lip to keep back the moan threatening to escape its way out of her chest once she trails her fingers over her own throbbing clit.

Lexa’s breath was picking up quickly as she watched Clarke touch herself. “You feel so good Lex,” Clarke moaned out.

“Clarke,” Lexa whined out, her hand moving more rapidly than before.

“Lex,” Clarke groaned her hand making motions around her clit. “Show me please.” Lexa listening pulls the hoodie up over her breast. Her hand diving back into herself as her fingers worked hard. “Fuck baby” all that could be heard from Lexa’s side was breathy moans and it was making Clarke grind into her hand, her head pushed back into the wall behind her as she struggled to keep her eyes open, so she could see Lexa pleasure herself.

“Please,” Lexa whined out, her eyes closed much in the same fashion as Clarke’s wanted too.

“What? Tell me what you want” Clarke said watching Lexa squirm around from her own touch.

“You. I want you.” She struggled out, and Clarke could picture her face even though she couldn’t see it, camera pointed at the rest of Lexa’s body rather than where it had previously been.

Clarke moaned out loud biting her lip from being too loud. “You want me to lick you? Draw your clit into my mouth, scrap my teeth against it?” Lexa gasped her fingers slipping into her warmth as Clarke pumped her fingers in and out of herself at the sight. She was getting close, the warm build and tightening in her stomach the first indication and she could tell by the noises coming from her girlfriend that she was too. “That’s it baby, keep going.” Clarke encouraged.

Lexa let out a loud moan and her motions stopped, her head falling back on the bed and her chest raising and falling, though her hand continued in gentle motions tell she was done. Clarke came with a groan just at the sight of her, eyes close and a loud moan escaping her before she can stop it at the white-hot warmth that spreads through her body. She rested her head back against the wall as she tried to catch her breath coming down.

For a few moments it was silent before Lexa’s small tired voice was squeaking through the speaker of her phone. “I should wear your hoodies more often.” Lexa joked causing Clarke to giggle and open her eyes to meet her girlfriend’s warm grin.

 

***

 

Lexa tapped her pen against the surface of her desk a few times. Clicking it shut and clicking it open as she stared at her phone. It sat in front of her, still black and she was contemplating on just calling Clarke finally or trying to decide if she was just being irrational.

She hated this need, this obnoxious feeling of missing her so hard she can physically feel it every night she lays down and Clarke’s body is not beside her. There’s something about Clarke not being here, Clarke not with her that drives Lexa a certain level of crazy.

It’s been an hour since she sent out her last text message and it’s bothering her. Is she being overbearing? Does Clarke need a break? Is she overreacting? She doesn’t know. She can’t completely comprehend it. She’s never been here before, never been this close to someone, had this overwhelming desire to always be with someone, before.

It was almost overbearing for her, she wonders if it really was starting to resonate in her conversations with Clarke. She hoped it wasn’t.

Now she picked up her phone not to text Clarke but instead to send a message to a different friend to help her access the situation and think things through a little more properly because sometimes Lexa just really couldn’t clear her own head.

**Lex (2:44 P.M.):** Clarke hasn’t messaged me back yet

It’s simple but Costia is used to getting the end of some of Lexa’s problems. She’s always been so easy to talk to about things like this, mostly because they had a lot in common when it came to their lack of experience in relationships and though Costia was currently single, she somehow knew way more about how to act in a relationship than Lexa did, which often was the reason that Lexa would decide to go to her at all.

**Cos (2:44 P.M.):** Okay? Is she busy?

Lexa frowned and clicked her pin again as she stared at the reply. Busy? Maybe, most likely, but normally Clarke tells her when her replies are going to be distance and slow. At least she tried probably because she knows how Lexa starts to perceive things… maybe she shouldn’t know, maybe Lexa really is being overbearing? God she’s going to drive herself insane.

**Lex (2:45 P.M.):** idk, I’m worried I’m too much and she’s tired of me. Is that stupid?

She clicks her pen several more times before Costia’s reply comes through.

**Cos (2:46 P.M.):** Of course not, this is new for you. But she’s probably just busy with something, give her some time and take a breath.

Lexa’s knee bounced as she glanced at the time on her phone before replying, giving her a moment to decide what she should say, how much emotions swirling inside her chest she should give away. This overwhelming need to be with her all the time, to talk to her all the time, to make her laugh and hold her hand. She’s fed up of the massive feeling inside of her chest at just the mere thought of the blonde but at the same time she can’t get enough of it. It’s all so confusing and she has no idea if Clarke is feeling the same way or not and she’s far too scared to ask and say the wrong thing.

**Lex (2:47 P.M.):** Everything is just so hard now that she’s been here; I miss her all the time.

**Cos (2:47 P.M.):** I know, but you’ll see her again soon

**Cos (2:47 P.M.):** I see ur fanbase is growing quite large.

**Lex (2:48 P.M.):** Oh god don’t even mention that. It’s so weird.

**Cos (2:48 P.M.):** You guys are cute together, I can see it.

**Lex (2:49 P.M.):** Of course, we’re cute together, you’ve seen her right? It’s just weird.

Lexa sighs and moves to her twitter feed, scrolling through some of her notifications that she gets about her and Clarke. They’re annoying as ever, today, they’re not funny at all. She can’t find anything amusing about them. She just wishes sometimes they’d all go away and stop invading her privacy.

**@daenerystormborn:** _Lexa and I talking about relationships used to be funny until she got a girlfriend, now it’s no longer ironic._

Lexa watched the comment influx multiple messages from their “fanbase”. Loads of curious questions and people trying to invade even more of her and Clarke’s privacy.

She knows it only amuses everyone else, like Costia and Raven. But for her it’s unsettling. Why people are so interested makes no sense to her and the longer it goes on the more upsetting it becomes. She thinks maybe she’s always being too sensitive about it, Clarke doesn’t seem to mind, so she tries not to, but it doesn’t feel right.

Clarke is her girlfriend, her girlfriend alone, not theirs. She and Clarke’s relationship is theirs, not everyone else. It doesn’t make sense and Lexa hates it.

 

***

 

It was a Tuesday afternoon and it was spent just like every other afternoon that Lexa didn’t have soccer practice. Clarke sat at her desk doing homework while FaceTiming with Lexa. They have been mostly silence, as Lexa seemed preoccupied by something on her phone.

“What are you doing?” Lexa asked breaking Clarke from her homework daze.

“Math.” She replied not looking up, her pencil moving quickly across the paper.

It was silent for another few minutes till Lexa spoke once more. “Pssst,”

Clarke threw a glare Lexa’s way, but Lexa didn’t seem to care. “Are you Cinderella?”

Clarke took a deep breath, she wasn’t annoyed with Lexa because she was being kind of cute but she really did want to finish her homework, so she could give Lexa her undivided attention. “Because I can already see your clothes disappearing at midnight.”

The blonde closed her eyes tightly pinching the bridge of her nose. Opening her eyes, she shot a look at her girlfriend sitting there with an innocent smile. Clarke looked back at her work shaking her head.

Lexa sat silent for another ten minutes before:

“I’m bored.” she sighed. “Can’t you take your top off or something, so I have something to look at while you ignore me?”

Clarke looked up at her girlfriend giving her a “you gotta be kidding me” stare. “I’m doing homework not ignoring you.”

Lexa rolled her eyes playfully, “I’ve been making faces at you for the past five minutes and you didn’t even notice.”

Chucking Clarke replied, “oh I noticed.”

“Clarkeeee” Lexa whined mimicking that of a child.

“I’m not showing you my boobs.” Clarke mocked Lexa. “What are you? A twelve-year-old boy?”

Lexa pouted crossing her arms and Clarke couldn’t help but smile at how adorable she looked. “Can’t believe you’re denying your girlfriend boobs.”

She rolled her eyes grinning at how ridiculous Lexa was being, “I’m not denying you of anything. You had plenty last night.”

“I’ll show you mine.” Lexa smirked like that was the best idea she had offered Clarke.

“If I show you my boobs will you be quiet for the next ten minutes so I can finish my homework?” Clarke dropped her pencil giving Lexa her full attention.

Lexa nodded enthusiastically grinning like a fool. Clarke shook her head chuckling as she discarded her shirt.

Lexa kept her word, she sat in silence as Clarke finished her homework, just staring at her.

Sometime later after Clarke had packed up her things, she sat in her bed still topless. It seemed to make Lexa happy and Clarke was happy that she was happy.

“Have you gotten your boob fill for the day?” Clarke asked watching as her girlfriend grew sleepy.

“I’ll never get tired of seeing you.” Lexa said sweetly curled up in her bed, Clarke’s hoodie wrapped around her.

“You’re cute.” Clarke grinned back at her. Every night as the day comes to an end she sat on the phone with Lexa and everyday something in her chest pulls harder and harder. She wasn’t sure what it was, it wasn’t something she experienced before at all. But she liked it.

“I miss you.” Lexa whispered softly only the screen illuminating her face in the darkened room.

“I miss you too baby.” Clarke whispered back just as softly. She doesn’t know when she picked up the habit of calling Lexa baby, but it seemed to make her grin each time and for that Clarke would never stop.

She watched Lexa yawn, she knew she had been beat from the school day. She felt bad for her, school was tiring, and she was always trying to get perfect grades and even though Clarke would reassure her it was okay if she didn’t get an A on everything Lexa always seemed to push herself. She was just thankful that Ontari seemed to limit her bullying on Lexa.

“Two weeks.”

Clarke smiled, it felt so soon but so far away. Lexa would be here spending Christmas with her. Although it shocked Clarke how easy it was for Lexa’s parents to just let her go on such a holiday.

Most people wanted to be with their children on Christmas and it angered Clarke that her parents didn’t seem to care. That they seemed too eager to let their only child go away as if they were too busy to even notice if she’d be there or not. Even though she knew Lexa was excited to spend Christmas with her, she also knew that her parents’ willingness to let her go bothered her more than she would like to admit to Clarke. 

Sighing Clarke watched as Lexa drifted off to sleep. She smiled watching her, something she found herself doing a lot at night. “Two weeks baby girl.”

 

***

 

The worst thing about having a stuffy nose was not being able to smell Clarke on her sweater. She wore it still, it was the closest she could get to her right now and Lexa really, really wishes right now that Clarke was here. Even if she easily handles illness by herself because she’s always had to take care of herself.

It would still be nice to be cuddled by her right now. Clarke has this way of making her feel better about anything. Absolutely anything, it was almost magic. Nonetheless, Clarke was not here now, and Lexa wished she was, even more so as she trudged out of her room to make some soup and lemongrass tea.

She’s used to caring for herself, no matter what, so making her own food and taking her own medicine and forcing herself to move from her bed are all things she’s trained in. She sets about the regular process. She’d be texting Clarke if she could, but she knows the blonde is in school and doesn’t want to bother her with her illness anyways. So, she left her phone upstairs and focuses on taking care of herself.

She takes a tray of the soup and tea upstairs to her room and sets it carefully on her bed, before carefully climbing into her bed as well, making sure not to spill anything. She still has a few more hours before she has to take any more medicine, so she just focuses on getting something in her stomach, even though she feels like she could literally throw it all up just looking at it.

She clears her throat, trying not to cough as she forces some soup down her throat, sniffing and wincing slightly as it goes down. Her phone pings and she grabs it, anything to stall her from having to eat anymore.

**Clarke (12:31 P.M.):** what class r u in right now

**Lexa (12:32 P.M.):** I’m not in class

**Clarke (12:32 P.M.):** Why are you not in class? Is straight A Lexa ditching?

Lexa snorts but then coughs right after and pouts slightly as she has to lean over and grab a tissue to cough into and wipe her nose.

**Lexa (12:34 P.M.):** no I’m sick so I’m in bed

Clarke’s reply is instant.

**Clarke (12:34 P.M.):** Ur sick? R u okay? How serious? You drinking water? Medicine? Someone taking care of you?

Lexa forces back the laugh that’s fighting its way up through her chest. Clarke was adorable, and she was lucky to have her as a girlfriend. But of course, she knows how lucky she is and has been for a long while now. Not many Clarke’s like this one exist in the world.

**Lexa (12:35 P.M.):** Relax, it’s just a cold. I’m fine. Yes, I have water, yes, I took medicine.

**Clarke (12:35 P.M.):** What are your symptoms?

**Lexa (12:36 P.M.):** stuffy nose, sore throat, headache, the works.

**Clarke (12:36 P.M.):** Is Anya taking care of you?

**Lexa (12:37 P.M.):** No Anya has school, I’m taking care of myself, it’s okay.

**Clarke (12:37 P.M.):** That is absolutely not okay?! I’m booking a flight, coming now

**Lexa (12:38 P.M.):** Don’t be silly love, it’s just a cold. I’m okay.

**Clarke (12:38 P.M.):** I’m making an excuse to get out of class and I’m going to call you.

Lexa feels her chest expand with the massive feeling she’s growing used to and a soft smile surfaces on her face. She grabs another tissue as she feels another cough attack come after her.

**Lexa (12:39 P.M.):** okay love

It’s only a few minutes before Clarke’s ringtone is lighting up her phone and she answers it right away.

“Baby, I don’t like that you’re home by yourself and you’re ill.” She says immediately once she knows Lexa has answered, she doesn’t even get a “hello” in before she’s off, words of concern tumbling out of her mouth.

“It’s always like this Clarke, it’s okay.” She tries to explain but she knows Clarke won’t get it, she’s never quite understood how Lexa lives and how her parents are and how she’s grown up. For Lexa, this is no problem, it’s perfectly normal. Home alone and ill.

She wonders if Clarke’s home life is like a hallmark movie and that’s why she has such a challenging time understanding. She won’t ask her that though. “Oh no, you sound so stuffy, I’m so sorry.” Lexa stirs her soup but doesn’t make to eat any more of it. It tastes like dirty and it hurts to swallow. “What have you had to eat today?”

“I’m eating soup now. Well… trying too.” She admits quietly, voice making her throat ache as she pushes words out of her mouth. She even sounds awful, no wonder Clarke’s concerned.

“You have to eat some of it.” Clarke demands in a bossy but troubled tone.

“I am.” Lexa mumbled as best as she can.

“Oh, baby okay, eat, rest and I’ll FaceTime you when I get home okay. I wish I was there.” Clarke’s voice is pouty and beautiful over the phone line and it makes Lexa’s heart ache. She misses her more now, wishes she was here even more and she didn’t think that was possible.

“I wish you were here too.” Lexa admits quietly, cuddling into Clarke’s sweatshirt slightly.

“I have to go; I’ll call you at lunch okay.”

“Okay, love.” She sniffles into the phone and listens to Clarke sigh.

“Eat your soup.” She demands again, voice so soft Lexa could swim in it.

“Yes ma’am.” The brunette giggles and then holds her phone away from her mouth as she lets out a brief cough, trying to gain some semblance of control of it. It burns in her chest and she feels so gross. And now Clarke is so concerned and that’s… _different_.

“God, I just want to be there. I’m really thinking about catching a red eye.” Her girlfriend huffs in her ear.

“No, no, it’s really okay Clarke, just a cold. As much as I want you here, you don’t need to fly all the way to me just because I’m sick.” Even though she kind of wishes Clarke would do exactly that, selfishly. She knows it can’t happen, not only would Clarke’s parents actually care where she went, she has school and projects she’s focused on, she doesn’t have time to take care of Lexa just because of a cold.

“I just want to take care of you.” The blonde admits, voice small.

Lexa sniffs and feels her heart pound against her breast bone with affection. “You are right now, and you’ll be able to plenty when I come to see you in a little bit.” She reminds her of the dwindling time until they see each other again mostly for her own benefit rather than Clarke’s.

Clarke sighs. “Okay, okay, I’m going now. I’ll call at lunch but put your phone on vibrate because I don’t want to wake you if you’re sleeping. You need rest.” Lexa wonders briefly if this is what it’s like to have parents? The thought amuses her, but she doesn’t ask out loud.

“Okay love. Bye.” She mumbles, dropping her voice lower as her throat scratches and a cough is threatening its way up.

“Bye baby.” Clarke hangs up and Lexa misses her voice already. She sighs and sets her phone aside to focus on eating as much soup as she can and drinking as much of the tea she made as she can. She gets halfway through each before she sets the tray on the floor, not really having the energy to get up and take care of it right now.

She climbs under the covers and snuggles into the pillow Clarke had slept on most of her visit. It doesn’t smell like her anymore, and Lexa can’t smell on top of that, but just holding it helps the missing her a little bit. Not by very much, but a little bit.

She sends Clarke a quick text before shutting her eyes.

**Lexa (12:59 P.M.):** Ate my food, taking a nap.

**Clarke (12:59 P.M.):** Good girl, phone on vibrate?

**Lexa (1:00 P.M.):** Yes.

**Clarke (1:01 P.M.):** water by your bed?

**Lexa (1:01 P.M.):** don’t have the energy to get up and get some right now

**Clarke (1:02 P.M.):** Okay, but you need to drink some soon, drink as much water as you can.

**Lexa (1:02 P.M.):** I know Clarke.

Lexa snuggles further under her covers and closes her eyes as her phone vibrates in her hand again, she tightens her grip, every intention of staying awake as long as she can until Clarke’s lunch break, but she can’t really fight the exhaustion and she is soon asleep anyways.

 

***

 

**spacehastings:** hey my little gays how was the weekend full of sex?

**LGBTemison:** seriously raven?

**gayenerys** **:** amazing

**LGBTemison** **:** Lexa!!

**spacehastings** **:** LMAO! And here I thought Lexa was the innocent shy one.

**badasstark:** tell me all about it!!!

**LGBTemison:** we’re not telling you about our sex life

**spacehastings:** Lexa?

**gayenerys:** it was nice. Sweet. Loving.

**spacehastings:** wow so lame. Where’s the juicy stuff

**LGBTemison:** goodbye raven

Clarke rolled her eyes shaking her head. Her friends could be a handful sometimes, but she loved them.

Exiting out of the group-chat she scrolled through twitter when she got the idea to search her and Lexa’s name. Going to the search bar she typed in her search where numerous tweets came up. She read through some, most of them harmless. 

_Clarke and Lexa are so cute._  

_I ship clexa. Why aren’t They dating yet??_

But then there were others. Ones that make Clarke’s heart speed up. She should never underestimate people on the internet because of course they would find Lexa’s Instagram. Of course they would share it with everyone.

Exiting out of Twitter she went to the Instagram app loading up Lexa’s profile. Sure enough she had twice as many followers than she used to have. Clicking on Lexa’s last post; a photo of them from her visit; her face drained of color. The photo had over 600 likes and more comments than Clarke could even count.

_“Clexa is real!”_

_“Lexa is so hot omg”_

_“Think they’ll do a threesome?”_

_“My ship is sailing sksjsj”_

_“I would do her so good damn”_

Clarke quickly exited out of Lexa’s profile going to her own. She found similar things on hers. Follower count sky high. Comments out of control. She quickly put her profile on private. She needed to tell Lexa to do the same if she hadn’t already.

She clicked back to Lexa’s for a moment, but it was gone. _“User doesn’t exist”_. Clarke frowned with her eyebrows, it was just there. Did Lexa already know? Why would Lexa delete her account? She knew the girl liked to post her photographs on there, showcase her talent. This couldn’t be good. Lexa was already kind of weirded out about their “fans”. Was this too much for her?

**Clarke (6:10 P.M.):** you deleted your Instagram?

She stared at the screen willing Lexa to write back. “ _Read 6:11 P.M._ ” But Lexa wasn’t responding, and Clarke’s heart was racing. She felt like she had done something wrong. Like Lexa was mad at her. But she hadn’t done anything wrong...had she? She didn’t tweet out Lexa’s Instagram, it couldn’t have been her fault.

Then why did she feel so guilty?

Finally, her phone vibrated in her hand causing her to jump slightly.

**Lexa (6:20 P.M.):** yes

A one-word response that couldn’t be good. Her stomach felt like it was in knots. Her chest felt tight.

**Clarke (6:20 P.M.):** are you okay?

**Lexa (6:21 P.M.):** fine Clarke.

Her eyes closed shut as a sigh left her mouth. Lexa was being so cold, and Clarke doesn’t blame her, but Clarke still wasn’t sure that she did anything wrong. Should she call her? Leave her alone and let her be? She was at a lost for what to do, she’s never had to deal with this before. Her stomach was twisting in an uncomfortable way, making her feel sick.

**Clarke (6:23 P.M.):** are you mad at me?

**Lexa (6:23 P.M.):** why would I be mad at you love?

Lexa was confusing her so much right now. She was cold but not mad? She’s never witnessed this side of Lexa before and it was freaking her out.

**Clarke (6:24 P.M.):** Idk you seem distant or like you’re mad at me.

She watched as Lexa begun to type then stopped then started again. She held her breath.

**Lexa (6:26 P.M.):** I’m not mad at you. I’m just having a lot of emotions right now and I’m trying to sort them all out in my head. I’ve never dealt with this before Clarke and I don’t know how. I don’t get why we are so popular? Why us? Why can’t we just be a normal couple?

Clarke bit her lip staring out of her large window. Lexa deserved to have a normal relationship. Not one that’s blown up over social media and Clarke didn’t think she could give Lexa that. Couldn’t give her something she didn’t have control over happening. She was just as confused as Lexa was about their popularity. Yeah Clarke had always been kind of popular on twitter but mainly just for her tweets and theories about Pretty Little Lairs. She’d tweet with Raven. She never thought that “fame” would spill over into her personal life.

**Clarke (6:28 P.M.):** do you want to talk about it? I’m sorry this is happening, idk why it is, and I wish I could stop it for you. I don’t understand it either Lex.

**Lexa (6:29 P.M.):** it’s not your fault. Don’t worry I just need some time.

Clarke laid back on her bed her fingers coming up to pinch the sides of her nose. Time? Time for what? Time away from Clarke? Time away from social media? What does that even mean? Everything was going so well and now it feels like life smacked them in the face. It wasn’t fair. Why do people have to get involved in things that have nothing to do with them. Why can’t they just leave it alone and let them be.

“Fuck,” Clarke sighed signing into twitter. She was pissed, upset, feeling so many different things she didn’t know what to feel.

**@LGBTemison:** _could everyone kindly fuck off and stop invading mine and my girlfriend’s privacy!_

**@LGBTemison:** _a big fuck you to the person who posted our Instagram’s’ all over Twitter._

She threw her phone down on her bed turning over and shoving her face into her pillow. Everyone could to hell right now for all she cared. She felt her chest growing tighter and she knew a panic attack was setting in, and she had to lie victim to it. All she could do was lay there and let it pass praying that everything would be okay with her and Lexa.

 

***

 

Lexa’s scrolls through the re-activated Instagram feed. An influx of messages makes her want to deactivate it again but she doesn’t, instead she reads through some of them and she ignores others. Some of them are even kind of nice, apologizing for the behaviors of others and some apologizing for themselves.

She’s still uncomfortable; she can feel it seeping into her skin whenever she opens the stupid thing or even twitter now. She still doesn’t get it.

But it’s been four days since she last spoke to Clarke and she’s sick of all of this. Clarke doesn’t deserve this as much as she doesn’t.

She bites her lip and opens her messaging app, she wonders how she’s doing with this and realizes that it may have been slightly selfish of her not to ask sooner. She’s never had to deal with this kind of thing before, so she really doesn’t know how to handle it.

She types in a few different things, some bringing up the subject, some asking questions she knows Clarke doesn’t have the answers too. But eventually she decides that the best thing she can do is maybe just ignore it.

**Lexa (4:22 P.M.):** I miss you.

Clarke’s reply is instant.

**Clarke (4:22 P.M.):** Baby, I miss you too. Call me?

And so, she does, instead of replying she presses the call button on her phone and places it against her ear. It rings once before Clarke is answering and her soft voice is rushing through the speaker. “Lexa, are you doing okay?” She asks delicately, like Lexa is fragile and will break.

It bothers her slightly that sometimes Clarke treats her this way, but she doesn’t do it to be condescending. She does it because she cares about her. So, she doesn’t worry about it so much. “I’m fine; I just miss your voice. We have a project in photography that I think one of these photos of you I took would be great for.”

Clarke doesn’t press the subject, seemingly letting Lexa carry on with something else entirely. “Which one?”

“One of the ones on the roof.” Lexa picks at her comforter as Clarke sighs in her ear.

“You can use whatever picture you want.” Her voice sounds nice, and Lexa has missed hearing it. Her tone soft and gentle and exactly what always calms Lexa.

The emptiness that she had been feeling over the last few days seemed to fade a bit. “Can we take more when I come to see you?”

“Yes Lexa, we can take as many as you want.” Clarke still say delicately; even more so like Lexa could disappear and snap at any moment. She feels bad for making Clarke feel that way and hopes that by just talking they can mend this.

“Clarke what is Christmas like at your house?” She decides on a topic switch, something light so Clarke will talk to her like she’s used too.

“Christmas?” Clarke seems to hesitate, and Lexa leans back against the headboard of her bed as she waits on her reply. “I don’t know, it’s really cheesy. Decorations everywhere, we go light looking and play family games and there’s lots of presents and food.” She seems to finally make the decision on letting the topic move and explain and Lexa wonders if she’s moving her hands while she talks because she does that sometimes.

“Sounds fake.” Lexa smiles slightly, but her smile grows wider when she hears Clarke laugh.

“It’s probably going to be different from what you’re used to.” A small snort leaves Clarke and Lexa can’t help the soft smile that breaks out across her face at the sound.

Her girlfriend is adorable. “I’m used to basically nothing. Me and Anya exchange a gift and watch a movie together but that’s it.” She shrugs.

“Well it’s not going to be like that this year.” Lexa lets out a sigh. “Lexa,”

“Hmm?” She waits but the answer doesn’t seem to come.

“I have to go, but call me tonight and text me?” Clarke’s voice sounds hesitant but hopeful and Lexa frowns as she stares at her comforter.

“Yeah okay.” She mumbles out her response before they say goodbye. She offers Clarke a text, but it isn’t much of a conversation starter and she feels the annoyance of the disconnection.

Something feels off and it doesn’t help that everything has been so upsetting lately. She wants it to blow over, to just forget it but every time she opens her social media it’s nagging in the back of her mind, always there. She never imagined not talking to Clarke about these feelings would be so hard. She wants to tell her how annoyed she is about everything, but she can’t seem to pull it out, to overshare. She just wishes she and Clarke could just be. She doesn’t get what it is about them that everyone is so obsessed with.

She messages Clarke throughout the day but sometimes the conversation drops off.

 

***

 

Clarke took another sip from the red cup she held in her frozen hand. She looked around at all the rowdy teens, rooting each other on as they shotgun beers around the fire. Her eyes were hooded as she finished off her drink. She was on her fourth by now. Murphy called inviting her out for the night in celebration of her returning home. Even though she’s been home for a few weeks now. 

She didn’t really think that was something she wanted to celebrate but she was in need of a drink. It was seven days after the whole Instagram ordeal and Lexa was still being a bit distant. They were talking of course but their conversation was having awkward pauses and silence. Even since they met they’ve never had to deal with that, it was freaking Clarke out. Lexa was due to come in the next week and half and Clarke was nervous about it. What if Lexa canceled on her? Decided she didn’t want to come anymore. The thought alone made Clarke’s stomach churn.

Filling up her cup with more crappy beer from the countless of kegs, her phone vibrated in her jeans pocket. Digging it out she managed to spill most of the content in her cup all over her legs. “Shit” she mumbled bringing the phone to her ear.

“Clarke?” Her stomach churned but this time with butterflies.

“Lex, hey babe.” she slurred slightly not being able to file out the drunkenness from her voice.

“Uh...I texted you about two hours ago.” Lexa cleared her throat. “You never replied.” she sounded almost nervous like she wasn’t sure she should be calling.

Clarke’s breath was heavy in the phone speaker. _Lexa had texted?_  

“Oh,” her mind was foggy and all she could think about was how distance Lexa has been and now she was calling because Clarke hadn’t answered a text from her? That didn’t seem fair at all. Clarke had plenty of texts left unanswered from Lexa, so why was it a big deal when she did it? Not that Clarke did it on purpose, she honestly is too drunk to even be replying to a text at this given time. 

“Says you” she blurted out before her head could stop her mouth. She didn’t mean for her anger to come out, but her chest was tight and full of rage she wasn’t used to. It felt hollow and empty...sad. 

A small noise could be heard from the phone, but she wasn’t sure what it was. “Clarke...” Lexa began her voice firmer, but it held a sadness to it. “Why are you acting like you don’t want to talk?”

“Me?” Clarke stopped her, her hand rubbing against her wet leg trying to keep warm from the winter air outside. “You...you don’t ever want to talk to me anymore.” Her voice slurred the more she spoke. “You get on the phone and don’t say anything.”

“I told you I just needed some time.”

Clarke scoffed, “Time right,” her stomach was knotting up in a similar way it had at the start of this whole ordeal. She wasn’t so sure if it was from the alcohol though. “Time from what? Me. Cause that’s what it feels like.” Her voice had an uneasy waver to it.

Lexa sighed, “Clarke no” she was softer now and it calmed Clarke’s stomach, settling it. “I never wanted time away from you.”

Clarke opened her mouth, she wanted to tell Lexa she had a really shitty way of showing that, that Clarke spent nights crying because she missed her, but she couldn’t because all that came were tears. She took a deep breath trying to ease the roughness forming in her throat. “I miss you.” She whispered.

Next thing she knew Lexa’s worried face was looking back at her. She looked panicked over the FaceTime call. “Clarke,” she said her name softly drawing out the “K” at the end making Clarke’s stomach flip once more. “Where are you?”

She held up her drink, the one that she barely had interest in now. “Are you drunk?” She nodded, the tears feeling like icicle against her cheeks. Lexa sighed slowly, “do you have a ride home?”

Clarke bit her bottom lip, she didn’t know if she did. She hasn’t seen Murphy in a while and she didn’t know many people at this bonfire. She shrugged glancing around the people. “Let me order you an Uber okay?” Lexa’s voice was soft and soothing. Nothing like the Lexa she’d been dealing with since the whole “fight”. It made Clarke want to curl up against her girlfriend and sleep, burrow in her warmth and forget about this whole mess but that wasn’t going to happen, and it brought on a whole new wave of tears on her face.

The FaceTime paused as she assumed Lexa was getting her a ride and Clarke sat down on the ground looking at her still wet pants. She was cold and the warmth the alcohol was giving her was wearing off. She almost wished she never came out tonight, but she knew if she hadn’t had alcohol in her system then she never would have word vomited what she was feeling to Lexa.

“Okay it’s coming.” Lexa said, she was glad she had told Lexa of this place. Told her of the parties she attended, all the weird things she saw. She told her that she’d take her to one since she’s never really experienced a real high school party. Lexa didn’t seem very fond of the idea though.

It didn’t take long for the Uber to arrive, Lexa telling the driver the address over FaceTime as Clarke seemed to become mute. But Lexa stayed on the phone with her till she was home and in bed. Clarke heard her whisper a soft goodnight, reminding her of the first night they spoke on the phone.

 

***

 

Lexa waited until about ten in the morning Clarke’s time to call her. She wanted her to be awake and functioning. This is her fault. She should have communicated what she meant better, but she never expected Clarke to react this way, to take it like this. This is her fault, she should have been paying more attention.

It took a little while for Clarke to pick up and Lexa was almost afraid she wouldn’t at all. But soon she heard Clarke’s sleepy voice speaking into the phone and her heart gave a small tug at the raspy tone. “Lexa.”

Not quite the hello she’s used too. “Did you just wake up?” She asks nervously, leg bouncing and shoving a hand through her hair to push it back from her face, even though he curls fall back to the same place they had been beforehand.

“No, I’ve been up for a little while.” Clarke mumbles and Lexa stands from the chair she had been sitting in to pace.

“We have to talk about last night.” She states firmly, not allowing this situation to get away from her the same way she has let it before.

“Lexa, no. I,” Clarke sighs heavily into the speaker and it sounds like defeat and Lexa can’t take it.

“I’m so sorry.” She blurts out before Clarke can finish her thought. “I’m so sorry that I made you feel like that, like it was you I needed space from, it wasn’t. I should have communicated better I’m just not used to this… this stuff. I’m not used to handling things with someone else, normally it’s just me and I’ve always been used to that.” Lexa is still pacing, every once in a while, she runs her fingertips through her hair, brushing it back out of her face as if it’ll help her articulate her words better. “I should have explained better, and I should have realized that maybe you would need me too, and I’m so sorry for that.” She hopes Clarke can hear how sincere this apology is, she’ll do anything to make it up to her.

“God Lexa,” Clarke sighs into her ear. “It’s okay.” Clarke’s voice sounds sincere as well and Lexa stops pacing. “I know this is new for you, hell some of its new for me to. I’m not used to the fans either.” She hears Clarke ruffling around and she wonders what she was doing before Lexa had called her. “Just can you… come to me with it next time, even if you don’t want to dump whatever it is on, just come to me? I’m your girlfriend; I can handle whatever baggage you have you know. I’ve got my own.” She seems to release a quiet laugh, but it doesn’t seem to have much humor in it.

Lexa lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m just not used to someone wanting to… be there.” She runs her fingers through her hair again. “Some things I just… have to get used to.” She tries to explain herself better, but she doesn’t think she’s doing a very good job.

“Okay.” Clarke sighs heavily into the speaker. “Okay I can understand that. But,” Lexa anxiously begins to pace again. “Can you stop being so distant from me now?” Her girlfriend asks quietly, voice almost sad and lost as she asks it like she’s expecting Lexa to say “no” or ask for more time.

“I really didn’t mean to be Clarke, I’m just… uncomfortable lately and feeling weird but not about us and not about you.” She’s rushing through her words. She almost says it too fast, it almost makes no sense, but Clarke seems to understand her.

“I know, it’s everything, I know. But these short conversations with long pauses drive me crazy.” Clarke releases a small laugh but there isn’t much humor behind this one either. “I miss you just… talking to me about anything.”

Lexa sighs and falls into a seat again. “I’m sorry.” She grips her hair. “I’ll be better.”

“Hey, that’s not what I mean.” Clarke’s tone is adamant and serious. “I just want you to know that you can tell me anything. When your upset I want to be here for you.”

“Okay.” Lexa releases her hair. “So, I guess this is why things have just felt weird since the Instagram thing.” Lexa gnaws at her bottom lip for a second before releasing it.

“Are you going to talk to me about it now?” Clarke asks quietly, her tone a bit unsure as it travels through the muffled speaker.

“Yes.” Lexa breathes and smiles a bit when she hears Clarke chuckle. She goes into a soft explanation of her feelings, things she holds in, things she holds back and Clarke listens to her and it’s so nice to be heard and to get it off her chest. Clarke says all the right things and is quiet in all the right moments.

After Lexa is done talking Clarke makes a light-hearted joke that carries it into a less heavy conversation. Eventually they move to FaceTime and they spend their Sunday together, making up for all the time they had been talking without really talking at all and setting up plans for things to do when Lexa comes to see her.

 

***

 

She was awoken by a loud thump beside her face, shooting open her eyes wide from surprise. Her gaze quickly closes from the overwhelming light of the falling sun shining down on her.

“Morning princess” a voice from her right came. Squinting she turned towards the sound seeing Murphy standing with a smirk on his face. Clarke groaned rubbing the palms of her hands into her eyes. “I’ve been texting you for hours. Thought you might’ve run off with your girlfriend.”

Clarke perked up at the mention of Lexa but only slightly. Her head was pounding slightly, but what could she expect after falling asleep on a canvas covered in spray paint. “So, this is what’s been keeping you busy, aye?”

In front of her laid out on the table was a canvas the sizes of Clarke’s body. It was covered in an array of spray paint colors outlining a women’s naked body looking back at her. Lexa’s naked body. She was so touched by the photo Lexa had given her that she felt an Urge to recreate it.

Lately, Lexa has been her muse for just about everything she drew. Her notebooks for school were lined with drawings of Lexa’s eyes. It was only half way done, she had a long way to go with adding the features. She was also methodical with how she drew out Lexa, she wanted the art to be tasteful not to mention she didn’t want to show too much of Lexa off to whoever would see it.

“Yeah, NYA has a deadline to summit apps and I need to add one piece of art so...” Clarke motions towards the canvas shrugging slightly. She thought that maybe it could be good enough to get her accepted... at least she hoped it would.

“It’s pretty badass.” Murphy agreed getting closer to the art work. “If you take some sand paper and run it along the paint here.” He suggested, and Clarke quite liked the idea. She had seen some people online use that technique and it looked really good, but she was never brave enough to try it on her own piece.

“Yeah, Thanks Murp,” she started collecting her paint cans, tossing them back into the torn box they came out of. “Why were you texting anyways?”

“Seeing how the trip to the girlfriends was since we haven’t really gotten to talk much and apparently to comment on your new hair.” Murphy touches it lightly as he addresses it.

Clarke smiled, she was glad she had a friend who seemed interested in hearing about her time with Lexa.

“Thanks” she responded, she dyed the tips of her hair pink about a week ago after not being able to sleep. She thought it looked pretty good and fit her really. Her mom almost had a heart attack when she came downstairs the next morning, it was quite funny.

Together they cleaned up, re-locating the canvas inside so it wouldn’t get ruined. Clarke told him all about her visit to Lexa, meeting her mom, going to Lexa’s game, the photos. Of course, she kept out some parts, but before she knew it, it was coming on 9 P.M.

“Shit is it really that late?!” Clarke jumped up when she realized the time. She hasn’t spoken to Lexa much today because the girl had practice and Clarke had taken that opportunity to work on her project. Grabbing her phone, she saw well over ten texts from Lexa, her heart instantly sunk when she got a text telling her that Lexa was going to sleep for the night.

She quickly texted back with an apology, letting Lexa know that she was sorry, and she fell asleep. It wasn’t the whole truth, but she didn’t want to tell Lexa about her art piece yet. She wanted to see if she even got accepted first.

So, after Murphy had left for the night, Clarke took a quick shower to rid herself of all the paint stuck to her before climbing into bed. Turning out the lights she grabbed her phone to text Lexa one last time.

**Clarke (10:15 P.M.):** Sweet dreams and happy mornings... wow that was so cheesy lol. I hope you have a good morning and I’ll call you first thing once I wake up. Miss you baby girl x

She dropped her phone down on the nightstand and settled in for the night with dreams of Lexa.

 

***

 

Lexa finally picks up her phone from her nightstand after getting back from her run and replies to Clarke’s text. It’s around eight in the morning for her so she knows Clarke is probably fast asleep still. She sets it back down where it had been and goes about the rest of her morning routine. Shower, brush teeth, dress. Around nine when she’s done, and she settles for taking pictures while she waits for Clarke get up and answer her.

She has no practice this Sunday, thankfully and spends the morning taking photos of things in her backyard. At around eleven Clarke is finally awake and texting her back this time so she heads back inside. The house is empty, her mom at work (as usual) and Anya out with some of the girls from the soccer team to play more soccer even though they’re always playing soccer.

But Anya loved soccer about as much as Lexa loved photography, so she could understand that desire to play all the time. Lexa wasn’t like that, she liked soccer, but she needed a break every once in a while. Not to mention being team captain sets a certain kind of responsibility over your head that makes you just want to sit a “fun” game out sometimes. Not that she’s complaining, she always wanted to be captain.

Clarke grumbles to her about it being too early and she teases her about sleeping the day away and it’s normal and Lexa lets out a sigh of relief because Clarke had not messaged her at all, the day before and even though she maybe shouldn’t, it always makes her panic a little. It’s about an hour later when Clarke mentions something about working on some art project for school and Lexa teases her about not messaging her back that Clarke seems to take it a little more seriously than Lexa meant and soon her FaceTime is popping up on her cellphone.

Lexa accepts with a small smile on her face, but it vanishes when Clarke’s face appears with seriousness along it. It makes her nervous, she feels like she’s done something wrong but then Clarke is talking and she relaxes again. “I’m sorry Lexa, the day just got away from me yesterday. I didn’t mean to ignore you.” She says sincerely, her eyes boring into Lexa’s as the words leave her mouth.

Lexa grins again. “It’s okay.” She waves it off. “Though maybe you should tell me you’re busy and can’t talk right now.” She suggests because it would be nice to know when Clarke’s either not going to reply, or is going to do it slowly.

“I would have if that was the case I promise, I was just away from my phone and talking to Murphy, I just lost track of time.” Clarke shrugs but bites her bottom lip. Lexa watches her do it for a second, knowing she must feel a little anxious about the action before meeting Clarke’s eyes again.

“It’s fine.” Lexa adjust in her bed so she’s sitting up. “But I am a little sad about it.” Lexa teases gently. “I think you need to stay on FaceTime with me all day to cheer me up.” Lexa is grinning, and Clarke rolls her eyes but soon a smile is spreading across her face too. Lexa likes it when she smiles like this, she could light the entire world with it.

“I suppose I owe you that.” She replies, and Lexa’s grin turns into a full-blown smile as well.

She adjusts in her bed again, sitting up straighter. “Let’s watch Game of Thrones.” She says all too excitedly for someone that has seen the whole thing multiple times.

Clarke shakes her head. “Lexa, I have to work on my-”

“Blah, you can work on your art later, it’s Sunday and you ignored me all day.” She teases again, and Clarke is again rolling her eyes.

“You can’t use that all day, it’s already getting old.” Lexa pouts, popping out her bottom lip just right to where it’s almost pitiful, and Clarke snickers at her. “Fine, my god, you’re too adorable.” Clarke grumbles as she sets up the show on the television in her room as Lexa watches her a moment before doing the same thing.

“What episode were you on again?” She asks after a moment, trying to figure out which DVD to place in the player.

“Season five episode six I think was the last one I watched.” Clarke doesn’t even look at the camera as she sets it, focus on her television, biting her bottom lip again. Lexa watches her a moment before getting back to her task.

“You should be already finished; how did you get so distracted?” She teases further.

Clarke chuckles. “I don’t know, random broody brunette came into my life.” Her girlfriend huffs and settles back on her bed.

“How rude of her.” Lexa retorts.

“Really.” Clarke snorts and lies back in her bed. “Are you ready?” She asks, her eyes back on the screen of her phone to watch Lexa.

“I should be asking you that.” Lexa smiles. “But yes go.”

Clarke reaches her hand out as if she’s able to physically make Lexa stop what she’s doing. “Wait, same time, countdown.” She encourages, grinning adorably again.

Lexa is again distracted by the curve of her mouth. “No, we don’t have to do that every time.” Of course, though she will give in and do it anyway.

“It’s like lifting off in a spaceship.” The blonde reasons.

Lexa chuckles. “You’re a dork.” But she adores it.

“Lexa.” Clarke scolds.

The brunette shakes her head before giving in. She was always going to give in anyways. “Three,” It’s Clarke, she can never say no to Clarke.

“Two,” Clarke says excitedly, like they really are lifting off in a spaceship and it makes Lexa giggle.

“One.” Lexa says rolling her eyes this time and clicking the play button the same time Clarke does.

“You’re the one that wants to FaceTime me all day remember?” Clarke teases, eyes twinkling into the camera lens and Lexa spends a few minutes just admiring her smile yet again. She could probably stare at it all day and never get tired of seeing it… no, she could do that. That’s a fact.

“Yeah.” She soon says but adds nothing else to it besides a soft sigh and her own admiring grin. Doughy eyes and lovestruck smile that distracted Clarke from her own television for a brief moment.

Perhaps they are looking at each other in the same way in this moment. “Watch the TV Lexa, not me.” She seems to snap herself out of it, moving her gaze to her own television that she also hadn’t been bothering to look at either.

“But you’re so much prettier.” The brunette reasons to her girlfriend.

“This was your idea.” Clarke waves her hands around glancing at Lexa’s face and then the television across the room.

“Yeah, you watch it and I’ll watch you watch it. I’ve already seen it, multiple times.” She tries to reason with her, but Clarke doesn’t seem to be having it, despite the slight grin lifting the corner of her mouth.

“Creepy girlfriend.” Clarke teases, eyes not moving from her television.

Lexa lays down against one of her pillows as she adjusts so she can comfortably hold her phone and stare at her girlfriend. “Correct term is hot girlfriend.”

“Well yeah, that too.” Clarke rolls her eyes and focuses on the screen. “But you can’t stare at me the whole time Lexa.”

The brunette huffs. “You talk too much; pay attention. You’re going to miss stuff.”

“Listen you,”

“Clarke.” Lexa tuts, and the blonde glares at her.

“What’s your problem?” She teases lightly.

“I miss you.” Lexa pouts, bottom lip popping back out and Clarke softens.

“Just a few more days Lexa.” She tells her gently, eyes just as round and soft when they look at her as Lexa’s are as she stares at the blonde.

“I know.” Lexa sighs dramatically. “Feels like a damn lifetime.” Clarke chuckles.

“Watch the television Lexa, you might miss something.” She sticks her tongue out and looks back at the screen as Lexa laughs. Spending the rest of the time glancing between her television, and mainly watching Clarke watch her television.

 

***

 

“I’ve never had sonic.” Clarke’s mouth dropped from around the straw she was slipping her slushy from.

“What do you mean you never had sonic...?” She was sat in her car outside of the stall at sonic after eating her burger. “This is god’s gift to the earth, Lexa.”

“So I’ve noticed since you and Murphy go at least once a week.” Lexa chuckled, and it makes Clarke’s stomach flip in bliss.

Swallowing her last bite of food, she tossed the wrapper into the brown bag next to her. “I was ditched today.”

“And you still choose to eat that unhealthy food?”

Clarke rolled her eyes even though Lexa couldn’t see it. “Please I watched you eat mountains of fried rice when I was with you. Don’t speak to me about my life choices.” 

Putting her car in drive she made her way back to the main road towards her house. She was glad her car came with a hands-free feature, so she could talk to Lexa and not worry about crashing.

Lexa’s giggles filled the car causing a grin to break out on her face. “Oh, hush you were encouraging me.”

“That’s what girlfriends are supposed to do.”

The car filed with silence but for once in the past few days it wasn’t full of tension and Clarke couldn’t be more thankful for that.

“Are you all packed?”

Lexa’s soft sighed filled the car, “yeah kind of.” There was some shuffling heard on the other end. “I can’t fit your gift in my suitcase so I’m stressing out about that.”

“Baby...” Clarke started.

“I know, I know, you said I didn’t have to get you anything but how could I not?” Lexa said exasperated and Clarke found herself smiling once more. Every day she talked to Lexa something kept growing in her stomach and chest, feeling like it wants to burst but yet it felt content to just sit there. She felt warm and happy and blissful. Like the feeling of sitting next to a fire after you’ve been in the cold all day. _Happy_.

“Okay cutie whatever you say.”

The conversation went on from there and long after Clarke got home. Lexa telling Clarke about something that happened at practice and Clarke telling her about a new piece she’s working on. They talked about everything and nothing, both content just to hear the others voice.

 

***

 

“Hey Lex,” Anya knocks on her door, only to be greeted with a gentle “come in” not long after. She listens, opening it up and popping in, holding on to the gift wrapped in her hands.

“I thought you’d have left already.” Lexa says softly, parting from her suitcase where she seemed to be trying to stuff a gift inside of it, but it wasn’t fitting. She crossed the room to her, abandoning her efforts temporarily.

“Pretty soon, I just wanted to give you, you’re Christmas present.” She offered it out to her best friend and watched Lexa’s face light up slightly.

“Hold on, let me get yours.” She says taking her gift and setting it on her bed, so she can turn around and dig through her closet.

“I really hope you have a good Christmas with Clarke.” Anya says, the mushiness foreign and entering its way into her chest before she can stop it. “You really do deserve to be happy.” She mumbles quietly because she doesn’t averagely know how to communicate emotions and Lexa knows this.

So, when she says it, Lexa doesn’t flinch at her. Instead she just pulls out a wrapped gift from her closet and makes her way back in front of her. “You do too.” She whispers softly and offers her the present.

“Can I save this until Christmas? Just in case it’s the only thing I have to open?” Anya asks and Lexa’s own heart squeezes at the prospect. They normally only have each other this time of year. Things are different this time around and Lexa wishes Anya could come with her, despite her having already made other plans.

“Of course you can.”

“You have to open mine now though because I’m sure your girlfriend is going to spoil you on Christmas.” Anya grins widely, slightly teasing as Lexa blushes.

“I don’t know, I’m kind of nervous.” Lexa says honestly, grabbing her gift off the bed and beginning to peel it open. “I mean, I’ll be with Clarke but it’s a whole other state and I don’t know anyone else there.” Anya watches Lexa shrug, the nervousness she’s feeling at the prospect of being so far from where she’s comfortable attached to the slight frown on her lips.

“She came here in the same circumstances, you can do it too.” Lexa smiles gently and nods, dropping the paper on the floor and pulling the box open. “I know you have all the money in the world and you can buy anything you want but,” Anya shrugs and Lexa pulls out the items. “But I thought you would like, something to hold onto.” Lexa just stares for a minute, quiet.

Anya anxiously steps from foot to foot in front of her. “You took these?” Lexa says as she looks at the photographs, each one different from throughout a few years in their own individual expensive frames.

“Yeah, over a lot of years. I’ve listened to you talk about your camera a lot. I know how one works.” Anya teases, trying to build some kind of wall even though she doesn’t need one, not really with Lexa.

Lexa rolls her eyes. “That photography class?”

“I took on purpose. And I took one of you and Clarke too, in the back.” Anya leans forward like it’ll help her see the photo through the ones still on top of it. She thought that one would be Lexa’s favorite.

Lexa flips through three hard frames of memorable photos before she lands on one Anya took without her being aware of it. Somehow her best friend had managed to catch the moment right before their first kiss, just as they’re leaning in and it makes Lexa’s heart swoop in her chest just staring at it. “Anya,”

“I just thought… I know they’re pictures that you’re in, I know you don’t like that a lot, but I just thought maybe,”

“Thank you.” Lexa says gently, cutting her off and setting the box down with the seven framed photographs. She pulls Anya into a hug that the girl sinks into. “I really love it.” She whispers gently, letting some emotion seep into her voice as she squeezes Anya in her arms.

“I hate taking photos so much.” Anya chuckles, voice cracking as she hugs Lexa back. “The things I do for you.”

“You’re good at it.” Lexa teases pulling back from the hug.

“Well it’s never happening again.” Anya grins lightly, her eyes slightly glossy. “Alright, I’ve got to go. I hope you have a good trip, call me when you land?” Anya forms it like a question, but she really means it more as a demand than anything else.

“Of course, I love you.” Lexa says and surprises even herself as Anya stops to look at her.

Anya snorts. “God, having a girlfriend has made you mushy.” She teases, making Lexa crack a smile as well.

“Shut up.” Lexa rolls her eyes, leaving out the fact that Anya had learned enough photography skill to take photos through multiple years of them and her and even Clarke and her just to give to her at Christmas.

“I’ll see you later.” Anya gives Lexa another quick hug before taking her gift and exiting the room. Lexa watches her go and feels happy and lucky that she has a friend like her.

 

***

 

Clarke removed and fluffed the pillow for the sixth time. Huffing, she put it back in its place on the couch sitting in front of the huge Christmas tree adored in sparkling lights and ornaments that held small pictures of a toothless Clarke during various ages.

“Honey if you fluff those anymore my living room is going to look like a chicken coop.” Clarke huffed placing her hands on her hips. “So are you going to tell me why you’re rearranging my furniture?”

“Because Lexa comes tomorrow, and everything has to be perfect because she has to have a perfect Christmas.”

“I see so we’re aiming for perfect here?” Abby grinned towards her daughter, “just so I’m clear.”

“Ugh mom this isn’t funny!” Clarke groaned out falling onto the couch she just spent an hour fixing. Although Abby wasn’t about to mention that.

“Honey, Lexa is going to love it no matter what.”

“But she doesn’t get to have Christmas at her home and I want her to have the best one.” Clarke stared at the Christmas tree, she made her parents get the biggest one they could find. She had spent hours decorating that three nights ago. She also went out and bought a stocking especially for Lexa. She was proud of her choice too, it was green and had little soccer balls all over the front. She knew her girlfriend would love it and it would mean a lot to her as well. The night after she spent it with jars of glue and glitter, perfecting Lexa’s name on the fur white strip on the top of the stocking. She was satisfied with how it came out and it now hung right next to Clarke’s covered in little paint brushes and her six-year-old handwriting.

“You have to calm down.” Abby grabbed Clarke’s hand, stopping her from picking at her nails. “It will be special for Lexa because she’s with you and you did all this for her.”

Sinking farther into the couch Clarke nodded, she knew her mom was right. Lexa didn’t care about the martial things. She had already told her she was excited to do all the traditional things like making gingerbread cookies, and listening to Christmas music, and of course Jake’s “famous” Christmas pancake breakfast.

“Now come help me fold the blankets you made me wash three times and we can set them in the guest bedroom.” Abby patted Clarke’s thigh getting up from the couch.

“Guest bedroom?” Clarke questioned standing up from the couch.

“Yes, you know where Lexa will be staying.” She gave Clarke a pointed look. “You may be dating but I’m not letting you both stay in the same room.”

Clarke opened her mouth to protest but she was interrupted by her father. “Oh, Abby you act like they aren’t going to sneak into the same room at night.” Clarke’s cheeks redden.

“Dad,” she squeaked out.

“Kiddo, your mom and I used to do it all the time.” Abby playful slapped her husband in the arm as Jake laughed pulling her in for a kiss.

“Oh god, stop that there are children present.” Clarke moaned, shielding her eyes walking past them to grab the blankets to fold as her parents laughed and followed her.

Later that night Jake knocked on Clarke’s door, carrying in the folded blankets that Abby purposely placed in the guest bedroom. With a wink he dropped them on Clarke’s desk chair and walked out. Clarke couldn’t hide her grin or excitement for the following day.


	11. Authors Note

Hey, 

So we’re being getting a lot of questions about why we haven’t updated. The answer is simple. We are busy. We both have been dealing with things, traveling, working on other stories. We both decideded as a team that it would be best to just put this story on hold for the time being and work on other things. 

We know all over you enjoyed the story and we haven’t given up on it. We will finish the story. But as I’ve told others, sometimes you need to step back from a story and just breathe and regroup and then come back. We don’t want to give you as mediocre story when we know we can make it great. 

In the meantime if you do need a story to read, you can head over to Jaz’s account and read the amazing story she is working on right now.

Thank you.

-Chels and Jaz

**Author's Note:**

> Updates as frequently as possible. If we're going to take a really long time, we promise we'll let y'all know.
> 
> My twitter is [@miselizalycia](https://twitter.com/miselizalycia) and Chelsea's is [@elizaatrash,](https://twitter.com/elizaatrash) so hit us up if you wanna chat.  
> and my tumblr is [jazzyjazzin,](https://jazzyjazzin.tumblr.com/) follow me to keep updated and to find out more information on my fanfics.


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